Ruined in the Rain
by Francesca Jones
Summary: A 26 year old jilted bride, Rory finally decides to run and start a new life with Jess, but not in the way that he'd had in mind when they were kids. Future fic. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **Besides dirty thoughts about Jess, I own absolutely nothing.

**A/N:** Hey everybody! Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about Bend and Not Break. This is just a little side project of mine that I'm working on. Please, please let me know what you think of it because I'm actually really proud of it so far! Enjoy!

Oh, and the title comes from a line in _The Quiet Things that No One Ever Know _by the eternally awesome _**Brand New**. _

**Ruined in the Rain**

**Uno**

She's sitting in front of the vanity table by herself when Logan's friend Colin comes in, holding an unsealed envelope. He's not wearing his tuxedo jacket or his tie, and his white shirt is unbuttoned at the collar. He hands the envelope to Rory with a sad shake of his head, refusing to look her in the eye. Rory waits until he leaves hurriedly and then removes the paper inside with shaky fingers. The note is written on Plaza stationary, revealing that he wrote it sometime since they checked into the hotel yesterday.

_I tried, but I can't do it. I'm sorry. Logan._

Rory sighs, feeling a heavy weight on her heart as tears well up in her eyes. She looks around the room, desperately searching for something unknown to her. Her mother and her bridesmaids are all upstairs. They won't be coming down for another half hour. She wanted to be alone for a little while. She wanted to be able to sit and look in the mirror and revel in the magic that was her wedding day. She wanted to sit and feel gorgeous in her wedding dress and think about the life she was about to have with the man she loved.

She dumbly rereads the note at least a dozen times. She's not surprised, and that fact surprises her the most. She's hurt and devastated. She's heartbroken, which is a term she's been refusing to use since she was sixteen and broke up with her very first boyfriend for the first time. The way she's feeling right now can only be described as destroyed. She feels as though her heart has been physically removed from her chest, torn apart, and then haphazardly placed back in her body. She's dizzy and nauseous and her lungs feel like they've stopped working.

Lorelai told her not to marry Logan. She hadn't said it in so many words, but she'd questioned Rory's decision once too many times, leaving Rory feeling uncomfortable discussing this relationship with her mother. She didn't trust him. She felt that he was going to hurt her, and that he was too immature and too selfish to care for her properly. Rory reminded her that she'd had similar thoughts about Jess. Lorelai reminded her daughter that she'd been right on that matter.

Lane hated him. He was too self-involved and too arrogant and had horrible taste in music. Those were three strikes that Lane found unforgivable. She tolerated him, because Rory was head-over-heels in love with him, but she despised him. When Rory had announced her engagement to her best friend, Lane was unable to keep the disappointed look from crossing her face before switching to a look of happiness.

Her grandparents, on the other hand, absolutely adored him. They thought that it was the perfect match, bragging to all their friends that the Gilmore clan and the Huntzberger family were merging. They were making sure that Rory's wedding was the social event of the season. They rented out the entire Plaza hotel for the occasion and invited all the right people. The wedding had been in the works for a year and a half. They'd been through three wedding planners, seven live bands, twelve florists, and two ring bearers. It was going to be perfect. It was supposed to be perfect.

Rory looked into the mirror. Her eyeliner and mascara were beginning to run as her damp eyes began to spill over. He had turned her into a jilted bride. He didn't love her, or if he did, he didn't love her enough to marry her. And he was too much of a coward to do anything else then run away. Rory felt a new feeling then. She felt a glimmer of anger, but it was quickly quashed by another wave of uncontrollable sadness.

The fear came next. It was still only an undertone to the sadness, but it existed and she could feel it. The childish fear of hearing 'I told you so' seemed supremely real and supremely terrifying. She could almost feel as if she was being judged already, even though nobody knew of this tragedy yet. She could feel dozens of eyes on her, wondering why she wasn't enough to make him stay, wondering how she could live with herself knowing she'd chased away a catch like Logan Huntzberger. She could feel her grandparents' disappointment radiating from them every time they sat down to dinner with her, if they'd ever agree to have dinner with her again. A social disaster like this might be enough to force them to exile her from their lives. They would never forgive her for ruining the good Gilmore name among their friends. She'd forever be an anecdote people told at cocktail parties, the 26-year-old girl who wasn't enough to keep Logan Huntzberger happy. _'Apparently, she was so appalling that he couldn't even go through with the wedding.'_

Rory shook her head to clear all thoughts. It didn't work. It only brought her back to her starting point-the unbelievable and overwhelming sadness that had overtaken her entire being. A few tears had spilled from her eyes at this point, leaving black mascara trails down her pink-tinted cheeks. Her eyeliner was completely runny, leaving messy black rings around her red eyes. It hurt so badly. Nothing had ever hurt this badly before. Never had she felt this complete debilitating sadness coupled with utter hopelessness. Never before had she ever actually know what it felt like to be destroyed by a man. She thought that she knew, but she knew nothing about pain until this very moment.

The fear returned then: the fear of judgment, of dealing with her failures. She didn't want to do that. She didn't think that she _could_ do that. She couldn't announce that the wedding was off, that there was nothing more to do, that it was done between her and Logan. She didn't want to have to see the looks on people's face as they judged her and the situation.

So she ran.

She shot up quickly from her spot in front of the vanity table and ran across the room to the door. She pulled it open and took a moment to look around. She saw an emergency exit sign and ran quickly down the hallway towards it. She flung open the door and threw herself into the crisp, damp October air.

Damp. Wet. Moisture. Rory looked up at the gray sky, and was met with raindrops splashing against her face and mixing with her tears. It was raining. She laughed wildly. Of course it was raining. How could there be sunshine on the day her life was ending? She barely felt the rain soaking through the material of her silk dress as she looked up at the sky. She could almost feel it weighing down her lace veil. After a moment, a sound registered in Rory's mind. It was a sharp, painfully obnoxious beeping that brought her back to reality. Of course. Emergency exit meant emergency alarm. Someone would be over soon to see what had happened. She had to keep running. So she did.

Rory was sure she made quite a sight, running down the streets of Manhattan in her vintage, designer silk wedding dress. She had the full skirt in her hands, lifting it away from her feet as she ran. She didn't care though. The only thing that mattered was getting as far away from the Plaza and the people who'd judge her as possible. Rory made it four blocks before she realized that she had absolutely no idea where she was going. She had run for seven blocks when she realized that was a lie. She knew exactly where she was going, but she didn't know how to get there.

Rory ran into the nearest open business, which happened to be a bookstore. For the first time in her life, Rory had no interest in books. Well, she had an interest in one book. She rushed up to the counter, trying to ignore the strange looks she was getting from the girl behind the counter as well as the shop's patrons. She could feel their judging eyes on her, most likely wondering if she was insane or in trouble. Rory tried her best to ignore them as she said to the girl,

"I need a phone book. Please." The desperation was heavy in her voice and in her heart.

"Here." The girl said, looking at Rory was a combination of fear and disdain. Rory quickly flipped through the book until she found the address she was looking for. She had been there once before, but damned if she remembered what direction it was from where she was right now.

Rory turned the book around and pointed the address out to the still annoyed, disgusted sales clerk. "How do I get there?" She demanded.

"Twenty blocks left of here." The girl said in annoyance, snapping her gum.

Rory was out the door again like a flash, running down the street as fast as her legs could carry her. The rain continued to fall, soaking her completely. She didn't even notice. Now and then, she would taste salt and know she was still crying. She tried to ignore the harsh combination of tears and rainwater that was dripping down her face as she ran. She got about nine blocks down before she kicked off her white satin pumps. They landed with dull thuds behind her as she continued to run in her stocking feet. Her pantyhose began to tear on the bottom, leaving holes. She could feel a rock embed itself into her foot, and winced for a moment with the pain it caused. She didn't have time for physical pain though; she was in too much emotional pain. She ignored the sharp stinging in her foot as she continued to run, though now she was hobbling a bit.

She finally made it to her destination, which was a middle-class apartment building identical to the others surrounding it. She was able to pick it out only because she'd been there before. If she hadn't been, she never would've been able to pinpoint which building it was. She stopped on the sidewalk and took a series of deep, panting breaths as she looked up at the building. Regaining her momentum at being so close to the one person who wouldn't judge her, Rory bolted up the front steps. She scanned the buzzers for his name, but didn't need to press the button because at that moment an elderly woman exited the building. She held the door open for Rory with a sweet but confused smile. Rory dashed past the woman, calling out 'thank you' over her shoulder.

Rory sprinted up 9 floors of stairs to his apartment building. There was an elevator, but she couldn't be bothered with elevators at the moment. She made the mad dash up the stairs, almost knocking over a twelve-year-old boy in the process. She stopped in front of 9C, the apartment she knew to be his. Even if she hadn't known which one was his, she would've known at that moment. Instinct may have told her, but she could also hear the Brit-punk sounds of The Clash blaring from inside.

She banged on the door with all her might, willing him to hear her over the loud sounds of _Spanish Bombs_. She continued to bang so hard that her knuckled busted and began to bleed. She didn't notice, except for the thick red marks that now graced his door.

The music stopped suddenly. The door inched open to the length allowed by the chain. He peered out at her. Her brown hair was matted to her head with rainwater, and a lace veil was clinging to the soaked tendrils of her hair. Her blue eyes were completely red and her make-up was completely smeared in black lines down her soaked face. He didn't know why, but he could point out which droplets were tears and which were from the rain. His gaze continued down to her destroyed, now discolored silk dress that clung to her torso like second skin before flaring out around her slim waist like a pile of wet rags. His gaze fell to her left hand, where her bloody knuckle was dripping red onto the bright diamond of her engagement ring before his gaze fell at her bare feet. One of them was bleeding badly, and he could see the trail of blood and dirt that led down the hallway. The door closed and Rory heard the sound of the chain moving. He pulled open the door the entire way, and the two stared at each other hard for a long while, his concerned and slightly amused brown eyes meeting her pained blue ones. Finally, Jess stood to the side and wordlessly invited Rory to enter his apartment.

She looked gratefully at him and stepped past him, her soaked skirt brushing up against and successfully damping the legs of his jeans. Jess shook his head as he looked at the blood and dirt she was tracking into his apartment. He closed the door quietly and looked over at her. He leaned against the door, and the two resumed their staring match.

"Hi." She said timidly. Before he could respond, Rory finally caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror he had hanging in the hallway. She was an absolute mess. A fresh batch of tears began to fall as Rory's legs buckled. Jess was over at her side in less than an instant. He caught her as she fell, and they both slid down to the floor together. Her tears turned into violent, sickening sobs. She buried her head into Jess's chest, and all he could do was rock her as she cried.

"Hi." Jess whispered in her ear as her sobs began to quiet. She sniffled for a moment before looking up at him silently. Then she began her crying again. Her shoulders shook violently as more tears spilled from her eyes.

"Shh." Jess said, his voice a mixture of awkwardness and comfort. "It's going to be OK."

"No." She croaked, her voice cracked and strained. "No, it's not."

"It will be." He insisted. "Whatever happened, it's going to be OK."

"What do you think happened?" She moaned, pulling away from him and standing up on wobbly legs. She gestured wildly to her appearance.

Jess switched positions so he was leaning back on his elbows and looking at Rory in her destroyed wedding dress. "You were doing a modeling shoot for the bridal issue of Vogue magazine when you got mobbed by crazed fans?"

Rory narrowed her eyes, tears falling from the slits that the action created. "You are not even a little bit funny."

"What do you want me to say, Rory?" Jess demanded, not shifting positions. "I'm sure I could take a wild guess at what happened, but what good is it going to do for me to say it out loud?"

Rory dropped to her knees in front of him. "Say it." She whispered. "Please say it."

"Rory…" Jess said, reluctant to give in to her request.

"Say it." She commanded, lips trembling.

"Richie Rich called off the wedding." Jess said stoically, not allowing any emotion to penetrate the statement.

Rory nodded, the tears flowing freely again. She dropped down so she was lying on her stomach in front of him, her head touching the bare wood floor. "Thank you." She murmured.

"You're welcome, I guess." Jess responded, standing. He offered his hand to her. "C'mon."

Rory looked up at him pathetically. "What?" She asked.

"C'mon." Jess repeated, hand still extended. "Let's get you cleaned up."

Rory looked at him, amazed and thrilled that he wasn't asking any questions. She knew she could count on him to take her in without asking any questions of her. Rory raised her hand to his, allowing him to pull her to her feet. He walked her over to the bedroom and walked over to his dresser to retrieve something. Rory didn't know what he was doing until she saw the bright flash and the purple and green dots that resulted from it.

"Trust me." Jess said with a small smile as he put the disposable camera down. "One day, you're going to laugh about that picture."

Rory stared at him blankly and he walked into the bathroom. He returned with a large towel. He looked at her for a moment, studying her veil. He quickly removed the hairpins holding it in place and let the scrap of destroyed lace fall to the ground. He took the towel and dabbed carefully at Rory's face, removing the make up and water that was staining it.

She took the towel from him. "I can do it." She whispered.

He nodded. "Ok. Look, you can wear any of my clothes, ok?" He said. "Take your pick. Dry off and get out of that dress."

Rory stared at him, willing the tears to stay in her eyes. She nodded slowly. "Thank you."

"No problem." He responded, walking to the door. He smiled soothingly at her before closing the door and leaving her by herself.

Rory looked around Jess's bedroom without much interest. She'd seen this room when he'd given her a quick tour of the apartment. There were bookcases lining the walls, but besides that, the furnishings of the room were minimal. He had a wardrobe, a dresser, a bed, and a side table with a lamp and alarm clock lying on it.

Rory slowly and deliberately walked over to his wardrobe and she opened it, flicking through his clothes carelessly. She didn't really care what she wore. She selected a pair of gray sweatpants and scanned his shirts dully. She removed a plain white T-shirt, in absolutely no mood to be creative with the amusing opportunity to wear Jess's clothes. She looked at the white T-shirt, and realized that she wasn't wearing a bra. She put the shirt back and chose a black one instead.

Jess didn't look back as he heard the door open. Nor did he look at her as he heard the sofa springs groan as she sat down. He continued to stir sugar into the cup of coffee he was making her. Finally, he turned around with the mug in his hand. He resisted the urge to laugh at the way she looked in his clothes. He was skinny, but she was a waif. His clothes were hanging off her thin body as she sat on the couch, knees curled against her chest.

"That's a fashion statement right there." Jess quipped as he crossed the space to the couch.

Rory sniffled and shrugged. "Doesn't matter."

"No, I don't suppose it does." Jess responded, handing her the coffee mug. "Five spoonfuls of sugar, half a spoon of cream." He said.

Rory almost smiled. "I can't believe you remember that." She said, stretching out her legs and accepting the steaming mug.

Jess shrugged and leaned forward to retrieve the first aid kit he had placed on the table. Wordlessly, he took Rory's injured foot and placed it on his lap. "So," he said, "Feel any better now that you're dry?"

Rory took a sip of her coffee, grateful to have caffeine in her system. "I stopped crying." She whispered.

"Well, I think that counts as better." Jess said approvingly, wiping the excess blood from her foot with a paper towel.

Rory nodded and took another long sip of coffee. "I bled on your floor." She said guiltily.

"Doesn't matter." Jess said dismissively. He dabbed an antiseptic pad against the deep gash on her foot, causing her to take in a sharp breath.

Jess inspected her foot curiously, and removed a jagged stone from the heel of her foot. "Look at that." He said, holding up the bloody rock for her inspection. "That was _in_ your skin."

Rory made a disgusted face. "I didn't even feel it." She said softly.

Jess placed a gauze pad against her foot and wrapped a cloth bandage tightly around it. "Well, you had other things on your mind."

"Yeah," Rory said, tears threatening to spill again.

"Give me your left hand." Jess commanded.

"What?" Rory asked, confusion pushing sadness away momentarily.

"Your hand." Jess repeated. "You busted your knuckle."

"Oh." Rory said, still confused. She looked at her hand as she placed it in his. "I wonder how that happened."

"Banging on my door, I'd assume." Jess said simply, wiping the blood away. He touched her diamond ring and she pulled away. "What are you doing?" She demanded in a yelp.

"I have to take it off to bandage your finger." Jess said.

"No." Rory said, holding her hand to her chest and shaking her head furiously.

Jess sighed, but nodded. "Ok."

He sat back, leaning his head against the couch. "So," He said, "I think it's time for the million dollar question here."

Rory sighed. She knew it would come eventually. "What am I doing here?"

"Well, since you brought it up." Jess said with a smirk. "What are you doing here, Rory?"

Rory sighed, and the tears began to spill again. She gently placed her coffee mug down. "I didn't want to have to deal with facing everyone. I knew that if I came here, you wouldn't judge me."

Jess nodded. "Well, you know me well then. You're totally welcome to crash here for today. You can stay the night if you need to. It'll actually be nice to have the company. Rory, you know that everything will be OK, right?"

Jess turned to look at Rory, but she was asleep on his couch, curled up in a little ball.

Jess smirked and shook his head. He gently covered Rory with the blanket that was on the couch. How the Hell did he get himself into messes like this?


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. If I did own them, Jess and Rory would have lived happily ever after the first time.

**A/N**: Wow, thanks for the great response to the first chapter! Here's the second chapter. Please review it! And please go read **Bend and Not Break** and review that too::end of shameless pleading:

**Dos**

_"Gilmore. Conference Room. Now." Her boss, Mr. O'Brien barked at her. He didn't even stop walking as he ordered her to follow him._

_Rory raised her eyebrows in curiosity. Mr. O'Brien had never requested to speak to her alone before. She stood, smoothed the front of her black skirt, and pushed her desk chair in. She walked quickly into the conference room where her boss was already sitting at the head of the long table. _

_"Sit, Gilmore." He commanded, not looking up from the papers he was reading._

_Rory did as she was told, taking a seat to the left of her very large, intimidating boss. They sat in silence for a few moments as her boss continued to read. Finally, he spoke._

_"How long you been working for Rand Florin Publishing, Gilmore?" Mr. O'Brien asked._

_"I came in as a copy editor about 2 years ago. I was promoted to assistant editor last year." Rory responded._

_Mr. O'Brien nodded. "You usually work with Johnson or Ritter, correct?"_

"_Yes, sir." Rory said, nodding. _

"_You've never had an author to yourself though?" Mr. O'Brien asked._

"_No, sir." Rory said, trying to quell her excitement. Could she finally be getting her first solo assignment?_

"_You ready to take one on?" Mr. O'Brien demanded._

"_Oh, yes sir!" Rory said, her excitement surfacing despite her efforts to silence it. "I'm definitely ready."_

_Mr. O'Brien nodded. "I've got an author coming in today that I want you to meet. We signed him last week. Bright boy around your age. Good writer, possibly a great writer. Shouldn't be too many issues with the actual work, but he's sloppy. Deadlines, drafts, chapters, excerpts, things like that. Johnson and Ritter agreed that you excel in those areas. They said you'd be perfect for this guy."_

_Rory nodded eagerly. "Absolutely. I can definitely handle this. Thank you so much, Mr. O'Brien."_

_Mr. O'Brien waved off her thanks and slid some folders to her. "This is everything you need to know about him. Writes under the name J.F. York. His contract is in there. So are his deadlines. When I said he was sloppy, I meant it. His first draft was written on receipts and napkins."_

"_You're kidding!" Rory said, both amused and amazed._

"_Actually, a good part of chapter 14 was written on a pizza box. The grease spots added a challenge." A familiar voice said from behind her. Rory turned around slowly. Jess was standing in the doorway, leaning against it casually with his arms crossed across his chest. He was smiling slightly, and his smile stayed in place even after locking eyes with Rory._

"_Ah, Mr. York." Mr. O'Brien said. "Come in, sit."_

"_It's Jess." Jess responded, taking a seat across from Rory._

"_Right, right." Mr. O'Brien said, standing. "Jess, this is Ms. Gilmore. She's the editor in charge of your book."_

_Jess looked at Rory with a smirk. "Ms. Gilmore." He said in acknowledgement, reaching across the table to shake Rory's hand. _

_Rory had to smile at the strange situation. She met Jess's hand with her own and the shook as if they'd never met before. "Mr. York, it's a pleasure." _

_Mr. O'Brien nodded. "OK, I'll leave you two to it then. If either of you has any questions, feel free to see me." He walked out of the room quickly before either could respond._

_As soon as he was gone, Rory and Jess met each other's eyes again._

"_So," Rory said awkwardly, "You're a writer."_

"_Yup." Jess said, leaning back and swinging his legs onto the conference table. He tucked his hands behind his head and said, "You're an editor."_

_Rory nodded and tucked her hair behind her ear. "Yeah."_

_They looked at each other again and Jess's lips began to twitch. Then, all of a sudden, he was laughing loudly. _

"_Why are you laughing?" Rory asked nervously._

"_This!" Jess motioned to himself, to Rory, and then to the room. "The whole situation. You don't think it's funny?" He asked, still laughing._

"_No." Rory said, frowning. Slowly, as Jess kept laughing, that frown turned into a smile. "OK, yeah. A little." _

_Jess finally stopped laughing, and awkward silence filled the room. Each time Jess tried to meet Rory's eyes, she quickly looked in another direction._

"_So," Rory began as she looked down at the files she had before her, "I haven't gotten to read a draft of your book yet, but…"_

"_I'm not mad at you." Jess said quickly._

"_What?" Rory asked, her head shooting up to look at him._

"_I figured I might as well say it now in hopes of avoiding any more of this awkward, uncomfortable feeling. Well, avoiding as much awkwardness as possible, anyway. I'm not mad."_

"_Good." Rory said. "You don't really have a right to be."_

_Jess smirked, "Well, neither do you. So, here we are."_

"_Yes. Here we are." Rory said. "And I think it's better for both of us if we keep this completely professional."_

_Jess nodded. "Fine. Professional. Agreed."_

"_Good." Rory said. "Now, as I was saying, I haven't had the opportunity to read a draft of your book yet, as I was just given this assignment today. However, I-."_

"_Christiane Amapour was never an editor, was she?" Jess demanded._

_Rory looked at him blankly. "What?"_

"_You heard me. You wanted to be an overseas correspondent. What are you doing at a publishing house?"_

_Rory sighed. "What happened to keeping it professional?"_

"_We are." Jess said with a shrug. "We're talking about profession, aren't we?" _

_Rory had to smile at the way he was twisting logic. Some things didn't change._

"_I decided journalism wasn't right for me." Rory said._

_Jess raised his eyebrows. "It's all you ever wanted to do, and you were good at it."_

"_It wasn't for me, OK?" Rory said, getting defensive. "I decided it wasn't for me and that I was much better suited for publishing. It's what I decided to do because it's what was right for me."_

"_Whoa." Jess said, holding his hands up. "I didn't mean to get you all upset. Sorry." _

"_I'm not upset." Rory said harshly._

"_You seem a little upset." Jess said, smirking._

"_Well, I'm not." Rory replied quickly. "Can we please continue?"_

"_Sure." Jess said, curious about what had caused that outburst. "Sorry. Go ahead."_

"_Thank you." Rory said. "Now, I haven't read your draft yet, but according to these deadlines, your next draft is due in two weeks. Is that right?"_

_Jess nodded._

"_OK, well I'll have my suggestions and corrections to you in about two days. Will that be enough time for you to work them into that draft?"_

_Jess nodded again. _

"_Good." Rory said. "What's your book about?"_

_Jess didn't answer. He just looked at her silently._

"_Well?" Rory asked, impatiently._

_Jess continued to sit there quietly._

_Rory dropped her head in her hands. "Are you going to say anything?" She demanded, frustrated. _

"_Everything I say seems to be making you mad so I thought I'd try not talking. That seems to be making you mad too though. You need to make up your mind." Jess said, still smirking._

_Rory sighed. "This isn't going to work."_

"_Don't say that. I'm just messing around. You know me." Jess said._

_No. She didn't. Rory didn't know Jess anymore. They hadn't known each other since they were 18. Some aspects of his personality had changed. The old Jess would've been mad and would've refused to work with her. Hell, the old Jess wouldn't have written a book. Yet, he seemed to have the same sarcastic, nonchalant nature that he'd always possessed. _

"_Look. I'll behave." Jess said. "OK? I'll be good. You asked what my book was about? It's a novel about a 14-year-old Italian boy who moves to America with his parents. They die and he's thrown into the system. He gets tossed around to different orphanages and foster homes until he's 18, when he's thrown out into the streets of America for pretty much the first time. He struggles to make something of himself, but he ends up killing himself by throwing himself in front of a bus."_

"_Wow." Rory said. "That's morbid."_

_Jess shrugged. "That's life."_

"_I guess." Rory said. "Well, it sounds great. Did you do research on the department of children and family services?"_

_Jess nodded. "I spent 6 months tailing social workers and asking them questions. I learned a lot."_

"_Impressive." Rory said, nodding. "I can't wait to read it. I mean, you're getting it published so it can't be terrible."_

_Jess laughed. "Please, Rory. You work in publishing. You should know that getting a book published means nothing."_

_Rory was going to argue, but instead she allowed herself to snicker. "Yeah, you're right. Even if your book sucks though, I have to pretend to like it."_

"_Oh?" Jess asked, cocking an eyebrow._

_Rory nodded seriously. "It's in your contract."_

_The two shared a smile before Rory looked away and said, "OK, so anyway, what major revisions are you working on right now?"_

* * *

Rory's eyes snapped open and she looked around in confusion. Where was she? What happened? Why did her clothes feel so big?

"Oh, yeah." Rory whispered. For a moment, she had forgotten where she was and why she was there. Logan had called off the wedding. She was in Jess's apartment.

_Jess's apartment._ She thought, amazed. What had possessed her to come here? Oh yes. Fear of how everyone else was going to react. Fear that facing everyone was going to make the situation ten times more painful than it already was. Jess though…she knew that he wasn't going to judge her or blame her for this. She knew that he'd let her cry and cope and not try to push her into feeling any particular way about the situation. She knew that he'd take care of her and more importantly, let her take care of herself without doting or freaking out. Rory knew that he'd be her friend through this.

"Morning." Jess called from his small kitchen.

"Morning?" Rory asked, confused.

"Yup." Jess said, not turning his attention away from the eggs he was making. "You've been asleep since yesterday afternoon."

"Huh." Rory said, sitting up.

"Hey, that's my line." Jess said jokingly, sliding the scrambled eggs onto a plate. He buttered some toast and put that on the plate as well. He picked up a fork, placed it on top of the plate, grabbed a full coffee mug and brought it all over to Rory. He placed the meal on the coffee table and said, "You must be starving. This is the only stuff I had in the apartment, so…"

"It's fine." Rory cut him off. "It's more than fine. Thank you."

Rory dug into her eggs and sighed as she chewed them. She devoured them quickly, the toast soon following. She washed it all down by swallowing her coffee in no more than four gulps.

Jess stood smirking with his arms folded across his chest as he watched her eat.

"Why are staring at me like that?" Rory asked, feeling suddenly uncomfortable.

Jess laughed and said, "Because you just ate a whole meal in under four minutes. I think that's a new record."

Rory swallowed the last of her coffee. "I haven't eaten since the day before yesterday." She said in a small voice.

"Hey, I'm not judging." Jess said, putting his hands up defensively.

Rory allowed a small smile to form. "I know."

She was smiling. Jess noticed immediately, but didn't want to say anything. He knew that she didn't want him to draw any attention to her circumstances. That's why she'd come to him in the first place.

Rory's smile faded as she began to toy with her engagement ring. "I guess I should get back to the hotel."

Jess shrugged. "I'm not kicking you out." He said simply. He took the plate from in front of Rory and brought it over to the sink, where he rinsed it off and left it for later. He turned back to Rory and asked, "Are you ready to face everybody? If you are, then leave. If not, you don't have to leave."

"I know that I'm not ready." Rory whispered. "I can't go back there."

Jess shrugged. "You don't have to. Spend the rest of the day with me."

Rory looked at Jess. "I don't have any clothes."

Jess shrugged yet again. "So just wear more of mine. The white-trash look works for you."

Rory smiled weakly. "Can I take a shower?"

"No. You have to smell." Jess said, rolling his eyes. "Of course you can shower. Go right ahead. Grab some more of my clothes from the room. Towels are in the bathroom already."

Rory nodded and stood up. "Thanks, Jess." She said, quietly.

"Welcome." Jess mumbled, watching her shuffle slowly into the other room with a shake of his head. This was absolutely the most bizarre situation of his life.

_

* * *

"I loved your book." Rory gushed as Jess walked up to her desk._

_Jess smirked. "The unconditional praise is by far my favorite part of my contract." He sat down in the chair facing the desk. _

_"I'm serious!" Rory said. "My God, I was ready to cry by the end of it. I seriously think that you broke my heart."_

_Awkward, deafening silence followed the statement. Rory looked at Jess with embarrassment flushing her face. "I mean…"_

_Jess waved it off. "I know what you meant." He said, but his eyes were on his lap as he said it. "I'm glad you liked it."_

_"I did." Rory said, toying with her ring. "It was wonderful. I really think that it's going to be the best book Rand Florin has ever published."_

_Jess smiled proudly. "Really?" He asked nervously. "You really think so?"_

_Rory nodded. "It's great, Jess. Really, it is. I was floored. I couldn't put it down. I…I didn't know you could write like that."_

_Once, in a rare moment of complete openness, Jess had shyly admitted that he liked to write. He'd never let her read anything that he wrote, but she knew that he had good ideas from the way he wrote in the margins of books. His writing wasn't good, though. It was amazing._

_"Neither did I." Jess said honestly. "But once I started writing it, I couldn't keep it in me. I just had to get it all out on paper as soon as possible."_

_"Hence your first draft being written on scraps of paper." Rory said, nodding._

_"Exactly." Jess said. "Then I let my girlfriend read it. Well, actually, she stole it and read it. She convinced me to try to publish it. I sent it out a couple places and Rand Florin gave me the best offer."_

_"That's really great." Rory said with a smile. She was afraid that knowing Jess had moved on was going to make her jealous or uncomfortable. It didn't though. It actually relieved her. She was glad he was moving on. She was glad that those feelings didn't exist for him anymore because they were certainly gone for her. Rory smiled down at her ring as she thought of Logan. "What's your girlfriend's name?" _

_"Now this isn't professional conversation at all, Ms. Gilmore." Jess said teasingly._

_Rory laughed and shrugged. "So, I'm breaking my own rule." _

_"Her name is Paige." Jess said. "Who gave you the iceberg that sank the Titanic?"_

_"What?" Rory asked, confused. _

_"The engagement ring." Jess said, nodding at her hand._

_"Oh." Rory said, her smile turning from confused to dreamy. "His name is Logan Huntzberger."_

_Jess's eyebrows raised up at the name. "As in the Huntzberger family who owns all those newspapers?"_

_It was Rory's turn to be surprised. She looked at Jess confusedly, wondering how he knew that._

_"What?" Jess asked, mock-defensively. "I know things." _

_Rory laughed lightly. "Yes. Logan's father is the newspaper magnate."_

_"Wow, look at you, marrying Richie Rich. Do you love him?" Jess asked curiously._

_"Yeah." Rory said, smiling brightly. "I really do."_

_"That's cool." Jess said sincerely. "Congrats."_

_"Thank you." Rory said. The two looked at each other, smiling comfortably. _

_"So," Jess said after a moment, "Do you have your revisions and recommendations for me?"_

_"Of course I do." Rory said, picking up the thick manuscript in front of her. She handed it to Jess. "I expect to have them all incorporated into your next draft. If there's anything you want to argue, we can certainly do that." _

_Jess smirked. "You're, like, my boss."_

_Rory laughed. "Pretty much, yeah."_

_"Weird." Jess said, standing. "OK, I'll talk to you in a day or two. Thanks, Rory."_

_Rory watched him turn to leave thoughtfully before she said, "Hey, Jess?"_

_Jess turned around to look at her and she continued, "Do you want to get some coffee later on today or something? You know, catch up and stuff?" _

_Jess smiled. "Sure. I'll meet you here at…"_

_"Five." Rory said._

_"Five." Jess agreed. "See ya then, boss."_


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **If I had any claim to Jess, do you really think I'd be sitting here typing this right now? I own nothing, much to my dismay. Though ASP can keep season 5 Rory. I don't want her.

**A/N**: Well, I have no idea where Bend And Not Break is going, which is great for those who are enjoying this story! I don't know how many more flashbacks I'm going to do. As many as it takes to establish Rory and Jess's relationship, I guess. I hope you all like this chapter. Let me know what you think!

**Tres**

Rory wiped steam off the mirror with the palm of her hand and stared hard at her reflection. Her eyes were still a little red, but they weren't swollen like they had been yesterday. Her wet hair hung in strands past her shoulders and she longed for something to pull it up. She wiped at her eyes as they threatened to tear up again.

"Let's try to not cry today." Rory told her reflection forcefully. It was then that she actually looked at herself as a whole for the first time. There were no identifiable differences to account for, yet Rory didn't even recognize herself. Since she was 20 years old, she'd used Logan to help define who she was. She was Logan's casual girlfriend, then she was his serious girlfriend, and then she was his fiancée. She was planning on being his wife. She _wanted_ to be his wife. She loved him, and she wanted Logan to continue to help define her. She wanted to be his wife, the mother of his children. She wanted to be with him for the rest of her life. She thought that he wanted that too. Now that it wasn't going to happen, part of Rory was missing. She was supposed to be Logan's wife. Now she was just Rory again, and she didn't know how to be Rory anymore.

Rory sniffed tears back furiously and turned away from the mirror quickly. She wouldn't do this to herself. She wasn't ready to do this to herself. Besides, maybe he'd come back. Maybe it was all a mistake. Rory genuinely almost believed that things would still work out.

Rory opened the bathroom door, allowing all the steam to escape with her. She stepped out and looked for Jess. She found him in the corner of living room, typing on his laptop.

"Look at you, being a writer." Rory said, coming up behind him.

Jess turned around and chuckled at the site Rory made. She was wearing a pair of his jeans which dropped low on her hips, even with the belt she was using to hold them up. She'd had to create a new hole in it to make it small enough. She was wearing a black, button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows.

"You look anorexic."

Rory shrugged. "I'm not trying to impress anyone." She sat down on the couch. "How's the draft coming?"

"That depends. Are you asking as my editor or my friend?"

"Friend." Rory said. The word still felt strange when she was referring to Jess. It was still so bizarre that things had changed between them the way they had.

"Well, since you're asking as my friend, I can tell you that I'm not where I'm supposed to be. But my editor is off for the next two weeks, so I have plenty of time to catch up." Jess said, standing up and stretching. He sat next to Rory on the couch with a small smile.

Rory smirked but it was sad. "I should be on a plane right now, overlooking the ocean on my way to paradise."

"Where were you going to honeymoon?" Jess asked.

"Fiji." Rory said. "It's supposed to be beautiful this time of year. Besides Europe, I've never been anywhere. I really wanted to go. I wanted to…"

"Say it." Jess commanded gently. "You'll feel better if you say it."

Rory looked up at Jess, meeting his eyes for the first time that morning. "I wanted to be married." She looked down at her engagement ring, then back at Jess with tears in her eyes. "I don't feel any better." She whispered.

Jess hesitated thoughtfully, and finally threw an arm casually around Rory's shoulders. He hugged her to him gently and said, "I didn't say you'd feel better right away. You will though. I promise."

Rory let her head drop against Jess's shoulder. "I really love him, you know."

Jess nodded. "I know you do."

"We had a house picked out." Rory said, shifting positions so she could look at him while she talked. She sat down on her knees, tucking her hands under her. The position gave her the appearance of an eager child. "We had this perfect colonial house picked out. It's right on the outskirts of the city so it's close to work for both of us. Three bedrooms besides the master one and a study that's lined with the most gorgeous bookshelves you've ever seen. It's the perfect house, and it's perfect to raise a family in."

Jess immediately picked up her switch to present tense. Part of her still thought it was all going to happen. Jess hoped that things did work out, but didn't see much hope for a relationship where the groom bailed on his wedding day.

"It sounds nice." Jess said, as noncommittally as he could.

Rory nodded. "It is nice." She thought for a moment and her shoulders sagged. "It would've been nice."

Jess tightened his grip on Rory's shoulders. "Are you still hungry?" He asked.

Rory nodded, afraid that actually speaking would allow the tears to spill.

"Me too." Jess said. "Let's go grocery shopping."

Rory turned to Jess with one eyebrow raised. "Grocery shopping?"

Jess shrugged. "I told you that I didn't have anymore food here. You can wait here if you want, but I have to go shopping."

Rory hesitated. The thought of being alone right now terrified her. She had no idea what she would do. She nodded. "Alright." She said with a shrug. "Let's go grocery shopping."

* * *

"Cookies?" Rory asked, holding up a package of Chips Ahoy.

Jess shrugged. "Toss them in."

Rory smiled and placed the cookies in the cart that Jess was pushing. He grabbed a canister of peanuts off the shelf and put them in the cart too. They turned down the next aisle, which happened to be the canned food aisle.

"Oh!" Rory exclaimed. "Spaghetti-Os are two for a dollar!"

Jess made a disgusted face. "You eat Spaghetti-Os?"

Rory looked at him innocently. "You don't?"

"No." Jess said, still making a face. "They're absolutely disgusting. How can you put that in your body?"

"They're delicious." Rory said as if it was obvious, picking up two cans.

"Maybe to a five-year-old." Jess said, "And probably to a college student. A 26-year-old woman should not be eating Spaghetti-Os."

Rory pouted and put the cans back on the shelf, walking ahead with her head and shoulders sagging.

Jess sighed and picked up the cans she'd put down. He put them in the cart, but not before making another disgusted face at them. Rory turned around just as he did and smiled brightly at him. "Thank you." She said.

"You're the one who's going to be eating them tonight." Jess said with a shrug. He reached up and grabbed a can of green beans and two cans of carrots.

"Eww." Rory said, wrinkling up her nose. "What are you buying those for?"

"Because besides feeding you for the rest of the day, I'm also doing my shopping for the week." Jess said, putting the vegetables in the shopping cart. "And I like vegetables."

"Weird." Rory said, shaking her head. "Ooh! Candy aisle!"

Jess rolled his eyes. "Oh God." He said in mock annoyance. Secretly, he was glad that she had her mind off Logan and her botched wedding for the time being. The smile she'd flashed when he put the Spaghetti-Os in the cart had been genuine for the first time since yesterday. If letting her pick out food that he was never going to eat made her smile, then he'd let her pick out all the candy and disgusting canned foods that she wanted.

Rory returned to the cart with a bag of lollipops, a few bags of Skittles, several boxes of Red Vines and two huge chocolate bars. "Do you want anything?" She asked.

Jess laughed. "No. I like having all my own teeth."

Rory shrugged. "Fine." She turned back to the aisle and stopped dead in her tracks.

"Rory? What is it?" Jess asked, following her eyes. They were glued to a bag of miniature Milky Ways. "We can get those too."

"No." Rory said shaking her head. "They're just…Logan really loves Milky Ways."

She delicately lifted the bag up and stared at it for a long moment. She placed it in the cart next to the other candy. She looked up at Jess and her smile had turned painfully sad. "Are we done?" She asked hopefully.

Jess nodded. "Yeah. Let's just go grab some orange juice and we'll be done. And hey, how about we buy some Easy Mac?"

Rory nodded slowly. "You like Easy Mac?" She asked.

"No." Jess responded with a shrug.

Rory smiled softly, but lowered her head so her hair veiled the gesture. "Ok." She whispered.

* * *

"Where does the coffee go?" Rory asked, pulling the canister out of a paper bag.

"Just toss it on the counter." Jess said, putting some cans away. He left the Spaghetti-Os out so he could make them for Rory later.

"What time is it?" Rory asked as she took a bite of one of her candy bars.

Jess glanced at his watch. "Almost 4." He said.

Rory nodded. "Can I use your phone? I should call my mom."

"Sure." Jess said, not looking at her. "It's in the bedroom. Go for it."

Rory wandered into the bedroom and picked up the phone. She sat on the bed and stared at the handset for a moment before she dialed her mother's cell phone number with shaky fingers.

The phone rang once before her mother answered. "Hello?" Her voice asked, sounding nervous.

"Hi, mom." Rory said quietly.

"Rory!" Lorelai said her name with a relieved sigh. "Thank God. Where are you? Are you OK?"

"I'm fine, mom." Rory said. "Well, I'm physically fine."

"I found the note that Logan left." Lorelai said. "And Colin told us that the jerk ran off. I'm so sorry, baby."

Rory didn't say anything, just sniffled a little. After a moment, Lorelai continued, "But you really shouldn't have been surprised."

"Mom!" Rory exclaimed tearfully.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound unfeeling, because I'm not. I'm just saying…"

_Don't say it, don't say it._ Rory silently pleaded.

"I told you so." Lorelai said quietly.

Tears poured out of Rory's eyes and she could hear her mother on the other end of the phone. "Rory? Rory are you there?"

Rory sniffed again and said, "Yeah."

"Where are you, baby? We went to your apartment, and to the house you and Logan bought."

"I'm not there." Rory whispered between sobs.

"I noticed. Where are you?" Lorelai asked. "We'll come get you. Everyone's been so worried, and so mad about what that jerk did to you."

That jerk was the man Rory was in love with, and it hurt to hear the contempt in her mother's voice.

"I swear, I'll kill him next time I see him." Rory continued vehemently. "If he thinks he can do this to you…"

"Mom, stop." Rory wailed into the phone. "I love him."

"He's scum." Lorelai said, almost as if Rory hadn't spoken. "He ran away on your wedding day. Look, babe, we'll talk about everything later. Just tell me where you are so I can come get you."

Rory sobbed some more as she thought of having to hear her mother criticize Logan. Hearing it over the phone was painful enough. She couldn't imagine having to see her mom's face as she said 'I told you so.'

"No." Rory whispered into the phone before hanging up. Almost immediately, the phone rang again and Rory cursed the invention of caller ID. She held the phone in her hands, letting it ring shrilly.

Jess walked into the room, confused. "Gonna answer that?"

Rory looked up at her tearfully with a shake of her head. "It's my mom, and I can't."

Jess nodded and took the phone from her. He turned it on and said, "Hola?" in a fairly horrible Spanish accent.

"Umm, is Rory there?" Lorelai asked, confused.

"Rory?" Jess asked, still in the accent.

Rory looked up at Jess, amazed and confused by what he was doing.

"Yes, Rory." Lorelai said impatiently.

"Lo siento. Esto es un telefono pagado." Jess said, his accent strengthening and sounding better as he continued speaking.

"What?" Lorelai asked, confused and annoyed. "En ingles, por favor?" It was the only Spanish that she knew.

"How you say…paid telephone?" Jess said.

"Oh! A payphone. Gracias." Lorelai said as she hung up.

Jess hung the phone up and looked at Rory with a grin. "There we go. That's taken care of."

Rory looked at Jess with big, teary eyes for a moment before she started to laugh. She laughed loudly and said, "That was the worst Spanish accent _ever_."

Jess sat next to Rory on the bed and said, "It's good to hear you laugh."

Rory immediately stopped laughing, and sniffed back a few tears. "She said 'I told you so.' I knew she was going to say it."

Jess sighed. "I'm sorry."

Rory sniffed again. "For what?"

Jess shrugged. "That you didn't get married. That things didn't work out the way you wanted them to."

Rory looked at Jess, shocked by the sincerity in his voice. "I can tell you mean that."

"Of course." Jess said, putting his arm around Rory. Rory leaned into the casual hug and dropped her head on Jess's shoulder.

"Thank you, Jess. Thank you for not asking questions and for just being here for me." Rory said hoarsely, ready to cry again.

"Don't worry about it." Jess said, petting her hair gently. "That's what friends are for, right?"

Rory sighed shakily and nodded into Jess's shoulder. "Right."

* * *

_Rory took a sip of her coffee, and then held the mug in her hands. "So…" She said tentatively, looking up at Jess._

_"So." Jess said, stirring sugar into his coffee. "Here we are."_

_"Yeah." Rory said with a nod. "Here we are."_

_"How are your mom and Luke?" Jess asked awkwardly._

_"Good." Rory said, smiling. "They've been married for four years now. Their son William is so cute. He's almost three."_

_Jess nodded. "I haven't seen them since the wedding. I talk to Luke on the phone every couple of months, but I can't make myself go back to Stars Hollow to visit."_

_"You should." Rory said. "Meet your cousin."_

_"Who's also your brother." Jess said, shaking his head. "Weird. You and I are step-cousins."_

_Rory laughed. "Who would've thought?"_

_Jess shrugged. "I always knew your mom and Luke would get together. It was so obvious."_

_Rory nodded. "Everyone knew but them, I guess. So, did you ever end up going back to school?"_

_Jess chuckled. "Not so good at making a segue, are you? I took writing classes, but I never got a high school diploma or anything. All I wanted to do was write. What about you? A Yale graduate, class of 2007?" _

_"2008." Rory corrected quietly, looking at her hands. "I took a year off." _

_"Cool." Jess said. "A lot of people to that. What'd you do for that year?"_

_"I lived with my grandparents, bummed around, did some community service to avoid jail time…" Rory trailed off._

_Jess's eyebrows practically shot off his head. "Jail time? Rory Gilmore, I'm impressed. What'd you do?"_

_Rory blushed. "I stole a boat."_

_Jess laughed loudly at the image of Rory stealing a boat. "I want to record you saying that and play it back when I feel depressed." He said, wiping tears from his eyes._

_Rory smiled slightly, more at Jess's laughter than his comment. She'd never heard him laugh so hard. He was happy. Jess Mariano was happy with life. It was a day Rory had never thought she'd see. _

_Jess noticed Rory staring at him and cocked his head to the side. "What?" He asked._

_"You." Rory said. "You're so…different."_

_Jess just shrugged at the comment, prompting Rory to respond, "OK, maybe you haven't changed entirely."_

_Jess smirked. "Everybody grows up, Rory. Everybody changes, whether you want to believe it or not."_

_There it was. The bitterness in his voice betrayed his demeanor, and Rory knew that the comment referred back to the night he'd wanted her to run away with him. She knew it was only a matter of time before they'd hit this snag. It was part of the reason she asked him out for coffee. She wanted to get it over with._

_"It wasn't that I didn't believe you changed, Jess. It was a ridiculous offer. You never should've come to my dorm that night. You have no right to be mad that I said no."_

_Jess looked ready to fire back a comment, but then the storm in his eyes calmed. "You're right. It just still feels so natural to get mad about it, because I was mad about it for a long time."_

_"And what stopped that?" Rory asked, curious. _

_"I realized that I never loved you." Jess responded._

_"Oh." Rory said, disappointed for some reason. She'd loved him once, and believed that he loved her back. It sort of hurt to know that he hadn't felt the same way. _

_"You never loved me either." Jess continued, as if reading her mind. Rory's head snapped up._

_"What?" She asked, somewhat annoyed by his assumption._

_Jess sighed and tried to think of the best way to explain his thoughts. "We were in love with these ideals we had about each other. I built you up in my head to be this person that you weren't, and I know you did the same about me. We had this amazing passion and a lot in common, so we wanted to believe it was love. It wasn't. I know that now."_

_Rory sat in silence as she digested Jess's words. He was right. She knew he was. It was the reason it had been so easy for her to forget him when he went to California, and again when he left her dorm that night. They'd never really been in love. _

_Rory looked up at Jess again, and saw that he was waiting for a response. "Do you remember when I came to visit you here and we spent the day at that music store and just hanging out?"_

_Jess nodded. "Yeah."_

_"And do you remember sitting on the bridge, talking about books?" _

_"Of course." Jess said. _

_Rory smiled. "We were friends."_

_"Yeah." Jess responded. "We were."_

_"I liked that." Rory said, hoping he understood what she was getting at._

_Jess smiled. "So did I." After a moment, he continued, "We could do that again. You know, be friends?"_

_Rory smiled back at him. "I'd like that."_

_"Yeah, me too." Jess said. He raised his coffee mug and said, "Friends?"_

_Rory raised hers and tapped it lightly against Jess's. "Yeah. Friends."_


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** It's not my world, I just want to live in it )

**A/N**: OK, first and foremost, you all rock so much! Thanks for the HUGE response I'm getting to this story, and please keep those reviews coming. Secondly, I've gotten a lot of questions about whether or not this is going to be a literati story. I honestly can't say if Rory and Jess are going to end up more than friends. You're just going to have to keep reading. I CAN however guarantee that she will not end up with icky Logan. Finally, this will probably be the last update for a bit because I'm working on a story for the Gilmore Girls ficathon on LJ, and that has a deadline, so it has to come first. Don't worry though, it isn't a Rory/Jess story, so I'm sure whenever I get bored with it, I'll be working on this one ) OK, that's it. Enjoy and review!

**Quattro**

"Love means never having to say you're sorry." Rory whispered along with Ali McGraw. She was sitting on Jess's couch with a container of ice cream, watching _Love Story_ on television.

Jess rolled his eyes. "Lame," He said matter-of-factly, sneaking his spoon into Rory's ice cream.

"It is not lame." Rory said, eyes filling up with tears. "It's beautiful."

"It's lame." Jess repeated. "Forget the fact that this is the cheesiest movie ever, and just focus on that line and the fact that it makes absolutely no sense."

Rory ate a spoonful of ice cream and said, "It's the whole thought behind it though. She loves him so much that she doesn't need an apology."

Jess craftily took another spoonful of ice cream without Rory noticing and slid it quickly into his mouth. He swallowed and said, "You're only saying that because you're wallowing. You know that if you were in a good mood, you'd totally be mocking this movie with me."

Rory shook her head. "I love this movie. Besides, you aren't affectively letting me wallow. You keep making conversation and that is _not_ part of the wallowing process."

Jess shrugged. "You're the one who's wallowing, not me."

"But you're supposed to let me wallow." Rory said as if it was obvious.

"Don't you think it makes more sense to get your mind off of it instead of letting you wallow in misery?" Jess argued, dipping into the ice cream again. This time, Rory caught him and slapped his hand away.

"I used to think that too." Rory said. "But after Dean and I broke up-."

"Which time?" Jess asked, rolling his eyes at the mention of Dean.

"The first." Rory continued. "I tried to take my mind off things. I ended up kissing another guy and then having a mini nervous breakdown."

"But I'm bored!" Jess complained. "Can't you wallow while we watch something else? Or while we play Super Nintendo? Come on. Nothing says 'wallow' like a few good games of Mario Kart." He stuck his lower lip out childishly and gave Rory puppy eyes.

Rory smiled at him. He wasn't going to let her wallow her way. He was far too impatient to put up with anymore chick flicks. "Ok." She said. "We'll play Mario Kart. I can't believe you have a Super Nintendo."

Jess shrugged and picked up the controllers. He handed one to Rory before putting the game in and turning on the system. "This is classic gaming right here."

Rory chose her character and said, "You'd better let me win."

Jess laughed. "You wish. I have no sympathy, even for pathetic, heartbroken girls like you."

Rory smiled in spite of herself at his comment. "Asshole." She murmured.

"Oh, I haven't heard that one before." Jess replied sarcastically.

"Start the game." Rory murmured, ready to play.

* * *

"Ha!" Rory said, tossing the controller down. "That's the seventeenth game in a row that I won!"

Jess shrugged. "Well, you told me to let you win."

"Shut up." Rory said, knocking into him with her shoulder and yawning. "You know you were making an attempt. I'm just better than you."

"Well, that may be true, but I'll never admit to it." Jess said, studying Rory. "You look tired."

Rory nodded. "A little."

"You should get some sleep." Jess said, standing up and turning the console off. "Because tomorrow I'm going to take you home."

Rory nodded and stood. She stretched her tired limbs and said, "Yeah. Have I said thank you yet, Jess?"

Jess smirked as he put the controllers away. "Only about a million times."

"Well, thank you." Rory repeated for the million and first time.

"Not necessary." Jess said, facing her. "Why don't you sleep in my bed? I'll crash on the couch."

"Are you sure?" Rory asked unsurely.

Jess nodded. "I'm sure. You need a good night's rest more than I do. Go ahead, go get some sleep."

Rory smiled sleepily at him and nodded. "You're a good friend, Jess." She whispered before padding off into his bedroom.

* * *

Jess banged on the door to his bedroom loudly. "Wake up, Rory!" He yelled.

Inside the room, he heard some garbled noises. He opened the door and smirked at the sight Rory made as she sat up in his bed, her hair all over the place and her eyes heavy with sleep.

"Morning." Jess said, leaning against the door with an amused grin.

Rory peered at him through her disheveled hair and mumbled something unintelligible.

"Come on, get your ass out of my bed. I made you breakfast, and then I'm taking you home." Jess said with a smile.

_Home._ Rory thought sadly. There was no home. There was her apartment, but there was no one waiting there for her. You needed someone waiting for you to make it a home. Rory firmly believed that. She'd been waiting to go home with Logan for five years, and now it wasn't going to happen. She was never going to have a home. Rory sighed. She couldn't let Jess know that. He'd done so much for her already. She couldn't let him know how scared she was to go back to her apartment and be by herself. She couldn't rely on him to take care of her anymore.

Rory looked up at Jess and nodded. "OK. Let me get dressed and I'll be right out."

Jess nodded. "Take your time. I made bacon." He said.

Rory's eyes lit up a little. "I'll be out even faster."

Jess smiled and closed the door to let her change. He walked back to the kitchen to make up a plate for her. He wouldn't admit it, but he'd like having her there the day before. She was emotional and that was pretty awkward and not the most fun, but in the few moments when she'd forgotten _why_ she was at his apartment, it'd been fun having her around. It'd been so long since he'd had a friend around him for that long and he'd enjoyed it. For the first time, he was realizing how much he missed having Rory as a friend. He was glad that she had come to him because it meant that they were truly past any awkwardness from their past together. He only wished that the circumstances were…well, anything else. When he answered the door to find her there, a wet, miserable, destroyed shell, his heart absolutely broke for her. He hated to see her destroyed, which was why he hadn't asked any questions and just tried to be a friend for her. Now she was doing a little better, it was time for her to face the real world and go home. She couldn't hide at his place forever.

Jess heard the bedroom door open and turned around. He laughed loudly at Rory and the sight she made. She was wearing one of his old Metallica T-shirts with a pair of black shorts that went down past her knees. She had her feet in a pair of flip-flops that were far too big for her small feet. She had her hair out of her face with an old red bandana of his.

"Congratulations. You've officially topped yesterday's outfit." Jess said, still laughing. "I'm never going to look at my clothes the same way again."

Rory smiled a small smile. "If you think you're getting these shorts back, you're crazy. They are _so_ comfy. I'm never taking them off."

Jess rolled his eyes and handed her a full plate of food. "Eat. We've gotta get going."

"Why so desperate to get rid of me?" Rory demanded, feeling a little hurt. She sat down with her plate.

"I'm not desperate to get rid of you." Jess replied. "But I do have a lot of work to do, and Paige is coming back to New York today so I was going to spend some time with her."

"Oh." Rory nodded. "Of course. I completely kept you away from your life the last couple of days. I'm so sorry." She used her fork to toy with her eggs.

'Don't do that." Jess said with a sigh. "You didn't keep me from anything. I was glad to have you here, Rory. If I didn't want to help, I would've kicked you out. Don't you dare apologize for needing a friend." He sat next to her. "You can't hide here though, Rory. We both know that."

Rory nodded. "I know. Let's have breakfast, and then we'll go."

Jess smiled at his friend. "OK. Let's eat. I made way too much bacon so I hope you're hungry."

Rory smiled. "Hi, have we met? Bring on the bacon!"

* * *

"Nice building." Jess said with an approving nod as he and Rory walked up the steps.

"Thanks." Rory murmured quietly. To Jess it may have looked like a nice, normal apartment building, but to Rory it looked like a huge, stone monster ready to devour her.

Rory looked at the large glass doors and realized that she didn't have a key. It was packed away in her luggage, which was at her and Logan's would-be house, ready to be picked up and taken to the airport, even though now it never would be. She had a spare key, but ironically, it was in her apartment.

"I can pick the lock." Jess offered helpfully, realizing where Rory's train of thought was.

Rory shook her head. "That wouldn't go over so well." She said quietly. She looked over at the list of names and the buttons next to them, wondering which of her neighbors to call on for assistance. She scanned the list for a long moment before finally pressing a button.

"Hello?" A voice crackled over the intercom.

'Hi Mrs. Preston. It's Rory Gilmore from next door. I don't have my key. Could you buzz me in please?"

"Of course, darling." Mrs. Preston said, sounding very confused. There was a buzzing sound and the click of the door unlocking. Rory stepped in. Jess followed close behind her, even though she didn't ask him to.

The entered the lobby of the building and Rory silently shuffled over to the elevator and pressed the up button. Rory and Jess stepped into the elevator and Rory pressed the button for the tenth floor. The elevator moved slowly up and finally the doors opened. Rory shuffled out of the elevator, still followed by a silent Jess.

A door opened and woman in her 40s stepped out in the hall. She had perfectly styled blonde hair and designer reading glasses perched on her long nose. "Rory, darling! Your mother has been here several times looking for you. I'm so sorry about the wedding, Rory. Dreadful thing that is." She looked behind Rory at Jess and her mouth curved up into a small smile. "Though it looks like you're recovering nicely."

Rory smiled weakly at the woman. "Thanks, Mrs. Preston. I'm going to go inside now."

"Of course, darling." Mrs. Preston replied, still eying up Jess. "If you need me though, you just give a yell." With one last long look at the young man who'd accompanied Rory, she stepped back into her apartment.

"That was damn near terrifying." Jess commented, shuddering. "Which apartment is yours?"

Rory nodded towards the door marked 10E. She reached up to the top of the doorframe and removed the key to her door. She inserted it into the lock and pushed the door open quietly. She entered her apartment, and allowed Jess to enter as well before closing the door again.

Jess looked around Rory's apartment curiously, having never been there before. It was twice the size of his. The living room was home to a large television and a leather sofa and recliner, and she had a dining room. Her kitchen was the size of his bedroom, and he couldn't even imagine what her bedroom looked like.

"You've got it made, kid." Jess said, looking around.

Rory shrugged and looked around her apartment. Her gaze fell on the couch, where she and Logan had made love more times than she could count. They'd start with the intentions of making their way to her bedroom, but many times their passion was too intense for them to make it.

Rory tore her gaze away from the sofa to the television, which had been a gift from Logan. He said they needed something bigger to watch movies on, especially classic mocking movies like _Crossroads _and _Glitter_. Rory's eyes began to tear up as she thought about movie mocking with Logan. It was almost always one-sided. Rory would mock mercilessly while Logan laughed at her commentary. He wasn't one for mocking movies that he didn't like. He preferred to sit silently, but every now and then, he'd come up with a comment so good that it would keep Rory laughing for days afterwards.

Rory's lip began to quiver as her eyes fell on the end table. There were two framed photos on it. One was of her, Lorelai, and Luke on their wedding day. The other was her and Logan's engagement picture. Logan was sitting on a very ornate chair while Rory sat in his lap with her head resting on his shoulder. The photograph was just casual enough that it didn't look awkward, but still professional enough that both her grandparents and Logan's parents approved of it. The two looked good together. They looked happy.

Rory crossed the space slowly and picked up the photograph. The tears began to spill from her eyes without her even realizing. They splattered on the glass of the frame. Rory felt suddenly lightheaded, and her knees buckled and gave out.

She didn't hit the ground. She landed in Jess's arms and began to sob noisily and uncontrollably. Jess tried to calm her by rubbing her back. Rory suddenly started fighting against him, thrashing against his form. The photograph fell from her hands, and the frame smashed into pieces.

"It's wrong!" Rory screamed through her tears. "It's wrong, it's wrong, it's wrong! It wasn't supposed to happen like this. He was supposed to marry me!" She continued to beat her tiny fists against Jess's shoulders as she wept. "He was supposed to love me."

Finally, Rory stopped assaulting Jess. She dropped her hands to her sides and tears continued to fall from her eyes and her shoulders shook violently.

Jess tentatively put a hand on her back. "Get your clothes." He said firmly.

"What?" Rory asked, not looking up at him.

"Get your clothes." Jess repeated, holding Rory at arm's length so he could look at her. "Get your laptop, your keys, anything you need."

"Jess…" Rory said, confused. She couldn't even see him through the film of tears covering her eyes. She was about to ask him what he was talking about with another burst of sobs overtook her body and she began to convulse as tears poured from her eyes.

"You can't stay here, Rory." Jess said, taking her chin and forcing her to look at him. He wiped the tears away from her face and said, "I know I said you couldn't hide, but you can't stay here either. It's been less than five minutes and you're already falling apart again. I can't let that happen to you."

"Jess…" Rory started, stepping away from him and turning away. "I…"

"Know that you can't be alone." Jess finished for her. "Especially not here."

Rory sighed and deflated. He was right and she knew he was right. When she'd been with Jess, she'd been comfortable and able to hold herself together. The moment she returned here though, that feeling completely left her. She was sad and depressed and terrified and angry. She knew if Jess left her here by herself, then she'd completely break down.

She turned back to Jess, tears still welling up. "You're sure?"

Jess looked at her seriously and said, "Did the Beats revolutionize great writing?"

Rory let out a laugh that sounded more like a twisted form of a sob. She rubbed at her damp eyes and said, "Most of my clothes are at the house. All that's left here is a few business suits and the stuff I don't really wear anymore."

Jess shrugged. "Who are you trying to impress?"

"How long?" Rory asked, knowing that this couldn't be a permanent arrangement.

Jess shrugged again and smirked. "Until you can come to your apartment and not cry. How does that sound?"

Rory thought about it for a long moment even though she knew that this was the best thing for her, even if it wasn't the healthiest of decisions. She nodded. "OK."

* * *

"Do you really think this is going to be OK?" Rory asked Jess as she folded some clothes and put them in the bottom drawer of his dresser, which he had cleared out of him.

Jess shrugged as he made some room in the wardrobe for her. "I think this is probably the most ridiculous idea I've ever had, but I also know that it's what you need. You can't deal with that life right now. I get that."

"You're the only one." Rory murmured bitterly.

Jess shrugged. "I guess I'm special."

"Oh, so many comebacks."

Jess laughed. "Do you want to go pull a 'Liv Tyler in _Empire Records_ freak out moment' alone in your apartment? Because it can easily be arranged."

"No thank you, sir." Rory said, pleased that Jess could joke about this with her. Anyone else would be trying to completely shelter and placate her, but Jess still wasn't afraid to tell it like it was. He knew that while she was fragile, she didn't need to be treated like a doll.

Jess tossed some of his clothes onto the bed and turned to face Rory. "I don't know how this is going to work out." He said honestly. "But, this is what we're doing. Plus, now you can read over my shoulder and tell me how much I suck _as_ I'm writing. Doesn't that sound fun?"

Rory grabbed a pile of T-shirts and put them in the drawer. "Sounds like fun." She agreed. "Although you don't suck. What _sucks_ is the fact that you write all of your new ideas on your hand and then can't read them afterwards. I mean, I really think that we should find out if that word was 'kill' or 'cake'.

Jess shrugged. "I really think it was 'kill.'

"You say that now." Rory replied. "But when Antonio's fifth birthday party takes a murderous turn, boy will your face be red."

"So will my editor's." Jess retorted, smiling.

"Touché." Rory murmured.

Jess touched her shoulder lightly. "I'm going to go into the living room and let you finish up. If you need me, holler for me. Or at least fall loud enough that I'll hear the thud."

Rory nodded. She opened her mouth to speak, but Jess held up his hand.

"If the next words out of your mouth are any variation of 'thank you,' I'm going to kick you in the shins."

Rory shrugged and instead said, "Would you put some coffee on?"

Jess nodded. "You got it." He said as he walked out of the room.

Rory closed the full drawer and sat down on the bed. She folded her hands in her lap and looked around her. Her eyes fell on Jess's bookcases, which were completely full. She smiled softly as she scanned the familiar titles. The sight of so many old friends was a comfort to her. She knew that she'd definitely be catching up on her reading while she was here. She wasn't worried about reading reminding her of Logan. Reading had never been something that she and Logan shared.

Rory sighed and fell back on the bed, looking up at Jess's ceiling. There were several large cracks in the plaster. Rory laid her hands flat on her stomach and closed her eyes. This was wrong. This wasn't supposed to be her life. She wasn't supposed to be here. And with Jess! Of all the people in the world, _Jess_ was the only one she could rely on. Who would've thought? Certainly not Rory. That's how it was though. Her world fell apart, and Jess was the only one who cared enough to help her pick up the pieces. He was the only one who she could count on not to make her feel bad.

She didn't want to rely on Jess for this. She felt guilty that she was letting him do this for her, and part of her couldn't believe that he _was_ doing all this for her. They had agreed to be friends again, and they had certainly adhered to that agreement. They met for coffee or went to movies or to bookstores and they always had a good time. They talked about books, music, movies, and on rare occasions, their personal lives. This, though, went beyond any level of friendship they'd ever experienced. This was a camaraderie that she'd ever only shared with her mother and Lane. Of all the people she ever thought would completely and selflessly be willing to save her, Jess was never even on that list. But, here they were. Rory could only hope that this wouldn't do anything to ruin the friendship they'd struggled to build and that they wouldn't end up wanting to kill each other because of this new arrangement. She also hoped that Jess's girlfriend wouldn't want to kick her ass.

Rory sat up and looked around Jess's room again. Her gaze fell to the corner of the room, where her ruined wedding dress was lying in a crumpled pile. It had been really beautiful before it had been ruined in the rain. Rory loved the way it hugged her slim figure before flowing out regally. She felt beautiful in it, and she felt loved. It absolutely broke her heart that now, when she looked at it, all she felt was pain. That's not the way it was supposed to be. It was supposed to be a symbol of her new life with Logan, not her new life all by herself.

Rory flung herself off the bed and over to her dress. She picked it up in her hands, noticing that the material was still damp from her run through New York City. She hugged it to herself tightly, feeling almost nauseous with her misery. She dropped down on her knees with the dress in her hands, ready to cry. She managed to resist the urge though, holding back her tears. She crawled back over to the bed, and shoved the wedding dress under it forcefully. She stood and brushed off the front of her clothes, well, Jess's clothes as she still hadn't changed out of the ridiculous Metallica T-shirt and oversized shorts.

She hung up the rest of her clothes quickly, making sure Jess still had enough room for all of his. She was going to try to be as small of a hassle for him as she could be. She looked around the room again, feeling suddenly empty. This was wrong. This wasn't where she belonged, and it was probably a mistake. Rory wanted to be able to walk out of the room, thank Jess for being so nice, and go back to her apartment. But she couldn't do that, and she knew she couldn't. She couldn't be alone, and she couldn't go to her mother. This was it. This was where she had to be.

"Please." Rory pleaded aloud, twisting her engagement ring nervously. "Let this be OK." The tears welled up again as she finished silently, "_Please let Logan come back for me."_

She cursed herself for having the thought, but knew that it was one she'd be having often. She wanted him to come back and explain away the pain and the hurt she was feeling. She wanted him to come back so she could forgive him. She wanted him to come back. She knew she should be mad, but that hadn't come yet. All she felt was extreme sadness.

Rory wiped at her damp eyes. She padded out of the room and into the living room. Jess was sitting at the computer, typing something.

"All set." Rory said, coming up behind him.

"I've got good news." Jess said, not looking at her.

"Yeah?" Rory asked shakily. "I could use some."

Jess turned around in his chair with a small smile. "It's raining in Fiji."

Rory's mouth turned up into a smile just in time to catch the tears that were spilling from her eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing outside my own creativity

**A/N: **It's been a long while, eh? My computer was in disrepair for the most tragic month of my life. It's back now though, and that's all that matters! Here's a new chapter for you all to enjoy.Reviews are like crack, only more addictive and less likely to result in death.

**Cinco**

Rory nibbled on the remnants of her last chocolate bar as she sat on the sofa, watching television. Jess sat at his computer, typing hurriedly. They'd been watching reruns of The Cosby Show together when Jess had been struck by his muse. He darted over to the computer and had been typing furiously for over an hour now.

"Want to order a pizza?" Rory asked, changing the channel disinterestedly.

Jess mumbled a response that she couldn't understand, prompting Rory to roll her eyes. She stood and stretched, looking around her. It wasn't home, but she felt safe here. That was a good start.

Rory walked into the kitchen area and tossed her candy bar wrapper in the trash. A sharp knock sounded at the door to the apartment, causing Rory's head to shoot up quickly. She stared at the door, afraid her mother had tracked her down. The knocking came again.

"Get that?" Jess asked, annoyed, not looking up from the screen as he continued to type.

"Ok." Rory said hoarsely, making her way over to the door. Before she got there, she heard the click of the lock and the door swung open. Standing there was a short, slim girl with waist-length black hair. She was very pretty, and her dark hair, tan skin, and jade green eyes gave her a very exotic look. She was dressed very professionally in a burgundy business suit that flattered her slim figure. She was smiling as she entered the apartment, but that smile faded as soon as she laid eyes on Rory.

"Hi." The woman said coolly, crossing her arms across her chest.

Jess raised a hand abruptly. "Five seconds!" He cried, still typing with great speed. Rory and the woman continued to look at each other. Rory felt uneasy, while the woman, who she could only assume was Jess's girlfriend, exuded suspicion and anger.

Jess stood and turned to face the two. "OK, I'm done." He said, walking over to them. He brushed past Rory to the woman, placing a hand on her hip and a light kiss on her lips. "Hi." He said.

"Hi." The woman snapped, still eying up Rory.

"Right." Jess said. "Time for awkward introductions. Paige, this is my friend Rory. Rory, this is my girlfriend Paige."

"Jess, _why_ is Rory wearing your clothes?" Paige asked, slipping a hand around Jess's waist. Jess's deliberate use of the words friend and girlfriend in his introduction had calmed her a little.

Jess smirked. "That's a little complicated."

Rory smiled uneasily and extended a hand. "It's really nice to meet you."

Paige looked at Rory's hand warily, but finally extended her own. "You too, Rory. Now, please, explain _why_ you're wearing my boyfriend's clothes?"

Rory still felt uncomfortable. "Well, you see," she started, but then her lip began to tremble. "I…" She looked at Jess, silently begging him to help as tears began to spill silently from her eyes.

Jess leaned over and whispered something that Rory couldn't hear into Paige's ear. The young woman's face almost immediately contorted into an expression of sympathy.

"Oh, you poor thing!" She exclaimed, bringing her hands to her mouth. She crossed over to Rory and took her hands in her own. "I am _so_ sorry. I had no idea."

"It's OK." Rory said hoarsely, sniffing back some tears. "I could understand why this might look bad."

"Come on, sit down." Paige commanded, pulling Rory gently towards the sofa. The two women sat down and Paige said, "I'm Paige Ramirez."

Rory swallowed with difficulty. "Rory Gilmore."

Paige nodded. "You're Jess's editor and friend from high school, right?"

Rory nodded. "I'm sorry to cause all this trouble."

Paige waved her off. "Oh, don't be silly. It's a good thing you had someone to come to, you poor thing. I'm just sorry I didn't give you two a chance to explain before I got angry. But, look at it from my point of view. I'm out of town on assignment, I get back and come over to see my boyfriend, have to use my key to open the door because he doesn't answer, and find a girl looking all disheveled in his clothes."

Rory nodded again, looking at her hands. "It does look bad."

"But it isn't, and that's what matters." Paige said, patting Rory's hand delicately. "When did this happen, dear?"

Rory took in a deep breath. "My wedding was supposed to be two days ago." She said, her voice wavering.

Paige shook her head in disgust. "Men. If they know they aren't ready to commit, why do they pretend they are?"

"Paige." Jess said in a warning tone, shaking his head slightly. He walked into the kitchen and proceeded to make a pot of coffee.

Paige looked up at Jess and then back at Rory, noticing that she had paled visibly. "I'm tactless." She said in an attempt to explain, her eyes showing that she felt bad.

"It's OK." Rory said, her mind spinning. Paige had an energy and openness that frazzled Rory, even after only spending a few moments with her. She had the sort of energy that reminded Rory of Paris, her old college roommate who now worked at the Washington Post.

"So, my Jess has been taking care of you, eh?" Paige asked, looking up at Jess with a smile. He returned the smile before turning back to the coffee pot.

Rory nodded. "He's an amazing friend."

"He certainly is." Paige agreed, tucking her long hair behind her ears. "It was so good of him to help you out, and don't you worry, we'll get you safely home too."

"Oh, umm…" Rory started awkwardly, afraid of making this energetic woman mad again.

"That's something we need to talk about, Paige." Jess said, walking over and handing both women a cup of coffee. "Rory's going to be living with me for a while."

"Oh." Paige said, her knuckles whitening as she gripped her mug tightly. "You're going to be living here with Jess?"

Rory nodded. "I'm not ready to be living by myself. He offered, and I accepted." She looked at Paige tentatively, not knowing how she was going to react.

Paige took in a deep breath and looked straight at Rory. "So you and Jess are going to be here, living together. Just the two of you." She said, her voice much steadier than her disposition.

Rory sighed. "Please don't think you have anything to worry about. You don't."

Paige put up a hand to squelch any further efforts to explain. "That wasn't my question or what I was implying. What I said was," She turned to glare harshly at Jess, "you two are living together. I don't care about circumstance right now."

"Paige…" Jess started, looking at her meaningfully. "Can we do this without her here, please?"

Paige's eyes turned heated again. "Fine." She said, seething. She shot up and stood in front of Jess. He was taller than her by a little more than a half a foot, but her stance was much more intimidating and Jess recoiled, if only slightly. "Bedroom." He said, nodding towards the room.

Paige stalked into the room with her hands on her hips. Jess turned and smiled awkwardly at Rory. "She gets mad easily." He whispered.

"And her hearing is amazing!" Paige snapped from the bedroom. "Hurry up, Jess!"

Jess turned to Rory again and said, "Don't worry."

Jess walked into the bedroom and shut the door behind him. Paige was sitting on the bed, her legs crossed and her hands folded in her lap.

"Rory's moving in with you?" Paige asked, deadly calm.

Jess sighed, anticipating how bad this was going to be. He knew very well that Paige's calms were worse than her storms. "Her fiancée left her an hour and a half before her wedding. Isn't that awful?"

"Jess." Paige snapped. "Just answer the question. Don't be evasive right now because I'm not in the mood."

"You have to put it in perspective, Paige." Jess said, sitting next to his girlfriend on the bed.

"Jess." Paige repeated.

"Yes. Rory's going to be living here with me for a while." Jess said, reaching to take Paige's hand.

Paige pulled her hand away from him and said, "So when I suggested that _we_, as in _you_ and _me_, move into together and you said that you weren't ready to live with anyone else, especially a woman, what the Hell was that? Was it bullshit? Was it your way of saying that you just don't want to live with me?" Paige's voice got louder with each syllable, almost shrieking her final question.

"No! Absolutely not!" Jess said, frustrated. He lowered his voice so that Rory definitely wouldn't be able to hear him.

"I'm _not_ ready to have someone else living here, and if I could have picked the person it was going to be, there are a hundred people on the list before Rory Gilmore. Sid Vicious is on that list before her, along with The Backstreet Boys, the crazy guy who tries to sell me yoga information on the subway, and that annoying guy you work with who bites his nails."

"Timothy is very nice." Paige said quietly.

Jess rolled his eyes. He pushed himself off the bed and knelt down in front of Paige. He tried to take her hands again, and this time she let him.

"The point is that I didn't plan on asking her to live here. I don't particularly want her here, but I'm all she has right now. Her fiancée _left_ her on her wedding day, and it's tearing her apart inside. She's hurt and she's terrified and she needs a friend who won't judge her." Jess said, silently pleading with his eyes for Paige to understand.

Paige sighed. "And you're that friend?"

Jess nodded. "She needs me, Paige."

"And Crazy Yoga Guy is _really_ on the list before her?" Paige asked. The question was silly, but her meaning was serious.

"At least ten spots before her." Jess replied stoically. "Please say you're OK with this."

"She does look a little heartsick. I can't help but feel bad for her." Paige sighed. "I'm OK with this."

Jess smiled and stood. He sat on the bed again and gave his girlfriend a long, tender kiss. "You're one Hell of a woman, Paige. No wonder I love you."

Paige smiled and kissed him again. It wasn't often that they said 'I love you' out loud to each other, so when they did it was always a nice change. "Yeah, yeah. I love you too. This is only temporary, right?"

"What? Me loving you? Nah." Jess said, slinging his arm around her and kissing her again. "It's a permanent deal."

"Rory living with you, dumbass." Paige said, tickling his ribs.

"Yeah. It's only temporary." Jess said with a smirk.

"And how many spots is she behind Crazy Yoga Guy?"

Jess sighed in exasperation and pushed Paige back on the bed, positioning himself on top of her and kissing her again. As she wrapped her arms around his neck, Jess couldn't help but feel a little guilty. He hadn't lied to her, exactly. He hadn't planned to ask Rory to move in. But he had exaggerated how little he wanted her here. He didn't mind her company at all, and he didn't mind her living with him. He couldn't tell that to Paige though. He knew how much it would upset her. If she thought that he wanted Rory here instead of her, it'd be the end of their relationship, and he didn't want that. He loved her.

* * *

_"So, tell me about this girlfriend." Rory said, running her hand over the spines of the books on the shelves in front of her. The two friends were wandering around a bookstore aimlessly._

_Jess just shrugged. _

_"Wow, I can tell she's a special one." Rory said sarcastically, rolling her eyes at Jess's lack of response._

_"Her name is Paige." Jess said, opening a book and looking at it. _

_"How about you tell me something I didn't already know?" Rory asked, putting a book back and pulling out another. _

_"I met her at a concert downtown. She writes for Alternative Press Magazine." Jess offered._

_Rory nodded her approval. "How long have you guys been together?"_

_"A little over two years." Jess responded, handing Rory a book. "You'll like this one."_

_Rory took the offered book and looked at it. "I do like Tom Wolfe." She said. "So, what's she like?" _

_Jess sighed in annoyance. "Why do you care so much?" _

_Rory smirked at him. "I realize that you don't have many friends, but this is what friends do. They talk. They're interested in each other's lives."_

_Jess shook his head, but his annoyance had turned to amusement. "Paige is…Paige. She's really funny and opinionated and honest to the point of tactlessness. She travels a lot, and it makes her miserable. She loves her job and she loves interviewing bands, but she prefers the days when she gets to sit home and write up articles in her pajamas."_

_Rory smiled at the description Jess gave, and the way he gave it. He sounded like he had a lot of respect and affection for her. "She sounds nice." _

_Jess shrugged. "I like her." After a moment, he added quietly, "She makes me happy."_

_Rory giggled at that. "How cute!" She exclaimed._

_"Shut up." Jess murmured, but he was smiling. "So, what about Richie Rich?"_

_Rory didn't answer him. Instead, she turned down another aisle._

_"Nothing to say, Gilmore?" Jess taunted teasingly._

_"Not until you use his real name, Mariano." Rory retorted with a smile._

_"Fine." Jess said. "Logan."_

_"What about him?" Rory asked innocently, deliberately trying to make Jess mad._

_Jess sighed in exasperation. "Forget it!" He said, waving it off._

_Rory laughed. "Sorry. You just make it so easy. Logan is great. He and I have been together since my sophomore year at Yale." _

_Jess whistled through his teeth. "Wow. Impressive. When's the wedding?" _

_"A few months." Rory responded. "Jess, I'd invite you but invitations went out already and everyone's R.S.V.P'ed already and we've sent the numbers in to the hotel and-." _

_"Rory, you don't have to explain." Jess said. "I'm not upset or anything. Besides, it's not like I'd fit in there with all those people who have more money than I'll ever have."_

_"Hey," Rory protested. "You're my friend, and that automatically means you'd fit in."_

_Jess smirked. "That's even less true now than it was in Stars Hollow." _

_Rory couldn't deny it, because she knew he was right. They lived different lives, ran with different sorts of people. It had been true when they were younger, and it remained true. Socially, they were two completely different people. It was amazing that they were even friends. It always had been._

_Rory picked up a book by William Faulkner and looked at it with interest._

_"Don't buy that." Jess commanded. "I have it. I'll lend it to you."_

_Rory nodded. "Bring it to the office on Monday?" She requested._

_Jess thought about that for a minute. "We can get it now. I only live couple blocks away."_

_Rory tilted her head to the side. "You moved? I thought you were living in The Village." _

_"I was." Jess agreed. "But that place was a complete rat hole. I used the advance Rand Florin gave me to buy a new apartment."_

_"Jess! That's great!" Rory said with a smile. He really was changing. He really wanted to be better. It was amazing to see, and Rory felt no bitterness towards the fact that he was finally different, only happiness that her friend was pulling his life together._

_Jess shrugged, trying not to let too much excitement show. "I guess." He said. "C'mon, I'll show you."_

_They walked the two blocks to his apartment, and Rory couldn't help but smile at the building. It was simple and quaint and completely middle class. It was anti-Jess, or at least it would've been ten years ago. Now though, Rory looked and saw the smile that had crept onto his face as he looked up at the building where he lived. He looked proud. _

_"You came on a good day." Jess announced as they walked into the building. "They just repaired the elevator, and I live on the 9th floor."_

_Rory smiled. "Good. If there were stairs involved in this, I'd never see your apartment."_

_The elevator ride was quiet, as was the trek down the long hallway. Jess stopped in front of 9C, and nodded to the door. "This is mine." He put the key in the lock and opened the door. He pushed open the door and stepped inside. Rory followed tentatively. Jess tossed his keys on the counter and turned around. "Welcome to the jungle." He said, smirking._

_Rory looked around, a small smile escaping her lips. It was sparsely furnished, but very nice. It was clean and well taken care of. _

_"It's great, Jess."_

_Jess shrugged. "It's no mansion, but it works for me."_

_"Do I get a formal tour?" Rory asked, her eyes still scanning Jess's living space. _

_Jess shrugged. "Sure." He nodded toward the living room. "That's the living room-slash-place-where-I-write. He gestured to the small kitchen, which had no door and no walls separating it from the living room. "Kitchen. It's small, but it works." He walked down the small hallway, and Rory stopped. There were two photographs hanging on the wall, right next to each other._

_The first was of Jess, Luke, and Liz at Luke and Lorelai's wedding. Liz was wearing a flowing, light green dress and she had flowers in her hair. Luke and Jess were both wearing suits, but Jess's tie was off, his shirt wasn't tucked in, and his hair was gelled into unkempt chaos just like always. Luke had an arm on the younger man's shoulder and Liz had her arm affectionately around her son's waist. Liz was smiling, and Luke was wearing the dumb grin he'd been wearing that whole day. Jess wasn't smiling, but even his smirk couldn't hide his contentment._

_Rory turned her attention to the other picture. This too was a wedding, but the environment couldn't have been any different. The four people in the photo stood barefoot in the sand, the blue Pacific Ocean and the setting sun providing the background. Jess wore khakis that were rolled up to the ankles, and he wore a white, long-sleeved, button down shirt that was unbuttoned at the cuffs and collar. The groom was dressed similarly, except that his khaki pants weren't rolled, and he had a few more buttons on his white shirt unbuttoned. The older man bore enough resemblance to Jess that Rory was able to make the connection. This was his father. Rory's eyes fell on the bride- a very pretty woman with short blonde hair and a large pink flower tucked behind her ear. She was wearing a long, flowing white peasant skirt and a white tank top that stopped right above her belly button. Next to her stood a tall blonde girl who looked about 15. She had wire-rimmed glasses pushed up on her nose and her long hair fell free down her back. She wore khaki capri pants and a gauzy white shirt. Again, Jess was wearing his trademark smirk, but in this picture the other three people were smirking identically._

_Jess saw where Rory's gaze had landed and said, "That's Jimmy and Sasha's wedding. They decided since I wouldn't smile that they'd all smirk instead."_

_Rory chuckled at the image. "You've kept in touch with your dad then?"_

"_Yup.' Jess said. "Lily, my stepsister, comes and visits now and then. And every few years, I go out and spend some time with them."_

_Rory just nodded. She felt guilty that she'd always assumed he'd dropped out of contact with his real father just like he did with everyone else. This new Jess was still confusing and foreign to her._

"_The book's in here." Jess said, leading Rory into his bedroom. Like the rest of the apartment, it was minimal. His book collection, tossed haphazardly onto a wall of shelves, was sizable though. _

"_Oh, hello friends." Rory cooed, walking up to the books._

_Jess laughed at her and handed her the book they'd been talking about, As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner. "Just return it whenever." Jess said. "And feel free to make some notes in the margins."_

_Rory thumbed through the book and saw that the pages were already filled with his scrawled handwriting. "If I can find room." She joked._

_Jess looked at his watch and said, "I don't want to cut this short, but…"_

"_Plans with Paige?" Rory asked, feeling slightly disappointed that their night was ending._

_Jess nodded. 'I'm meeting her in a half hour."_

"_OK." Rory said. "I'll see you at the office on Monday."_

"_Yeah, I'll be there. I'll walk you out."

* * *

_

Rory sat on Jess's couch, feeling uncomfortable. Paige's hostility and shrieking at Jess had made her uncomfortable, but the moans she was trying to stifle now were even more awkward to hear. Not just awkward…sad. They made Rory feel very, very sad and lonely.

Rory looked over at her laptop bag, which was leaning against Jess's desk. She pushed herself off the couch and unzipped the bag quickly. She removed her cell phone from the side pocket, and saw that she had 14 new voicemails that she had no intention of listening to right now. She curled back up on the couch with her phone.

Rory pressed the number 3 on her keypad and then pressed the call button. Rory's voicemail was number 1 on her speed dial, the number two position went to her mother and Luke, and number 3 belonged to…

"_You've reached Logan Huntzberger, and I'm in Fiji until October 21st with my beautiful new bride Rory Gilmore. If this call is of a business nature or if it's an emergency, please dial my answering service, which I'll be checking in with regularly. If it's personal, please leave a message and I'll get back to you after the 21st."_

Rory felt tears welling up in her eyes as she listened to the message. She'd been in the room when he recorded it.

The phone beeped unsympathetically in Rory's ear, and she began to speak in a teary, garbled voice.

"Logan, it's me. I…I guess you should change that message. I…I'm sorry you didn't want to…marry me." The last two words came out as a twisted sob.

"Please come back, Logan." Rory wailed into the phone, crying openly now. "Please come back."

Rory hung up the phone, and let it fall down on the couch. She put her face in her hands, and once again began to sob.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing outside of my own creativity and dirty thoughts of Jess

**A/N:** Sorry updates are so sparse. I'm extremely busy at school, plus it's hard to find inspiration with sucky!rory on my TV screen every Tuesday. November 1st. That's what keeps me going. November 1st. Anyway, reviews are life. Don't take my life away, cuz that's murder and is illegal pretty much everywhere.

**Seis**

When Rory woke in the morning, it was to the hollow sound of Jess's fingertips hitting the keys on his laptop and to the scent of cigarette smoke wafting into her nostrils. She slowly opened her eyes, feeling very groggy. The couch springs groaned under her weight as she sat up.

"Morning." Jess said without turning around.

"Morning." Rory repeated. "What time is it?"

"Uhh…" Jess looked at the clock in the bottom right-hand corner of his computer screen. "A little after seven."

"In the morning?" Rory asked incredulously, falling back on the couch.

"Yup." Jess responded, still typing.

"Why are you up this early?" Rory demanded, stifling a yawn.

Jess shrugged. "Paige got up at six so she could go home and change before work. I couldn't fall back asleep."

"Maybe you should've tried harder." Rory said, covering her face with a pillow.

Jess laughed at that. "Don't be such a baby."

He meant it as a joke, but Rory frowned. His words reminded her of her behavior last night, specifically her call to Logan. God, he was going to _listen_ to that message. He was going to hear her sobbing and her childish plea for him to go home. It filled her with shame to remember that she had completely broke down like that. Tears welled up, and it amazed Rory that she had any left in her at all. She let them fall silently down her cheeks as she replayed her words in her mind. "_Please come back, Logan_." She'd pleaded to his voicemail. "_Please come back_." She was pathetic.

Jess noticed the sudden quiet and stopped his typing. He turned in his chair and saw Rory, staring straight ahead at the wall, tears on her cheeks and a blank look on her face. He saved his document and closed his laptop. He extinguished his cigarette in the ashtray he kept on the desk. He stood and stretched his cramped muscles. He walked over to the couch, where he lifted Rory's feet and sat, letting her legs drop in his lap. "Talk." He said quietly.

The blank look lifted from Rory's face, and was replaced by a sad one. "I called Logan last night." She whispered. She could feel Jess stiffen beneath her.

"Rory…" He started.

"I know." Rory cut him off. "I shouldn't have done that. He didn't answer though. I got his voicemail. I…I don't know what I would've done if he answered."

"It hurt like Hell though, huh?" Jess asked, tickling the bottom of her foot lightly with his index finger.

Rory pulled her foot away from his touch and nodded. "Yeah. I just don't understand what happened."

Jess shrugged. "Richie Rich wasn't ready, I guess. Isn't that what it said in the note?"

"I tried, but I can't do it. I'm sorry. Logan." Rory recited verbatim.

Jess frowned. That was so ambiguous. What exactly had Richie Rich tried to do? Pretend he was ready for marriage? Or pretend he loved Rory?" Either way, he'd been lying to Rory. Jess clenched his jaw as he continued to think about it. He'd pretend to be unpartisan for Rory's sake, but that didn't mean that he wasn't going to punch this guy in the face if he ever met him.

"OK. What you need right now is some catharsis." Jess said matter-of-factly.

Rory looked at him with tired eyes. "You're going to let me devil egg your car?" She asked seriously. "Or maybe push you in a lake?"

Jess smirked. "Oh, very funny. No. I don't have a car anymore, and there's not really any lakes anywhere near here. I have an idea that doesn't involve getting me wet _or_ the destruction of my personal property."

Rory sighed. "OK. Let's try it."

Jess pushed her feet off him and stood up. "Get dressed, but in clothes you don't mind getting dirty."

Rory raised a skeptical eyebrow at him, causing Jess to roll his eyes. "Do you trust me?" He demanded, extending his hand to her.

Rory didn't have to think about the answer. She nodded and took his hand, allowing him to help her off the couch.

"Then get dressed." Jess said with a grin.

* * *

"I don't understand." Rory said, dumbly looking around her.

Jess walked in ahead of her and turned the lights on. They were standing in what appeared to be an art studio. There were canvases all along the walls, some blank and some full. There was paint and supplies scattered haphazardly throughout the room. The entire studio smelled faintly of turpentine.

"It's a studio." Jess said with a shrug.

"I can see that." Rory responded. "Do you paint?"

Jess snickered. "No. This place belongs to my friend Joseph. He's a pretty decent painter. He's in Prague right now, painting the European cities or something like that. He knows that sometimes I need to get in here, and in return I just have to clean up any huge messes I make and keep an eye on the place."

"And we're here because…" Rory trailed off, waiting for Jess to finish her sentence for her.

"Catharsis." Jess said vaguely. He grabbed her hand and tugged her forward. "I'll show you."

Rory looked down at their interlocked hands, not sure how she felt about the contact. She didn't pull away though. Instead, she allowed Jess to drag her to the other side of the studio. There was a large canvas covering the wall, the pure whiteness of it almost blinding. There was a small table, and on it there was a variety of paints and brushes.

"Are we going to paint pictures?" Rory asked, skeptically. She was more than a little disappointed in Jess's idea of catharsis.

Jess smirked. "Something like that."

As Rory watched, Jess opened a tube of bright yellow paint and squeezed the contents into his hand. He looked at the glob of paint, then up at Rory with a smile. He brought his arm back and threw the paint at the canvas forcefully. Some of it landed on the floor before reaching the wall, but the bulk of the paint landed on the white surface with loud splat.

Jess looked at his yellow palm, and then up at Rory, who was watching him with her mouth wide open. Silently, he extended to her a full tube of blue paint that matched her eyes. Rory studied the offering disbelievingly. Jess sighed and opened the tube himself. He took Rory's wrist in his clean hand and gently turned it so the palm was facing upwards. He emptied it into her hand and said, "Go."

Rory looked at the paint in her hand and back up at Jess. "Are you serious?" She asked, cringing at the disgusting feeling the paint created in her hands.

Jess nodded solemnly.

"No, really." Rory said, still just looking skeptically at her hand.

"Rory." Jess said. "Just do something with the paint. You'll feel better. I promise."

Rory squeezed her hand into a small fist, allowing the paint to ooze through her fingers. She then began to rub her hands together, amazed at how good it felt to see her hands go from flesh tone to blue; at how good the slippery texture felt against her skin.

She slowly approached the canvas, looking at it skeptically. Then, in one quick motion, she slapped her hands against the white canvas and dragged them down it. She stared at it, then brought her blue fingertip up and traced the top of the mark. All of a sudden, she was filled with a complete sense of relief. Rory let out a long sigh, and on it flowed all the pain in her system. It seemed to splash onto the long blue streak she'd created.

She turned to Jess, her eyes bright. "More." She pleaded.

Jess smirked. "I was hoping that's what you'd say." He motioned to the table full of paints. "Pick a color."

Rory picked a deep green next and opened the tube. Instead of pouring it into her palm this time though, she laid the tube in her hand and slammed her other hand onto it, making it squirt onto the canvas with a loud farting noise that made Rory giggle childishly and Jess chuckle lightly.

Rory continued to take paints and violently apply them to the canvas, a weight lifting from her shoulders each time. Jess continued to stand and watch, amused at the work of abstract art that Rory was creating with nothing but her hands and her emotions.

After about fifteen minutes, Rory finally stopped her frantic attack on the canvas and turned to Jess, panting with exhaustion. Jess just smirked at her. "Now that's what I call cathartic." He said sincerely.

Rory shook her head. "Almost." She said. She selected the pink paint and covered both her hands in it. She took a step towards the canvas, but at the last moment, she whipped back around to Jess. She placed on hand on his chest and the other on the side of his face, covering both his face and shirt in fluorescent pink paint.

Jess was shocked at first. He just stared at Rory in amazement for a moment. She was smiling brightly at him, and her eyes shone with something resembling happiness. Seeing her with that light back in her features pulled at Jess deeply, and gave him a sense of amazing happiness to know he'd helped bring it back. It made him feel amazing to know that he was actually helping for once, not destroying that light.

Rory found herself staring into Jess's eyes for just a little longer than she should have, entranced by the life and happiness she saw there, and the life and happiness that she was feeling for the first time since she had become a jilted bride.

"_God, was it really only 3 days ago?" _Rory asked herself, pulling her eyes away from Jess's. _"It feels like an eternity."_

She was slipping back into her shell. Jess noticed it the moment she looked down. He refused to let that happen. Behind his back, he managed to open a tube of paint and pour it into his hands. He dragged his hand through Rory's hair and down the side of her face, making a white streak in her hair and on her skin.

Rory pursed her lips in a face indicating that a battle had just been waged. She grabbed another tube of paint and squeezed it into Jess's hair. Bright purple trickled down from his hair onto his ears.

Rory looked at him innocently and said, "I thought the gel was getting lonely."

Jess growled low in his throat, and pounced on Rory, attacking her with paint. An all-out paint war had been waged. As Jess overpowered Rory, smearing orange and red paint on her arms, Rory was overcome with an amazing thought: everything was going to be all right.

It'd been a little more than two weeks since the Great Paint War, and Rory had been right. While she was still hurting immensely and feeling depressed, she also felt that things were getting better for her. She and Jess fell into an easy pattern. It was as if they'd always been living together. They were good roommates, and it got better each day that Rory started feeling better. Each day, Jess became less of her protector and more of just her friend.

* * *

"So what do you think? You can call off." Jess said, not looking up from his laptop.

Rory brushed off the lapel of her suit jacket with a shake of her head. "No. I can't. I've gotta get back to work. I've read almost every book in this place. One more day with nothing to do and I'll start reading the Hemingway." Rory took a deep breath of air, suddenly feeling nauseous.

"Jeez, lay off of Ernest. He adores you. You could at least show him some respect." Jess said seriously.

Rory snickered uneasily, feeling relieved as the nausea passed. "Sorry, but it's just _so_ boring around here on days you're at work. And Hemingway is the most boring man in the universe." Jess still worked a few days a week as a messenger to pay the bills.

"I know you're bored." Jess said, ignoring her Hemingway comment. "But are you sure you're ready to go back to work? I mean, are you going to be OK? I can seriously see you getting all worked up and, like, crying at your desk."

Rory nodded and slipped her black shoes on her feet. "I'm going to be fine. I have to do this."

"I know." Jess replied. He stopped his typing for just long enough to glance at his computer's clock. "You'll miss your train."

Rory glanced at the clock on the wall and nodded. "OK. I'll see you tonight."

"Good luck!" Jess called out.

Rory yelled a thank you in response as she closed the door behind her. As soon as Jess heard the lock click, he finally took his attention away from his typing. He let his arms fall to his sides and he slumped back in his chair. He rubbed a hand roughly over his face as he sighed.

Rory was doing so much better than she had been. Every day, she was getting a little bit better. She was nowhere near the Rory that Jess had known when they were younger, but Jess had a feeling that had happened long before Logan dumped her. She was doing better though. There were days when Jess completely forgot why Rory was living with him to begin with.

Paige had noticed this, and was expecting Rory to move out sometime very soon. Jess tried to dissuade her, saying it was still too soon. This argument had worked for a little while, until Paige had come over and saw how well Rory was doing.

_"She's…happy." Paige commented as Jess closed the apartment door. He took her hand and they walked down the hallway to the elevator together. _

_"I don't think I'd say happy." Jess responded. "But she's getting there."_

_Paige tightened her grip on Jess's hand and said, "We were in there talking with her for an hour, and she didn't start to cry once. She even laughed a few times."_

_Jess nodded. "She's doing better, I guess." It wasn't his place to mention that there were still a few nights when Rory crept into his room, tears streaming down her face. Besides, he didn't think that it'd please Paige to know that when she did, Jess would take Rory in his arms and let her cry herself to sleep._

_"That's good." Paige said, pressing the button on the elevator. "What's she still doing here?"_

_"What?" Jess asked, shocked at the question. _

_"She's doing better." Paige said, repeating Jess's words. "Why's she still living with you?"_

_Jess furrowed his brow in thought. He'd almost forgotten that this was supposed to be a temporary situation. Rory was doing better and that meant that she was supposed to move out soon. _

_"Paige…" Jess started, unsure of what to say._

_The doors opened, and the couple stepped into the waiting elevator. Paige pressed the button for the lobby and said, "Because this is only temporary, right? She was just staying with you until she started doing better. You don't want her there, right?"_

_And there was the guilt. Jess tried his best not to become annoyed or frustrated with Paige's tactics. He knew she was being very patient in allowing Rory to live with him, and he felt bad enough as it was about deceiving her by letting her think that he didn't want Rory there._

_Jess nodded. "I'm going to give it a couple of days, just to make sure she's really OK. Then I'm going to send her home."_

_The elevator doors opened and the two walked out into the lobby. Paige smiled victoriously as she pressed close to Jess as they walked. "Good."_

_Jess wrapped an arm around Paige's shoulders, trying hard not to let on that he was thinking about Rory and how much it was going to hurt both of them to ask her to move out.

* * *

_

Rory felt eyes on her as she walked over to her desk. Did they know? Was it that obvious on her face? Had it made the Society section of the newspaper?

"Rory!" Jillian, her coworker and friend, walked over to her and gave her a huge hug.

_Jillian_, _of course_. Rory realized why she felt like everyone knew. She'd invited several of her coworkers whom she was close with to the wedding. They knew there hadn't been a wedding.

"Hi Jillian." Rory said, tentatively hugging the girl.

"Oh sweetie, how are you?" Jillian asked, releasing Rory from her grip. "Are you OK? I'm _so_ sorry about what happened. You poor thing."

Rory cringed. _You poor thing_. That was a terrible phrase to here. She smiled weakly at Jillian, the nausea from earlier returning. "I'm fine, Jillian. Thank you for your concern though. Really, I'm going to be OK."

Jillian nodded sympathetically. "I'm glad. I was _so_ upset when your mother came in and said there wasn't going to be a wedding. Of course, it was nothing compared to how heartbroken your grandparents looked. They took it hard."

The nausea was growing deep within her, and Rory could feel the need to vomit becoming stronger. She smiled weakly at Jillian and said, "I know. I've got to go now though, Jillian. I've got two weeks of work to catch up on."

Jillian nodded, her eyes still shining with sympathy. "OK. If you need anything, you just let me know." Jillian sent one more smile Rory's way, and returned to her desk.

Rory tried to remain calm and casual as she walked into the ladies room. She locked the door behind her, and proceeded to throw up as quietly as possible.

Rory flushed the toilet and stood on shaky legs, dusting off her pants. She turned the faucet on and washed her hands vigorously. She then scrubbed at her face and rinsed her mouth out with the cool water. She looked at her pale reflection in the mirror. She hadn't realized she was that nervous about going back to work. The nausea had passed completely. Rory wiped at her mouth with a paper towel and threw it away. She opened the door to bathroom, held her head as high as she could and walked over to his desk.

The pile of work was twice as high as it had been when Rory had left on the day before her wedding. There were manuscripts waiting to be edited, letters and memos that needed to be responded to, and dozens of other things that needed to be dealt with immediately.

Rory sat down and started organizing the chaotic stacks into more sensible subgroups. She separated the work into 'time sensitive,' 'low-priority,' and 'high priority' categories. As she worked, the nausea tried to rise up in her throat again but she did her best to suppress it. She swallowed hardly and continued to work through the sickness.

Mr. O'Brien walked by and nodded. "Gilmore." He said in greeting.

Rory looked up nervously. "Good morning, Mr. O'Brien."

"Nice vacation?" He demanded, sounding uninterested.

Rory felt a wave of relief, though it was secondary to the nausea. He didn't even know that she was taking time off because she was getting married. She nodded silently.

"Well, get back to work. Push your other stuff to the back and get serious with York. He's got a deadline coming up on the 26th." Mr. O'Brien said. "That's Wednesday." Her boss walked away briskly without another word.

Rory looked at her calendar disinterestedly. She knew Jess would be ready by his deadline, because she could constantly nag him until he was finished. Then, she realized something. There was a small red dot two marked on the 20th, which was two days before.

Rory furrowed her brow as she thought. _Stress. When I'm stressed, sometimes it comes late. It has to be stress. _The nausea rose in Rory's stomach, and she stood and walked to the bathroom as discreetly as she could.

* * *

Jess walked into the apartment and looked around in confusion. It was completely dark. Jess turned on the light and looked at his watch. Rory should've been home from work by now. He tossed his keys onto the table and looked around.

"Rory!" He called. "You here?"

Jess felt nervous butterflies in his stomach. He'd been building himself up all day to talk to Rory about moving out. He was as ready as he was going to be to do it, and he wanted to do it as soon as possible. If he waited too long, he knew that he'd lose his nerve.

Jess looked down the hall and noticed a sliver of light peeking out from under the bathroom door. From within the room, he heard a soft sound that he was very familiar with. He heard the sounds of Rory weeping.

Jess knocked lightly on the door, but got no response. He turned the knob and pushed the door lightly. He couldn't see Rory, and she made no noise of protest so he opened the door wider.

Rory looked up at Jess pathetically from where she was sitting in the bathtub. She was still wearing her business suit. Her eyes had reached the level of red puffiness that they had on that first day she had showed up in her wedding dress.

Jess felt concern overpower him and he took a step into the bathroom. "Ror?" He asked quietly. "What's wrong, Rory?"

Rory didn't respond, and Jess's eyes fell to the bathroom sink. There was an open box sitting on it, as well as instructions and Rory's wristwatch.

Jess walked over to the bathtub and squatted down next to Rory. "What happened?"

Rory extended her hand, revealing the plastic strip that she was holding. Jess took it from her and analyzed it, confused. "What is it?"

"It's a pregnancy test." Rory whispered, dropping her head to her knees.

Jess looked at it disgustedly, realizing he was holding something that Rory had peed on. Then he saw it- the little pink plus sign that was the cause of all this distress.

"Does that mean what I think it means?" Jess asked, shocked and somewhat scared.

Rory nodded against her knees. Jess placed the test on the sink and stood. He kicked off his shoes and stepped into the bathtub. He sat down facing Rory, ignoring the tight squeeze. He balled his hands into fists, trying to forget that he had traces of Rory's urine on his hands now.

"So…what now?" Jess asked quietly.

Rory looked up at Jess, tears streaming. "I don't know." She whispered. "I don't know."

"Shh." Jess said, reaching out and tucking a strand of hair behind Rory's ear. "It's going to be OK."

Rory sniffled and put her head back down. She murmured something completely unintelligible, or so she thought.

Jess had heard her words perfectly: "I'm so glad you're my friend."


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing outside my own creativity

**AN:**Sorry it's so long between updates. College is kicking my ass and I'm just so tired. Thanks for all the reviews. You guys rock. And I'm still not telling if they'll end up together or not. You're all just going to have to wait and see. We have many more obstacles to get through before this ends, so we'll just see what happens! I think y'all will like what happens in this chapter though. Reviews are golden!

**Siete**

Jess sat on the roof of his apartment building, smoking a cigarette. He finished it and dropped the butt onto the top of what was becoming an increasingly large pile of extinguished cigarettes.

The door to the roof opened, and Jess slowly looked up. He uneasily shifted his eyes back to the ground and lit another cigarette. "Hey."

Rory stepped towards where Jess was sitting cross-legged on the ground. "Hi." She said. "What are you doing out here?"

Jess shrugged and took a long drag of his cigarette.

Rory looked down at her feet and said, "I didn't plan this."

Jess didn't respond. He just inhaled deeply and silently exhaled a long stream of smoke.

"I wanted to get pregnant for the first time when I was thirty."

Jess shook his head. "You don't have to explain anything to me." He said calmly.

Rory continued as though he hadn't spoken. "I was supposed to be a full editor by that time. I'd be the youngest in Rand Florin's history. I could do it too. I was made an assistant editor after only a year. I was going to be established, maybe even at a bigger company by that time. Logan…well, he was going to have taken over the business by then. It was planned out."

Jess shrugged. "I guess some things you can't plan."

"But I plan everything!" Rory exclaimed, collapsing down onto her butt with a soft plop. "Is this my punishment for being so organized?"

Jess didn't respond for a long while. When he finally he did, all he said was, "Do you really think you're being punished?"

Rory sighed and dropped her head into her hands. "I don't know. I don't know anything." She raised her head and there were tears in her eyes. "No, that's not true. I'm a 26-year-old jilted bride who got herself pregnant by her fiancée who hasn't even tried to contact her since he ran off." She finished fiercely.

Jess was surprised at her anger. It was the first emotion other than sadness that she'd expressed over her failed wedding since she came to him. He took the final drag of his cigarette and put it out.

"How many of those have you had?" Rory asked.

Jess shrugged. "Pack and a half." He estimated, looking down at the crushed, empty box and the half-full one sitting next to it. He picked up the pack of Camels and selected another one from it. He twirled it around in his fingers and looked up at Rory. He put it in his mouth and lit it.

"You've only been out here for an hour." Rory said. She took the cigarette from his mouth and broke it in half. "That's one cigarette every two minutes. It'd be nice if you didn't die of lung cancer before your book was published. Besides," She continued, her voice getting quiet. "It's bad for the baby."

Jess looked down at Rory's hands as she laid them on her flat stomach. "I guess it is." He responded unsurely. He picked up the pack of cigarettes, stared blankly at the cartoon camel on the packaging for a moment, and finally tossed the pack over the side of the roof.

Rory bit her lip thoughtfully. "I didn't ask you to do that."

Jess shrugged. "You didn't have to."

"I don't even know if I'm keeping it."

Jess snorted. "Liar."

"I'm not ready to be a mother." Rory said defensively.

Jess shook his head. "You're also not ready to kill an unborn baby, especially his."

"Well, why should I care that it's Logan's baby?" Rory asked furiously, standing back up. "He doesn't care about me. Why should I care about him or his kid? What should stop me from just going to a fucking abortion clinic and getting rid of the damn thing?"

Jess stared up at Rory. His shocked, wide eyes betrayed his otherwise unchanged demeanor. He'd never seen Rory this angry before, and it was more than a little scary.

Jess stood and took Rory by the shoulders, looking visibly upset. "Listen to me. You're angry right now, and I'm damn glad to see it. It's about time you moved on from grief to anger, and you have every right to be pissed as all Hell. But you _cannot_ take this anger out on your baby. Whatever you decide to do, it can't be out of anger. Because if it is, you'll regret it. You can't kill a baby because you're pissed off."

Rory looked at Jess, amazed at his insightfulness and at his anger over the subject. "Jess…"

Jess dropped his hands and turned away from her. "It's none of my business. Do what you want." He snapped as he walked over to the door. He swung it open and slammed it shut behind him, leaving Rory alone on the roof.

Rory frowned. She'd obviously hit some sort of sore spot with her ranting. Now that her moment of anger had passed, Rory knew that she hadn't meant any of what she said. She didn't know what she was going do, but she knew that she'd never get rid of the baby out of spite.

Rory went back over to the door and down three flights of steps to the ninth floor. She walked into the apartment and saw that Jess was sitting at his computer, typing quickly.

"Jess…" Rory started.

"No." Jess interrupted. "I'm not mad, but we aren't talking about me. Not about this. Leave it alone."

Rory nodded. "OK. But, I didn't mean what I said up there."

Jess didn't stop typing. "You don't need to explain yourself to me."

"Yes I do." Rory said firmly. "Jess, you're the only one in my life that I can trust not to hate me or hurt me right now. And I hurt you. I don't know how I did, but I didn't mean to. I'm sorry for that."

Jess stopped typing and stood. He turned and faced Rory. If she didn't know better, she'd think that he'd been crying a little. But Jess wouldn't cry. What could make Jess cry?

"Whatever you do, I'm not going to hate you, and I'm never going to hurt you." Jess said. "So drop this."

Rory nodded. "OK."

Jess managed a weak smile. "It's late, and it's been a Hell of a day. I'm going to bed."

Rory nodded again. "OK. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." Jess mumbled before walking into his room and closing the door behind him.

Rory started to make up the couch with her blankets and pillow as she got herself ready to go to bed. She still couldn't understand what had upset Jess so much. She tried to think back, and she couldn't remember a time when Jess had allowed his emotions to show so clearly. She couldn't remember a time when he seemed so…hurt.

Rory lay down on the couch and pulled the blankets over her. She nuzzled deeply into her pillow. She was drifting off to sleep, making an attempt to push Logan completely for her mind. Suddenly, her eyes snapped open and she shot straight up on the couch.

She swung her legs over and stood up. She wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and shuffled down the hallway to Jess's room. She opened the door tentatively and saw Jess sitting up in his bed, reading a book. He looked up at the sound of his door opening and looked at Rory questioningly.

Rory took a step into the room and clutched the blanket tighter around herself. "I'm going to have a baby." She whispered, the weight of the statement hitting both her and Jess at the same time.

Jess put his book on the end table and slid over to one side of the bed, making room for Rory. Rory crossed the small space over to the bed and got in. She curled up into a ball, resting her head on Jess's chest.

"I'm going to have a baby." She repeated, sniffling a little as a few tears fell.

Jess wrapped an arm around her shoulders as her tears began to soak through his T-shirt. He'd learned early on in this arrangement to wear a T-shirt to bed. It felt so awkward and strange to have Rory's tears falling on his bare chest.

"Shh." Jess said, gently stroking her hair. "It'll be OK."

They stayed that way until they both fell asleep.

* * *

A slight shaking woke Rory. She grumbled, annoyed, and slapped at the hand that was rocking her.

Jess rolled his eyes. "Rory. Wake up. You've gotta get ready for work."

Rory mumbled incoherently and rolled over on her stomach. Jess yanked the covers off her, causing her to moan in annoyance.

"Oh, don't moan at me." Jess said. "Get out of my bed."

Rory slid one leg out of the bed, but then stopped and continued to lie motionless for long enough to frustrate Jess.

"Lorelai Leigh Gilmore, get your ass out of bed right now!" He said as he grabbed her arm and physically pulled her out of the bed.

Rory stumbled, but regained her balance before she could fall. She glared at Jess through a veil of messy hair and sleep-glazed eyes. "I hate you." She snapped.

Jess shrugged and turned around. "I can live with that. Go shower." He walked out of the room, and Rory immediately looked back at the bed, debating crawling back into it.

"Don't even think about it!" Jess called from the kitchen. "Shower. Now."

Rory grabbed her robe and shuffled into the hallway. She had her hand on the bathroom doorknob when Jess's voice stopped her.

"Paige will be here in a few minutes." He informed her.

"Oh." Rory said stiffly. "Are you going to…?"

"Not if you tell me not to. We can wait to do that." Jess said, not looking up from eggs he was making for himself.

"Not yet." Rory said. "I can't tell anyone quite yet."

Jess nodded. "That's fine."

Jess listened to the bathroom door open and close. He sighed thoughtfully. Paige was going to want a reason, and a damn good one at that, as to why Rory wasn't moving out. Jess wasn't sure if a simple "she's not doing as well as you thought" was going to take care of this. He didn't want an argument, and he knew it was unavoidable at this point. As he looked at the bathroom door, however, he knew that it didn't matter. Right now, it was about taking care of Rory. That was his main concern right now. If Paige didn't understand that…well, he just had to hope that she _would_ understand.

Rory continued to dress and get ready for work. She came into the small kitchen, tugging at her fitted suit jacket. She looked up at Jess with a pout, "I'm going to get fat." She said.

Jess nodded. "Yep."

"You could at least lie to me." Rory said, rolling her eyes.

"Sometimes I dream about Socrates dancing naked around a May Pole." Jess said stoically, without missing a beat.

"What?" Rory asked, turning up her nose in confused disgust.

Jess shrugged. "You told me to lie to you."

Rory's mouth eased into a small smile and she moved past Jess to pour a cup of coffee.

"You should make a doctor's appointment." Jess said suddenly.

Rory took a sip of her coffee. "Why?" She asked.

Jess smirked. "To make sure the test was right, for one thing. To make sure everything's going OK for another. Third, to see when you're due, fourth…"

"OK!" Rory said, rolling her eyes in fake exasperation. "I'll do it today." After a moment, she added, "Will you come with me?"

Jess looked up at her with surprised eyes. "I…um…well…yeah, of course."

If Rory noticed his sputtering response, she didn't comment on it. She just smiled and glanced at her watch. "I've gotta run. I'll see you later. Thanks Jess."

Rory opened the door just as Paige raised her hand to knock. "Hi Paige." Rory said, smiling at her. "Bye Paige."

Paige looked at Rory as she walked down the hall. Then she stepped into the apartment.

Jess went over to greet her. He put his hands on her waist and leaned in to kiss her. Paige returned the kiss briefly, and then pulled away. "She's still here." Paige snapped.

Jess nodded. "Yeah. Eggs?" He asked, retreating casually into the kitchen.

"Two. Scrambled. Why is she still here?" Paige demanded, following Jess.

Jess shrugged and walked over to the refrigerator. He slowly and deliberately pulled two eggs out of the carton and ambled back over to where the bowl was set out. He delicately cracked first one, and then the second into the bowl, and began mixing them carefully.

"Jess." Paige said with a severe warning in her tone.

Jess continued to scramble the eggs before dumping them into the pan. Finally, he looked back up at Paige. He put his hands on the edge of the counter, as if bracing himself. "Rory won't be moving out."

Paige's eyes turned hot, and Jess seriously thought she was going to attack him. She said nothing, but her knuckles began to turn white as she dug her fingernails into her palms.

"She's not ready. She won't be for a long time." Jess continued, keeping his calm tone.

"So why can't she be somebody else's problem?" Paige asked, annoyed. "You've helped that girl _more_ than enough."

"It's not about 'doing my fair share' or something, Paige. It's about helping out a friend who needs me." Jess responded coolly.

"That's bullshit." Paige bit out angrily. "Stop giving me that 'being a friend' bit, Mariano. You aren't that nice. If it wasn't _her_, you wouldn't be doing any of this."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jess demanded. Paige knew only that Rory was a friend from high school. She knew nothing about their history together.

"It means that this girl has some kind of affect on you that I don't have, that no one else has." Paige said, still seething.

Jess shook his head. "You're wrong."

"Am I?" Paige asked in a screech. "Would you have let anyone else move in here with you under the same circumstances?"

Jess didn't have to lie about his answer. "If they needed me as much as Rory does, then yes. I would've."

"Fucking liar." Paige muttered angrily.

"What the Hell do you want from me?" Jess asked, getting angry himself. "She got left at the altar! The people that _should_ be there for her can't be because they knew she was making a mistake or they hated the guy or whatever. Yeah, it's fucking weird that out of all the people in the universe, _I'm_ the one emotionally equipped to take care of her, but there it is. She needs me. I need you to understand that."

"And if I can't?" Paige asked, a frightening calm overpowering her. She relaxed her hands, which had crescent-shaped wounds on them from her nails.

"What?" Jess asked.

"If I can't understand. If I make you choose. Me or her, what would you do?" Paige demanded.

Jess shook his head. "That isn't fair."

"Well, there it is." Paige responded harshly, mirroring Jess's words from a moment ago.

The smell of burning eggs filled Jess's nose, and he moved the ruined eggs off the burner without thinking twice. "She needs me. Please understand."

Paige shook her head, fury giving way to sadness for a moment before fury took over again. She walked over to the door and paused as she placed her hand on the knob. "Call me if you change your mind." She said quietly, adding afterwards, "Please change your mind."

"I love you, Paige." Jess said in a final attempt to make her stay. "You know that."

"I do know, but it isn't enough." Paige said, opening the door and leaving.

Jess stood in his kitchen, dumbfounded by what just happened. He let Paige's words sink in as the smell of burned eggs entered his nostrils.

"It never is." He said quietly.

* * *

Rory walked into the apartment and saw Jess typing on his laptop. "Hey." She said, closing the door behind her.

"Hey." He said tersely. How he could put so much hostility behind that one word, Rory had no idea.

"Everything OK?" Rory asked, walking over to the couch. She sank down onto it and kicked her shoes off.

"Fine." Jess grumbled.

He was lying, and Rory knew that. He was obviously upset about something. She also knew that the best thing she could do at this point in time would be leave him alone. She curled up in a ball on the sofa and opened up her briefcase, pulling a manuscript out of it. She picked up a pen off the table and began to make notes to herself as she read.

The sound of Rory's pen scratching against the paper made Jess cringe, and after the fifth time she began to write, he turned around and snapped, "Is that really necessary?"

"What?" Rory asked, willing herself not to look up at him.

"That scratching noise. When _I_ write, it doesn't make that noise." Jess said impatiently.

Rory slowly raised her eyes to him and stared incredulously. "Are you seriously yelling at me for the noise my pen makes when I write?"

Jess didn't answer. He just continued to stare angrily. Rory put the pen and manuscript on the table and said, "What's wrong?"

"Who are you, my mother?" Jess retorted hotly.

"Jess…" Rory started, confused and hurt by his anger.

"Jess." He mimicked in a high, annoying voice. "Jeez Rory, could you sound anymore whiny?"

Rory frowned, tears in her eyes. This felt all too familiar to her. "I don't know what I did." She whispered hoarsely. She stood on shaky legs and walked out of the apartment, still in her stocking feet.

Jess closed his eyes and sighed. A complete sense of déjà vu filled him as he remembered a situation similar to this. Hesitantly, Jess saved his file and stood up. He walked out into the hallway, but there was no sign of Rory. Jess walked to the end of the hall and took the stairs up to the roof entrance. He pushed open the door and saw Rory, sitting on a hard wooden chair and staring at the city's skyline. Jess walked over to her and sat down on the edge of the roof.

"Don't fall." Rory whispered, arms crossed in front of her chest.

_You didn't do anything_. He wanted so badly to tell her that this wasn't about her, but he'd be lying. This _was_ about her. If she hadn't come to him, if he hadn't felt bad for her, this wouldn't have happened.

"Paige and I broke up." Jess said honestly, his eyes staring straight ahead.

Rory's eyes widened. "I'm so sorry! I didn't know anything was wrong between the two of you."

Jess shrugged. "I did, or at least I should've."

The two sat quietly for a moment before Rory asked the question they were both dreading, "It was because of me, wasn't it?"

Jess considered lying, and then decided against it. He nodded. "Yeah."

Silence consumed them again. "Sorry." She whispered after a moment.

Jess just shrugged. He couldn't say it was okay, because it wasn't.

"You love her, don't you?" Rory asked, studying Jess's face with amazement.

Jess nodded. "Yep." He said with a sigh.

Rory's mouth formed a small 'o' as she contemplated this new information. She nodded and stood up. She offered Jess her hand. "OK, let's go."

"Where?" Jess asked, his eyes finally moving from the sky to Rory.

Rory offered him a small smile and said, "Catharsis."

Jess smirked at her, trying to hide his emotions as much as possible. "Alright." He said, taking her hand. "Let me change into my painting clothes."


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing but my own creativity. As soon as I have a lead on how to own Jess, I promise I'll share. Probably not much, but a little.

**A/N:** I suck. I completely and totally fail and I'm sorry. I wish I had an excuse other than "real life has been hectic," but that's once again the reason. I tried to make this chapter a little longer to make up for it. I don't know how long it'll be until the next chapter. I go back to school next week, so hello crazy schedule! Goodbye any free time! All I can do is apologize profusely. I hate to leave you all hanging. I _will_ finish this story though. Oh yes, I will. I don't know how long it'll take, because there's so much I want to happen.

Are y'all still reading? Please drop a review to this chapter to let me know! I love you all.

Oh, and for the purposes of this story, none of Season 6 has happened, in case y'all didn't figure that out by now.

**Ocho **

"I made a doctor's appointment." Rory said quietly as she walked out of the bathroom. Her hair was dripping down her back, still the victim of several streaks of green paint.

"OK." Jess said, shifting uncomfortably in his chair.

"It's for next week." Rory told him, sitting on the couch and folding her legs underneath her.

"OK." Jess repeated, scratching his head, the orange paint under his fingernails transferring to his messy hair.

They sat in silence for a while before Rory said, "You don't have to come. It's not your problem."

Jess weighed her words carefully, searching for subtext and what she really meant. He knew that she wanted him with her, but he also knew that she was giving him an easy way out of an awkward situation.

Rory understood the meaning of his silence and said, "It's OK, really. Don't worry about it."

"Rory…" Jess started. Then, in a complete change of tactic he said, "Maybe this is something your mom should do with you."

Rory tensed up instantly at the mention of her mother. The two had spoken only once since Rory called her that first time, and that conversation had gone as badly as the first one. Rory refused to tell her mother where she was, and the two had a huge blowout over the phone that ended with Rory saying she didn't need her mother to take care of her anymore.

"You miss her." Jess said. He stood from his chair and sat down on the opposite end of the sofa. "It's OK that you do. Why don't you just call her and tell her you need her?"

Rory smirked. Jess had no idea what had transpired after she quit Yale for that one year. Their reunion had been strained, and their relationship had never fully recovered. They weren't friends first anymore. They were mother and daughter first, and the friendship came in at a distant second. Telling Lorelai that she needed her wasn't nearly as easy as it had once been.

"It's a lot more complicated than that." She said, dropping the smirk as she thought more about the situation. She really did miss her mother, and she really did need her right now.

Jess looked at her skeptically. "I talked to Luke the other day." He revealed. "She's frantic. Knowing you're alive isn't enough for her, Rory. She's driving herself crazy. Luke said she's practically torn the world apart looking for you. Fortunately, it hasn't occurred to her to look here."

Rory looked down guiltily. "I don't want to have to see her face. She's going to be ashamed of me."

"Rory…" Jess started.

Rory shook her head. "Don't. Look, none of this is your problem. I'm sorry I asked you to come with me."

"She loves you." Jess said. "If she knows how badly you need her, she'll drop her entire life and be there for you."

Rory smiled Jess's words, amused that he didn't realize that the description he'd just given fit him as well as her mother. She looked up at Jess, her smile small on her face and her eyes threatening to tear up. "I'm scared."

Jess swallowed roughly and nodded. "I know you are. I'm scared for you. I don't want you to end up more hurt than you already are."

"I don't want to hurt anymore." Rory forced the tears away and put a determined look in her eyes.

Jess was impressed by that look in her eyes. He ran a hand through his hair out of habit more than nervousness and said, "I'll come with you."

"You don't have to." Rory said very quickly, as though she'd been expecting his submission to her request.

"No." Jess said quietly, and it was obvious that his mind was wandering in another direction. "I don't have to. But I want to be there for you, and you need someone. I'm just sorry that it has to be me."

Rory laughed at that and scooted just close enough to rest her hand lightly on top of Jess's. "I think you're my best friend." She said softly.

Jess sucked in a sharp breath between his teeth and smirked. That was not a term that anyone had ever applied to him before. "Sorry."

Rory shook her head. "Don't be sorry. I should be the sorry one. I'm sorry that I can't be a better friend to you. I'm ruining your life."

"No, Rory." Jess said, pulling his hand away from hers and tucking a strand of green hair behind her ear. "Things are fucked up, but hey, haven't they always been with us?"

"Yeah." Rory said, pulling away and returning to her corner of the sofa.

"But we're friends." Jess continued. After a long, heavy moment he murmured, "You're my best friend too."

Rory's eyes widened. She'd never expected such an honest statement out of Jess. He continued to surprise her each day she spent with him. "You don't have to go with me." She repeated, giving him one final chance to get out of it, as she knew he wanted to.

"I still think you should call your mom." Jess said with a shrug. "But you're not going to, and you _aren't_ going alone." His eyes flickered with something resembling pain, but it was gone within a moment and he finished, "I'm going with you."

Rory focused on her hands and smiled. "Thank you."

"No need to thank me." Jess said with a shrug. "I'm just being a friend."

Rory lay down on the sofa, resting her head in Jess's lap. "You never used to be this fantastic."

Jess stiffened beneath the close contact and at the sound of Rory's words. "Sure, I was. Don't you remember all the amazing things I used to do for you?"

Rory snorted back a laugh. "Oh, yeah? Like what?"

"How about all the books I lent you?" Jess demanded, touching Rory's hair lightly, still unsure how he felt about her closeness.

"Please, you stole just as many from me as you gave to me. Next example." Rory said, rolling her eyes.

"I got us Distillers tickets." Jess reminded her.

"Because you didn't want to apologize for being an ass so you bought me off." Rory retorted.

"I brought you food from Luke's when your mom was out of town." Jess said, straining to think of more examples.

"That was nice." Rory conceded.

"I got Dean to break up with you." Jess said with a smirk.

Rory giggled and slapped at his leg. "Please, only once!" She said. "I got him to do it twice all by myself."

"How is Bag Boy?" Jess asked absentmindedly.

Rory shrugged. "He moved away from Connecticut a few years ago with his second wife. I think he lives in Maine now or something. No one really keeps in touch with him though, except his parents and I don't exactly talk to them anymore."

"I really hated him." Jess said thoughtfully.

Rory smiled at that. Who would've thought Jess Mariano would ever reminisce, especially with his old ex-girlfriend? "I know you did. It was mutual."

"Yeah, but he just hated me because he knew I was going to get you. I genuinely despised his existence." Jess responded with a smirk.

Rory laughed. It felt so good to be able to just sit and laugh with Jess. This was what she'd always wanted with him, and it felt so good to have it now. It may have taken seven years, but it was finally comfortable.

"Jess," Rory said after a moment of comfortable silence, "I'm sorry about Paige. I hope you know that."

Jess nodded. "I know you are, but you know that I can't say that it's okay. Right now, it's not."

Rory didn't say anything. She knew that Jess would take her silence for exactly what it was: acceptance that he was right and there was nothing she could do about it.

"It will be though." Jess finished as an afterthought.

"Will be what?" Rory asked, confused. She sat up, crossed her legs under her and looked at Jess.

"Okay." He responded. "Things will be okay."

Rory's smile started small but soon she was grinning almost crazily, prompting Jess to ask, "What's that smile for?"

"You're being an optimist, Jess." Rory said, still smiling widely.

"Am not." Jess responded childishly.

"You totally are." Rory said, poking him in the ribs.

"Nope. Sorry. You've got me confused with someone else." Jess said, standing up and stretching.

"Whatever." Rory said, adding 'optimist' under her breath.

Jess glared at her playfully. "Do you want to take this outside?"

Rory stood up and put her hands on her hips, trying to look tough. "Are you really going to hit a pregnant woman?"

As soon as the words fell from her mouth, Rory wished she could retract them. The light moment was destroyed as they were both reminded of the reality between them. Rory was pregnant, and unless she went to her mother or Logan came back, she had no one to take care of her but Jess.

"It's getting late." Jess said evenly. "I'm going to go to bed."

Rory nodded, lowering her hands to her sides. "Me too. Goodnight, Jess."

"Goodnight, Rory." Jess said, walking swiftly to the bedroom.

* * *

"The home test was correct, Ms. Gilmore. You're pregnant." The OB-GYN, Dr. Taylor, said as she reentered the exam room where Rory was waiting on a bed while Jess sat in a chair, writing thoughts for his book down on a notepad. At the sound of her voice, both Rory and Jess's heads snapped up. 

Jess uncomfortably looked back down at his notepad, while Rory stared straight at her obstetrician. She nodded. "I knew it."

Jess began to draw small circles on his pad, trying as hard as he could not to let his awkwardness show.

The doctor opened her mouth to say 'congratulations,' but from the looks on their faces, it seemed to be inappropriate. Instead, she looked at the readout on her clipboard and said, "You're about 2 months along. We'll run a few more tests and find out your exact due date."

Rory stared straight ahead silently while Jess continued to doodle on his pad, trying to look as nonchalant as possible.

"What do I have to do?" Rory asked quietly.

"Well, as of now your lifestyle doesn't have to change too much." Dr. Taylor said, sitting down on a chair facing Rory's bed. "Obviously, we strongly recommend against smoking, drinking, illegal drugs of any sort. Oh, and limited caffeine intake is also recommended."

Rory frowned at this statement, while Jess smirked and tried hard not to laugh.

"You shouldn't overexert yourself in any way, but you can still do most things you usually would. You can go to work, exercise, travel, have sex."

Rory smiled at that, and looked over at Jess. He was wearing a smirk of his own. Dr. Taylor had seen Jess and Rory walk in together, coupled that with Rory's lovely engagement ring, and assumed that the two were a couple. Neither had bothered to inform her of the complexities of the situation.

"Well, why don't we set up another appointment where we can do an ultrasound?" Dr. Taylor asked.

For the first time, Jess actually looked up at the two women. He was interested in Rory's answer. If she said no, it was because she knew she was going to have an abortion.

Rory nodded her agreement. "Fine. Whatever works for you, I can make work."

Jess tried his best not to show any emotion. He felt torn between happiness that Rory was keeping her baby, concern for her, and something else that he refused to put a name to.

"Well, I have an opening on Wednesday in two weeks. How does that sound?" Dr. Taylor asked.

Rory hesitated. She and Jess were supposed to be in meetings about his book all day on that day.

'Don't worry, Rory. Take the appointment." Jess said, not looking up at her. "We'll reschedule those meetings."

Rory acted as though Jess hadn't spoken. "What else do you have?" She asked Dr. Taylor.

Dr. Taylor smiled at the little dispute. "I can make an appointment for that Friday instead if that works better for the two of you. Say…10 o'clock?"

Rory looked at Jess, who nodded. "That'll be fine."

* * *

"We let her believe you and I are together." Rory said thoughtfully as they stepped out into the street. 

"Yup." Jess said as he raised his hand to hail a taxi.

"Why did we do that?" Rory asked, tucking her hair behind her ear.

Jess shrugged. "Because imagine how it would've gone otherwise. 'No, _he's_ not my fiancée. He's my ex-boyfriend and current roommate who took me in after my fiancée left me at the altar and I was too destroyed to go anywhere else.'"

"Good point." Rory said, smiling slightly.

"We could've moved those meetings." Jess said as a cab pulled up to them. He opened the door and allowed Rory to sit down and slide over. He entered the cab himself, shut the door, and gave the driver the address of the apartment.

"It's not a big deal." Rory said. "The appointment is only two days later." Besides, Rory knew that it was the least she could do for Jess after all this. "Besides, I didn't want to reschedule those meetings. This is probably the first step to sending your book to press."

Jess smiled at those words. "My book is going to press." He said, slightly awed.

"Well, not quite yet." Rory said, looking down at her stomach. She placed her hands on it and said, "I'm going to have a baby."

Jess smirked at her, and placed his hand over hers. "Well, not yet."

"It's Logan's baby." Rory said with a sigh. "What am I doing?"

"Having a baby." Jess responded immediately, removing his hand. "Didn't we just establish this?"

Rory couldn't contain her smile. There he went again, making her feel like this was completely normal.

"Gonna tell him?" Jess asked.

Rory sighed. "I'm going to have to call him."

"That'd probably be the first step in talking to him." Jess responded with a nod.

Rory frowned in thought. "It's been over a month, and he hasn't tried to call me once."

Jess remained silent, knowing that she wanted right then was to be angry about that fact. After a moment, he said, "He still needs to know."

"Yeah." Rory said, leaning her head back against the seat of the taxi. "I know that."

* * *

"I don't wanna." Rory said, knees pulled up to her chest. She was staring at the phone as if it had the power to hurt her. It did. She knew that it did. 

"I know that you don't." Jess responded. "What choice do you have though, Ror? It's his kid. You're going to have his kid. He needs to know."

Rory scrunched up her face and said, "Don't wanna."

Jess smirked. "Well, _I_ could call him."

Rory considered the option for a moment, weighing each way that situation could go. She smiled at the thought of Jess lashing out on Logan, but eventually shook her head. "That probably wouldn't end well. It might end humorously, but not well."

"Exactly my point." Jess said, pushing the cordless phone towards Rory. "Call the guy."

Rory frowned, but took the phone. "Fine."

With shaky fingers, Rory dialed Logan's work number. It rang several times before his secretary answered.

"Logan Huntzberger's office." She chirped cheerfully.

"Is Mr. Huntzberger in?" Rory asked, trying to maintain a steady voice. "It's very urgent."

"Let me see if he's available." His secretary said, not losing her cheery tone. "May I have your name please?"

"Rory Gilmore." She said.

There was a brief silence on the other end, indicating that his secretary knew very well who she was. "Hold, please."

The next voice that spoke on the phone was Logan's. "Huntzberger." He answered.

Rory smirked tightly. His secretary hadn't told him who was calling. "Hello Logan."

The telephone was electric with the silence on the line. Jess saw the tense look on Rory's face as she waited for Logan to say something. He hesitated for a moment, trying to decide whether Rory needed him to stay or to leave. After a moment of contemplation, he sat down next to her on the couch and picked up a book from his coffee table.

Rory threw him a grateful smile and said into the phone, "If you want me to think you hung up, then stop breathing through your nose."

"Rory." Logan said, sounding uncomfortable. "Hi."

"Hi." Rory repeated. "How are you?" The moment the question was out of her mouth, both she and Jess winced. What a question to ask the man that left you at the altar.

"Good." Logan responded. "Good." It was a long, painful moment before he asked, "How are you?"

Rory sighed. The question sounded so hollow, so forced. At the same time, Rory felt a familiar pang at the sound of his voice, an excitement that only he was able to provide her. She almost…missed him.

"I've been better." Rory said.

Before she could continue, Logan said, "You have the whole world looking for you."

Rory sighed. "My mother is not the whole world."

"Where are you?" Logan asked.

Rory hesitated for a long time, looking at Jess as he sat reading a book. "I'm where I need to be."

"That was vague." Logan said.

"As was it was intended to be." Rory snapped. "Why do you care anyway?"

Jess cringed as Rory's voice became angry.

"You haven't been looking for me." Rory continued. "Don't pretend you have been."

Logan sighed. "I don't know what you expect from me, Ace."

"I expected you to marry me. Stupid me." Rory responded quickly.

Jess looked up at her in amazement. This was the angriest she'd gotten over the situation yet. He'd expected her to get weepy and hang up, not get sarcastic and let her bitterness show.

"Ace…" Logan started.

"I didn't call to fight with you." Rory cut him off. "I called because we really need to talk. Like it or not, we _need_ to talk."

"Rory…" Logan said hesitantly. "What's this about? Because I haven't changed my mind about the…"

"Wedding." Rory prompted. "The word you're searching for is wedding. And this isn't about that."

"Then if it isn't about the…wedding, what's it about?" Logan asked. Rory could hear him shuffling papers as he spoke. He was working as they spoke. The thought made her furious.

"It's not something we can talk about over the phone." Rory said with a frown. "Believe me, I wish it was right now."

Logan hesitated for a long time, and then asked, "Are you OK?"

Rory was taken completely aback. The question was sincere and filled with concern. Did he miss her too? Did he still think about her?

"That's debatable." Rory said, trying to remain detached. "Can we meet to talk? Tomorrow maybe?"

Logan was silent as he debated the question. "Yeah, OK. I guess. Where?"

* * *

"Nice suit." Rory said as she walked up to the table where Logan was sitting. 

Logan stood to greet her. "You look good." He said. He looked ready to hug her, but then he caught himself. He awkwardly extended his hand.

Rory knew she looked good, because she'd spent three hours debating what to wear for this meeting. She'd settled on a straight black skirt from one of her business suits and a blue shirt that perfectly complimented her eyes. She stared at Logan's hand, amazed, before shaking her head in disgust and sitting down.

"I was really surprised when you wanted to meet here." Logan said. "This isn't exactly our part of town."

That was deliberate planning on Rory's part. She didn't want Logan tainting Jess's neighborhood, and any place near Rand Florin or her apartment already held memories from time spent with Logan. This was neutral territory.

"Rory, look…" Logan began. "I'm sorry about the way I did things. It…it was wrong."

Rory shook her head and tried not to let his words affect her. This wasn't about him apologizing. This was about telling him what he needed to know. This wasn't about the scent of his cologne, or how good he looked in his suit, or the way his mouth twitched in the left corner- the only give away that he was nervous at all.

"I didn't come here to listen to you apologize, Logan. There's nothing you can say that'll fix what you did." Rory said, trying to be brave.

"It wasn't because I didn't love you." Logan said, the corner of his lip twitching once again.

Rory closed her eyes tightly. He would go and say something like that. She was so tempted to ask the question she knew she shouldn't.

"I'm not here to talk about that." Rory said quietly. She wanted so bad to ask what had happened to make him run away, but she was way too scared of the answer.

"You deserve to know what happened though, Ace." Logan said. "I've been working up the courage to tell you…it's why I haven't called."

"OK." Rory whispered, knowing that probably wasn't the only reason he hadn't called. "Tell me."

Logan took a breath before he asked, "Did you ever meet my secretary?"

"No." Rory said tensely, her jaw clenching in anticipation of where this was going.

"Her name is Miranda." Logan said. "And she's an amazing girl."

Rory's eyes filled with tears and she curled her hands into tiny fists. "So you slept with your secretary? How trite."

"No." Logan shook his head quickly. "No, that's not what happened. Well, not entirely. I did sleep with her, but not until after I called off the wedding."

"Ran away from the wedding." Rory corrected him, a tear spilling over and her knuckles turning white.

"Ran away from the wedding." Logan conceded. "But here's the thing. When I met her, I was attracted to her. I never loved her more than you. But I panicked. I got scared that marrying you was all there was."

Rory sniffed, feeling hurt and insulted and pained beyond belief. Her broken heart felt like the pieces were stabbing into her chest, trying to bore their way through her skin and out onto the table.

"You thought there was something better out there than marrying me." Rory said, dropping her head and letting her hair cover her face as more tears fell.

"I thought that there was the possibility of something better, and I couldn't marry you if I thought that it was out there."

Rory was silent for a long moment as tears fell from her eyes onto her hands, which had unclenched and were lying lifelessly in her lap.

Logan hesitated as he contemplated reaching out to touch her hair. He wanted to. He wanted to touch her so badly at that moment. In the end, he decided against it.

"Say something." He said quietly.

Rory was silent for a little longer, before she looked up. Her cheeks were wet, but there were no longer tears falling from her eyes.

"I wanted nothing more than to marry you. Everyone thought you were wrong for me. No one wanted to see us work. I didn't listen to anyone. I loved you and wanted to be your wife. I still love you, though I'm not really sure why. But if for even _one_ second, you had a doubt about us getting married, then you're right. There _is _something better out there." Rory said, her words coming out slowly and heavily.

She stood slowly. She looked at Logan seriously and said, "I'm pregnant. It's yours. Unlike you, I haven't slept with anyone else. Have a great day." With as much dignity as she could muster, Rory walked out of the diner.

As soon as she was out the door, Rory's legs began to shake. She needed a cab and she needed it now. She raised her hand to call for one.

"Rory!" Logan called, emerging from the diner and onto the sidewalk.

Rory sighed. "You're killing my dramatic exit, Huntzberger."

"You're pregnant?" Logan asked. His lip was going into overdrive.

Rory nodded.

"We were always careful." Logan said, dumbfounded.

Rory shrugged, and was almost tempted to smile. "You can't plan everything."

Logan looked at her, in complete shock. "What do you need from me?" He questioned.

A cab pulled up to Rory, and she opened the door. She looked at Logan, and she did smile. It was a smile full of pain she'd never be able to vocally describe to him.

"Nothing you can give me." She said, right before slamming the cab door. As the driver pulled away, Rory slumped back and sighed. At least she'd gotten her dramatic exit after all.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

**A/N:** Do I suck? Yes. Do I love you all? The answer is also yes. I'm sorry I don't update a lot. I wish I had time, but I don't. I'm trying though. And I can't stress enough that I _do_ plan to finish this story. I just don't know when. Reviews are love, but if you hate me, that's cool too. Enjoy.

**Nueve**

"All this stress _cannot_ be good for the baby." Rory said with a frown. She sat on the couch, reading a book with her legs folded under her.

Jess smirked as he mixed a little sugar into the coffee he made her. "Probably not, but you're done with him for now. You did what you had to. No one could ask you for more."

"For now, anyway." Rory said, still frowning. "I don't know. I don't feel like anything got resolved with him." She sighed. "I certainly don't feel any better."

"You will." Jess said. "Eventually, you will. And are you really saying that it didn't feel good at all to slam that cab door in his face?"

Jess walked over to Rory and handed her the cup of coffee. Rory put down her book and received the mug with a small smile. "Yeah. That part was good."

Rory took a sip of her coffee, and winced at the taste of it. "What did you give me?" Rory demanded.

"Coffee." Jess said innocently, taking a sip from his own mug.

"No." Rory said suspiciously, sniffing the mug. She narrowed her eyes at Jess and said, "This is decaf."

"Is it?" Jess asked, taking another sip from his own mug. "Huh."

"Why are you trying to poison me?" Rory cried dramatically.

Jess shrugged and put his mug down on the coffee table. "Coffee's coffee." He said.

Rory's eyes widened at that statement. "That's blasphemy! Jess, why did you give me decaf coffee?"

Jess stood and went over to his computer. He lifted the top and pressed the button to turn it on. He didn't respond to Rory's question.

"Jess, I asked you a question." Rory said, taking another sip of coffee and again wincing at the taste.

"Stop wincing." Jess commanded without looking back at her. "It doesn't taste any different than regular coffee."

"Maybe not to you. Why are you decaffeinating me?"

At this, Jess did turn around. "Is 'decaffeinating' a word?"

Rory nodded. "Underused, but still in the dictionary."

"Huh." Jess nodded. "Learn something new every day, I guess." He turned back around and faced his computer screen again.

"Jess!" Rory exclaimed, her frustration mounting.

"Yes, Rory?" Jess asked, beginning to type.

"Stop avoiding the question and tell my why you gave me…oh." Rory trailed off as she realized something. "The doctor said I should limit my caffeine intake."

"Did she? How about that?" Jess said.

"You're trying to make me follow doctor's orders." Rory said, a smile creeping up on her face.

Jess just shrugged his shoulders and kept typing.

"Admit it." Rory said, teasingly.

Jess shrugged again and replied, "You can have all the caffeine you want. You're just not getting it from me."

Rory smiled at the back of Jess's head. She nodded. "Alright, fair enough."

After a few minutes of silence while Jess typed, he said as an afterthought, "It really is bad for the baby, you know."

"My mom drank so much caffeine when she was pregnant with me that Juan Valdez sent her a personal thank you note. I turned out okay." Rory responded, dutifully sipping her decaf coffee.

"You turned out to be a caffeine addict like her. That's a family trait you should let die with you." Jess said.

Rory laughed a little and said, "Yeah, maybe. How's the writing coming?"

Grateful for the subject change, Jess responded, "Good. A couple more little things and I think I'll be happy enough with it to call it the final draft."

"I believe that's my decision." Rory responded. "But good. I really want to get it to press, and I think we can do it really soon."

Jess turned around in his chair so Rory could see his smile. "No matter how many times I hear that, it never gets old. You have no idea how exciting this is for me."

"I know it is. I'm really proud of you." Rory said honestly.

"Thanks, Ror." Jess said, keeping his smile. "I'm proud of me too."

He turned back to his computer and said, "And it only took 26 years."

"Do you know what I've been meaning to ask you?" Rory asked suddenly.

Jess smirked without looking at her and said, "I'm not going to tell you where I buried my hidden treasure."

Rory laughed loudly. "Well, as disappointed as I am, that isn't what I was going to ask. Your penname."

"What about it?" Jess asked. "Lots of writers use pennames."

"You think I don't know that?" Rory asked. "But why?"

Jess typed as he spoke. "My last name is Italian. Don't get me wrong. I don't really identify with being Italian. Or English. Or any of the other million things that I am. Nationality isn't really a big thing to me. But my book is about an Italian boy. When I started trying to get it published, I decided that I didn't want people to think I was writing it _because_ I'm Italian. It seemed too gimmicky to me. I don't want a gimmick. I just want to write."

Rory smiled and shook her head, baffled. That much genuine emotion out of Jess; that passion about something he cared about really struck something within Rory. It made her genuinely happy to be a part of what he was doing.

"But why 'J.F. York'?" Rory questioned. She knew it was still a bad idea to comment on Jess's revelations and insights. It just made him uncomfortable, and angry if was in a bad mood.

Jess shrugged and responded, "Because if you say it really fast it sounds like you're saying 'Gee, a fork!"

Rory laughed at his answer and said it several times over in her head. "Wow. I guess it does. That's hysterical!"

Jess turned around and grinned at her. Jess Mariano grinning was still a new sight for her, but it was definitely a welcome one. "I guess I just figured," He started, "I might as well start having some fun in this life."

Rory just smiled at him, and he went back to typing silently.

* * *

Rory walked into the apartment with two grocery bags in her arms. She put them down on the kitchen counter and called, "Jess! You home?"

Rory looked over at the table where the answering machine was. Next to it was a notepad, and the top page read, "_Got called into work. Back in a few hours. (Around 7) Jess._"

Rory picked up the note and crumpled it into a ball before throwing it into the wastebasket. As she did, she noticed there was one new message on the machine. She pressed 'play' absentmindedly and listened to the message.

_"Jess, it's Paige. Look…I miss you. A lot. So much, actually. I want to talk. I have a couple of appointments, and then I figured I'd stop by. Around four, if that's OK. I'll see you then."_

Rory looked at her watch. It was a little after four. Maybe Jess had heard the message before he left and told her not to come.

Before Rory had even finished the thought, there was the sound of a key turning in the lock.

"Crap." Rory murmured as she turned around to face the door. There was no way that this could end well.

Paige opened the door and looked into the apartment. The nervousness in her jade eyes faded into anger when she caught sight of Rory.

"Hello." Paige said coolly, stepping into the apartment and shutting the door.

"Hi." Rory said uncomfortably, staring at the door behind Paige. There was no way that she could outmaneuver Paige and make it to the door before the petite girl tackled her. Rory had no doubt that Paige could take her if she tried.

"Where's Jess?" Paige asked simply, tossing back her long, black hair.

Rory stared at her for a long moment before responding. "Working."

Paige narrowed her eyes and glared at Rory. "Jess doesn't work on Fridays." She snapped.

"He does when they call him and ask him." Rory responded. That was a little more sarcastic than she'd intended. She didn't want to be mean to Paige, mostly because she was terrified of her.

The stare down continued for a few moments, if it could be called that. Rory's nervousness was obvious in the way that she kept shifting her eyes to different inanimate objects around the apartment.

"You seem to be doing much better." Paige said, eying Rory. She'd just gotten back from work and was in her business suit. This one was her favorite. It was black with white pinstripes. She looked good in it and she knew that she did.

Rory didn't respond to Paige. She just shrugged and continued to look around awkwardly.

Paige nodded and crossed her arms across her chest. "You're sleeping with him, aren't you?"

Rory smiled slightly and shook her head. "No."

"You don't have to lie." Paige continued quickly. "It's not like we're together anymore."

"I know." Rory responded. "You broke up with him."

"Because of you!" Paige snapped.

Rory shrugged. "I didn't do anything. We're friends, that's it."

Paige glared hatefully at Rory. "You're a liar."

"You're insecure." Rory retorted. "I'm not sleeping with Jess. Tell yourself whatever you want. It's the truth."

Paige's eyes almost looked sad for a moment. "I love him." She declared.

"Good luck with that." Rory responded, thinking back to a time when she loved Logan, and how well that had turned out.

"This is all your fault."

That was it. Rory felt herself getting genuinely angry with Paige now. She tried very hard to suppress the urge to flip out at her, but she really was making that very difficult.

"You ruined my relationship with him."

Strike that. She was making it impossible. "With all due respect, Paige, bite me."

That was what Jess heard as he went to put his key in the lock. He'd gotten out of work early. They hadn't needed him after all. He was about to enter the apartment when he heard Rory arguing with someone. He was shocked when the next voice he heard belonged to Paige.

"What'd you just say to me?" Paige demanded.

"I said 'bite me.'" Rory repeated. "_You_ broke up with _Jess_. You don't get to be upset or blame things on other people. That's not how it works. You don't get to make other people feel like they did something wrong, when _you_'_re_ the one who didn't realize what you had."

Jess was torn between being proud of Rory's epiphany and upset that she was yelling at Paige. Even though she was yelling at her on his behalf, Jess still felt bad.

"I know exactly what I had!" Paige exclaimed, and Jess could hear the tears in her voice. It was a very distinct sound that he didn't hear often. Paige rarely did anything resembling crying.

"And that's why it hurt so bad to realize you wanted it too."

Rory sighed. Nothing was getting through to her. "But I don't want it." She said. "I haven't for a very long time, not since we were kids. And trust me, he wasn't nearly as appealing then as he seems now."

Jess frowned. He wasn't sure why, but his whole body seemed to fall when he heard Rory said that, starting at his heart. He didn't know what part of her statement had upset him, but he was afraid it might've been the whole thing.

"I refuse to compete with you." Paige said, regaining her composure.

Rory rolled her eyes. "It isn't a competition. You love him. I don't. End of story."

"Are you ever leaving?" Paige demanded.

Rory shook her head. "Not for a while. I need him. I've never said I didn't. He's my friend, and I need him. That's not going to change. Not right now. But he needs you. You're so dumb if you don't know that."

Jess smiled and leaned his head against the door as he listened. It felt good to know he was still needed, and it also felt good to know that Rory understood him well enough to know he still missed Paige.

Jess turned his key in the lock and opened the door. He stood in the doorway and leaned against the doorjamb, trying to look as casual as possible. "Hey."

Rory took one look at his smirk and knew that he had heard a good deal of the conversation.

"Hey." Rory responded, eyes on Paige. Paige's fists were still balled at her sides, and she was staring at Jess. She was trying to keep her look blank, but failing miserably. Her eyes had softened to moment they fell on him.

After a moment of silence, Rory's lips curved into a small smile. "I think I left my purse at the office." She said, feigning innocence. "I'd better go back and get it before Rand Florin closes for the day. I'll be back whenever Jess calls me and tells me to come back."

Rory walked over to the counter and picked up her purse. Realizing what she did, she said, "This is my backup purse." She quickly winked at Jess brushed past him and out of the apartment.

"Lying isn't her strong suit." Jess said, finally entering the apartment and closing the door.

"No." Paige responded. "But making people realize how dumb they've been sure seems to be."

Jess sat down on his couch and shrugged. "What are you doing here, Paige?"

"You know what I'm doing here." Paige responded, not moving from her spot.

Jess smirked. She'd just handed over all the power to him, and damn if he wasn't going to abuse that. "Actually, you're going to have to enlighten me. Last time I saw you, you left me with a rather nasty ultimatum as I recall."

"You're going to make this hard, aren't you?" Paige demanded.

Jess let his lips curl up into a smirk and he lightly shrugged his shoulders at her. "Why should I make it easy?

"Because you love me?" Paige asked. She was looking for confirmation, plain and simple.

"Well, you said you loved me too, but you still walked out." Jess retorted.

"What, you're the only one allowed to be stupid?" Paige asked, smiling a little.

Jess smirked a bit at that before catching himself. "Paige…" He started. "Nothing's changed. Rory still needs me. She's still living here."

"I'm never going to be fully OK with that." Paige admitted. "But I miss you, Jess." She paused a moment, and then said, "I've grown accustomed to your face."

Jess tilted his head to the side. "What an odd moment for a My Fair Lady reference."

Paige shrugged. "It seemed appropriate."

"I miss you too." Jess said quietly. "But I'm _not_ going to abandon Rory. I can't do that to her."

Paige took a deep breath and said, "I'm not asking you to."

"Yes, you are." Jess said, looking directly at her. "And I won't do it. You and I can't be together. Not now. You're not strong enough for it. You can pretend you are all you want, but the truth is that nothing has changed."

"I don't want to live without you." Paige said. "That hasn't changed either."

Jess sighed. She still loved him, and he missed her too. Maybe they could make this work, even with the complications Rory brought along with her. That was when it occurred to Jess…Paige didn't even _know_ about the latest complication.

"Rory's pregnant." Jess said, staring intently at Paige to gauge her reaction.

Paige's eyes flared for a moment and her jaw tightened. "And it's yours?"

Jess shook his head. He could feel his walls going up and he allowed them to do so. His defenses were back up instantaneously, just like they used to be when he was younger. "No. Remember that guy she almost married? He'd be the obvious guess and the correct one too."

"She's pregnant." Paige said stonily.

"She's pregnant. She's alone. She needs me. The end." Jess stated firmly.

"So, that's it?" Paige demanded. "We're done, and it's because of some girl who don't have any intention of sleeping with?"

Jess shrugged. "Guess so."

"You're going to regret it." Paige said. "You're going to regret letting me walk out." As if to prove it, she chose that moment to stand.

"Maybe." Jess agreed. "Won't be my first, won't be my last."

A single tear rolled down Paige's cheek. "I didn't want us to end like this."

"Well, that's life." Jess bit out.

Paige shook her head sadly, and walked out of the apartment.

Jess sighed and dropped his head into his hands. This wasn't supposed to be his life. Things were not supposed to be this complicated. Life was supposed to get easier as he got older. At least he knew that things couldn't get any worse right now.

Twenty minutes later, he got the call that Rory was in the hospital.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. The end.

**A/N:** I think watching my Jess return to me on new episodes inspires me to write more. Though I must admit, I had to resist the urge to follow in my fellow writers' footsteps and write angsty post-6.18 fics. I wanted to, but I just channeled that energy into this chapter. I hope you enjoy it, because as angsty as it is, It was tremendous fun to write. Reviews are cool.

**P.S.** I waslistening to the song _The Luckiest _by **_Ben Folds _**alot as I wrote this. I don't know if it shows at all, but I was. It's an AMAZING song, and everyone should listen to it. Kthxbye.

**Diez**

In the history of the world, only one person has ever arrived at Beth Israel Medical Center faster than Jess did, and that person must have been an Olympic track star. Jess attempted to take a cab, but found himself far too impatient for that. He got about ten blocks away from the hospital when he couldn't take it anymore. He tossed a disproportionate amount of money at the cab driver (something that equaled about a 60 tip), and he ran the last ten city blocks.

Yes, he was thin, even though he'd filled out a little since he was a teenager. That in no way, however, meant that he was in shape. He couldn't remember the last time he'd ran for any distance. He started to sweat almost as soon as he started to run. His calves started to ache around the third block. The sharp pain in his stomach arrived soon after, in the late half of block four. By the seventh block, he couldn't breathe anymore, and by the time he ran up to the admittance desk, he couldn't even see because of all the sweat that poured into his eyes.

"Rory Gilmore." These were the only two words he could get out of his lungs before he dropped his head onto the desk and began to take deep, shuddering breaths.

"What about her?" The nurse asked, almost seeming amused.

Jess regained enough breath to look up at her with somewhat pathetic and completely disbelieving eyes. He was still incapable of speaking, so he just stared at her until the nurse began punching things into the computer.

"Do you mean Lorelai Gilmore?" The nurse asked.

Jess nodded, swallowing with great difficulty.

"She isn't out of the operating room yet." The nurse said, responding to Jess's affirmative nod.

Jess's eyes went wide. "Operating room?" He sputtered.

The nurse nodded. "When she's out, she'll be taken to the fifth floor, room 504."

"And she's going to be OK?" Jess demanded. It was the first sentence he'd been able to complete since entering the hospital.

The nurse finally broke her cold mask and looked at Jess with some sympathy. "I don't know." She said, keeping her tone even. "You can go to the fifth floor and wait. Someone there will have more information for you."

Jess nodded. "Point me to the elevator." He commanded, refusing to deal with anymore walking than necessary.

The nurse pointed to her left and Jess shuffled off in that direction, all energy drained from him for the moment. He got into the elevator and slumped against the wall, somehow managing to press the number 5 before he did.

The moment the doors opened again on the fifth floor, Jess regained some of his strength and pushed himself out of the elevator. He walked up to the desk briskly and said, "I'm looking for Rory Gilmore. Lorelai." He corrected himself. "Lorelai Gilmore."

The nurse's mouth formed a small 'O.' "She's not out of the operating room yet." She said, repeated the other nurse's words. "Are you Mr. Mariano?"

Jess nodded and the nurse said, "I thought so. She insisted you be the one we call. She took a nasty fall down a flight of concrete steps at Rand Florin Publishing House."

Jess took in a deep breath. "How hurt is she?"

The nurse hesitated. "She fractured her wrist and sprained her ankle."

Jess caught her hesitance. "Neither of those would send her to the operating room though, would they?"

The nurse awkwardly looked away from Jess's gaze. "You should wait for the doctor." She said. "I'm not authorized to give you any more information."

At that moment, a man wearing pale blue hospital scrubs under a white coat came up to the desk. He handed a few papers to the nurse and said, "The Gilmore woman is all set up in room 504. She's still asking for Jess Mariano. Did you call him?"

"That's me." Jess said quickly, turning his attention to this man who could possibly tell him about Rory. The man was older, with hair that was starting to turn silver at his temples and warm brown eyes that made him seem inherently trustworthy.

"Mr. Mariano, I'm Dr. O'Grady." The man said, extending his hand to Jess. Jess shook it quickly. "I just got out of the operating room with your fiancé."

Jess didn't bother to correct this mistake, especially because he didn't know if Rory had deliberately told that lie to get them to call him.

"Is she OK?" Jess asked, still desperate for information.

Dr. O'Grady sighed. "Ms. Gilmore is going to be just fine. She'll walk with crutches for a week or two, but it'll heal fine, and they're just finishing setting her wrist."

"Then why was she in the operating room?" Jess asked, feeling sick to his stomach. He knew the answer, but needed to hear someone say it.

"Mr. Mariano, it was a bad fall. She fell all the way from the top step of the seventh floor all the way down to the landing of the fifth, and the steps were cement. Apparently, the building's elevator was out of order." Dr. O'Grady explained.

"Doc, just say whatever you're going to say. Stop pulling punches."

Dr. O'Grady nodded. "We had her in the O.R. while we tried to save the baby. We couldn't. Ms. Gilmore miscarried."

Jess closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. It was exactly the answer he knew he was going to hear. "Does she know that yet?"

Dr. O'Grady shook his head. "She's still unconscious. When we put her under, there was still a chance…"

Jess put a hand up to cut him off. "I'm going to tell her."

The doctor looked hesitant, but nodded. "If you're sure that's what you want to do."

Jess nodded. "I'm sure."

Dr. O'Grady said, "This is bound to be a delicate matter, Mr. Mariano."

"I know, and I think it's something better heard from someone she loves." Jess said, trying desperately not to wince at the word love.

"She should be awake soon." Dr. O'Grady said, resigned to the fact that Jess was going to tell his patient about her miscarriage. He pointed in the direction of Rory's room.

"Thanks." Jess said, walking away.

For once, Jess's sense of timing seemed to work in his favor. He stepped into the hospital room and, before he had time to let the sight of Rory pale and frail in a hospital bed affect him, she opened her eyes and looked at him through bleary eyes.

"Jess." Rory whispered hoarsely, sitting up slightly and wincing in pain.

"Hey." Jess said, rushing over to her bedside. He pulled a chair up to her side and sat down. He looked at her hand thoughtfully, but didn't reach out to take it, as was his impulse.

Rory looked at his face for a moment, then down at her fractured wrist. "You don't have to say anything." She whispered. "I can tell. I can tell by that look on your face."

"There is no look on my face." Jess said, silently cursing himself. He'd tried so hard to keep his face neutral.

"Liar." Rory said, still whispering. She sat up a little, wincing. "I can see it on your face. And I can feel it. Or the lack of it. The baby's gone. Say it."

"The baby's gone." Jess said as levelly as he could muster.

A few tears spilled from Rory's eyes and down her cheeks. "It's gone."

"You had a bad fall." Jess said, running his hands over his face as he tried to think of something else to say. Clever, comforting, sweet, sarcastic, encouraging, nothing came. There were no words.

"I was there." Rory responded. "I know. They told me there was a chance that I'd lose the baby. I just…didn't realize how much I didn't want to."

A heavy, painful silence fell between them. Again, Jess had to suppress the urge to take her hand. He wanted so badly to comfort her, but had absolutely no idea what the proper procedure to do that would be.

The heavy moments passed slowly as Rory sniffled and wept. Finally, she swallowed back some more tears and said, "I was going to be a mom. It wasn't supposed to mean this much to me."

Jess lowered his face so Rory couldn't see his humorless smirk. It was painful to hear her say something that he himself remembered saying. It almost made him want to talk to her; tell her his own horror story. The thought of that was scary to him though. Two years, and he had never said any of it out loud before. He looked at Rory as more tears fell down her face, and he could feel his own eyes beginning to burn.

"Oh, fuck it." He said.

Rory looked up at him curiously, as if she'd forgotten he was there. "What?"

Jess again bypassed his instinct to take Rory's hand and stood up. Rory's eyes got wide with fear as she looked at him, thinking he was going to walk out of the room.

"Which ankle is the sprained one?" He demanded.

Rory tilted her head, confused. She lifted the blanket so he could see the bandages around her right ankle.

Jess nodded. "Scoot over to that side."

Rory did as he requested, and as soon as she did, Jess climbed into the bed next to her. He lay down next to her and crossed his feet at the ankle. He took Rory's hand and interlaced their fingers. He squeezed her hand comfortingly and said, "About two years ago, Paige got pregnant."

Rory didn't say anything. She just focused on their hands, taking comfort in the contact. If Jess wanted to talk, then she wasn't going to interrupt.

"She didn't tell me. The night she was going to, we got into a huge fight." Jess continued. "She was mad at me for…God, I don't even remember. She went the next day and had an abortion."

Rory debated for a moment, and then squeezed Jess's hand lightly.

"She told me a few days after." Jess said, "After we'd made up." He sniffed and Rory looked up to see his eyes had glazed over.

"I pretended I didn't care; that it was no big deal." Jess continued. "We never talked about it again. I went back to my apartment that night, and I completely fell apart. I think I cried. I had no idea how I could care so much about something that I didn't even know existed while it was alive."

Rory thought back to when she'd been angrily talking about abortion, and Jess's bad reaction to the topic.

"It still sucks." Jess said definitively, indicating with his tone that the topic was no longer up for discussion. He brushed away the one tear that fell as discreetly as he could.

"Glad I have something to look forward to." Rory replied, yawning and crying at the same time.

"I never told anyone that." Jess said.

Rory sighed deeply and smiled a little. She rested her head on Jess's shoulder. "This sucks." She said, repeating Jess's sentiment.

Jess squeezed her hand. "Told ya so."

"Jess?" Rory asked, her voice lightly muffled against his shoulder.

"Yeah?"

Rory wept against his shoulder for a moment before saying, "I miss my mom."

Jess said nothing, just held her hand and let her cry for a while. Finally, she fell back asleep and Jess slid out of the hospital bed as quietly as he could. Rory shifted a bit, but didn't open her eyes.

Jess walked out of the room and scanned the hallways carefully. Finally, he took the elevator back down to the first floor and saw exactly what he was looking for: a payphone. He deposited some change into the machine and punched in a number he knew by heart, but would pretend he didn't if ever asked.

It rang twice before a voice answered on the other end.

"Hello?" She demanded. She sounded tired in a way he was familiar with: she didn't sound like she just woke up; she sounded like she had given up.

Jess took a breath. "Hi, Lorelai. It's Jess."

"Jess." Lorelai repeated, too defeated to make a quip or pleasantries. "Luke's at the diner."

"Not why I called." Jess said. "It's about Rory."

"What about Rory?" Lorelai demanded, sounding alive finally. "Have you seen her?"

"That's one way to put it." Jess said carefully. "Look, you're not going to like what I have to tell you, so I'm going to skip to the most important part. Rory fell down a flight of stairs at work. She sprained her ankle, fractured her wrist, and lost her baby. Logan's baby." He added quickly. "Not mine."

Lorelai took a deep, shuddering breath, and it wasn't long until Jess could hear that she was crying. "She was pregnant." She managed, amazed.

"Yeah." Jess answered.

"Why are you the one telling me this?" Lorelai demanded.

Jess took another deep breath. "She's been living with me since she ran away."

Jess expected yelling, screaming, cursing of his name both for not telling Luke and for just being him. He winced in expectation, but all Lorelai did was begin to cry harder.

"She needs you, Lorelai." Jess said, feeling even more uncomfortable than he did when Rory cried in front of him. "She's at Beth Israel."

Lorelai sniffed bravely. "I'll be there soon."

"I'll be ready for a fight." Jess said, trying to lighten the situation.

Lorelai hung up without a response.

* * *

Lorelai rushed into the lobby of the hospital, looking around with a franticness that the staff hadn't seen….since Jess ran in a few hours earlier. She had her in messy pigtails and her clothes were wrinkled underneath her long winter coat.

"Lorelai." Jess said, standing up from the chair he was sitting in, waiting for her arrival.

Lorelai spun around on her heel, and it was obvious that she'd been crying by the redness and puffiness of her eyes. Jess walked up to her tentatively

"It's been almost two months, and you didn't say a word. She's been with you for two months." Lorelai said.

Jess sighed, not knowing how to answer that. "I'll show you where her room is." He said.

Lorelai shook her head. "Wait for Luke. He'll be in soon. He's parking the car. What's her room number?"

"504."

Lorelai was in the elevator with a quickness that rivaled the speed Jess displayed earlier.

Jess watched the doors close before he sat back down; grateful he'd gotten out of that initial confrontation without getting slapped across the face.

Luke walked into the hospital a few minutes later, and headed directly over to his nephew. "Driving in the city is enough to make a man want to turn Amish." He said.

Jess smirked. "Yeah, it's not even worth it to have a car out here."

The two men looked at each other for a moment before they embraced awkwardly. Luke patted Jess on the back. "Hey."

"Hey." Jess responded, stepping back.

Luke ran a hand over the scruff on his face and said, "She's been with you the whole time."

Jess nodded. "Yup."

Luke sat down on a chair, and Jess sat down next to him. "No one ever accused you of not being able to keep a secret, I guess."

Jess shrugged. "I thought about calling a couple times. I couldn't let her down though."

Luke leaned back against his chair and said, "I thought about asking you if you'd seen her. I thought I remembered you mentioning her. Maybe…maybe I just didn't want to ask."

"She was so afraid to go back to her mom, to her life." Jess said.

"Hit a little close to home?" Luke asked. The two men were making it a point to stare straight ahead as they spoke to each other, never making eye contact.

"I guess." Jess said. "Running away was a big part of my life for a while."

"Not anymore?" Luke demanded, arms crossed across his chest.

Jess smirked. "Well, I'm working on it." He conceded.

"It's been too long, kid." Luke said.

"Yeah." Jess agreed. "How's the kid?"

"William's good." Luke said, grinning. "He's three now. He's with Sookie while we're up here. He's so smart."

Jess nodded and smiled at the pride in Luke's voice.

"How's the book?" Luke asked.

"Almost done." Jess responded. "But my editor's having some…personal issues."

Luke and Jess sat in silence for a long time before Luke asked the question they'd been avoiding since he walked in. "How is she?"

"Having the worst month of her life." Jess said. "I didn't think she was ever going to be OK again when she came to me. She's strong though."

"Yes." Luke agreed. "She certainly is."

"Then she finds out she's pregnant with Richie Rich's kid, and it was like…"

"Two steps forward, ten steps back." Luke finished for him.

"So she learns to deal with the fact that she's gonna have a kid, Hell, she even gets a little excited about it. Then, she fucking loses the baby." Jess said, setting his jaw angrily. "What the Hell did she do to deserve this?"

"I dunno." Luke responded, turning to face his nephew. "But she's lucky in one way."

"Chuck Palahniuk has the room next to her?" Jess asked sarcastically.

"I have no idea who that is." Luke said. "But she's got a damn good friend waiting in the lobby."

Jess smiled weakly. "I just wish there was something else I could do. Being her friend doesn't seem to be doing much good."

* * *

If ever there was a sight that could send Lorelai to an early grave, it was her daughter lying in a hospital bed. She was fast asleep with her hair fanned out behind her head. She was paler than usual, and her arm was in a cast.

Lorelai sat down next to her daughter's bed and felt her lip start to quiver as tears filled her eyes. Was this all her fault? Had she pushed Rory so far out of her life that the only person she could go to was…Jess? Where had she gone so wrong that Rory would seek comfort in Jess before her?

She'd been pregnant. Rory had been pregnant. Her baby had a baby growing inside her. She'd been pregnant, and Lorelai hadn't even known about it. She'd hurt Rory so much with her hateful, selfish comments about Logan that Rory couldn't even bring herself to _tell her mother_ that she was alone, scared, and pregnant.

Well, scared and pregnant anyway. Not so much alone. She had Jess. _She had Jess_. She'd been with him the whole time she was gone. What on Earth was that about? Jess. Of all the people in the world, she'd ran to Jess. She'd gone to the boy who broke her heart in high school and said, "Save me, please." Why would she do that? _How_ could she do that?

It wasn't as though Lorelai didn't remember what it was like to run away. She had her own experiences with that. But she'd ran alone. She didn't ask anyone for help. And she'd told her mother where she was. Rory didn't do that. Rory said, "Stop worrying. Stop calling people and asking where I am." But at no point did she even tell her where she was staying.

Hadn't Rory done exactly what Lorelai wanted her to? Didn't she go back to school, even after that ridiculous and unnecessary year she'd taken off? Hadn't she gotten a job that she liked, even if it wasn't in the field she'd always dreamed of? Wasn't she going to marry the man she loved and start a family with him, even if he was an ass? Why hadn't any of that been enough for her? Why couldn't she be happy with Rory's life? Why couldn't she have tried harder to repair her relationship with her daughter when she still could? Why was she so selfish and stubborn that she lied to herself by pretending she didn't care about her deteriorating relationship with her daughter?

Lorelai took her sleeping daughter's hand in her own and let the tears fall quietly. Why hadn't she been a better mother? Why had her hurt pride meant so much to her when right now, it meant absolutely nothing?

Rory shifted positions waking up slightly, squeezing Jess's hand lightly before beginning to drift again. Then, all of a sudden, she was wide awake. That wasn't Jess's hand holding on to hers. It was too soft, too feminine, too much like…

"Mom." Rory said, not opening her eyes.

"Rory." Lorelai mimicked, sniffing.

A tear ran down Rory's face and she opened her eyes to look at her mother, who was by this point an emotional wreck.

"The other day, I was walking to work, and there was a woman in bright pink leg warmers singing a Bangles song." Rory announced after a moment of silence.

Lorelai let out something between a sob and a laugh. "Walk Like An Egyptian?" She asked.

Rory nodded solemnly and Lorelai shook her head. "Amateur."

"I wanted to call you." Rory said.

"I wanted you to call." Lorelai said, gripping her daughter's hand tightly.

"I screwed up." Rory said, melancholy.

"I screwed up more." Lorelai argued.

Tears fell down Rory's pale face. "Call it even?"

"Yeah." Lorelai said, trying to control her sobs. Rory moved over to one side of the bed and her mother immediately crawled into it next to her. She put an arm around her daughter and Rory burrowed into her mother's side, crying uncontrollably.

"I was supposed to be a mom." Rory said. "Now I'm not going to be."

Lorelai petted her daughter's hair gently, letting her cry.

"I was supposed to be a wife too. I didn't get that either."

"Yet." Lorelai said softly. "Babe, when it's right, everything will fall into place and you _will_ be a wife and mother."

"What did I do to deserve all this?" Rory moaned.

Lorelai smiled, but there was no humor in it. "I don't know, babe. I don't know."

"Thank God I've had Jess." Rory murmured, still crying.

"Yeah, thank God for Jess." Lorelai said, surprised by the fact that she almost meant it.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. We all must learn to cope with such things.

**A/N: **Hello once again darlings. Now, here's a question for you all. Would you prefer shorter chapters if I could get them out faster, or when I do longer chapters that are admittedly very far apart? This is a shorter one. So read it and give me your opinion on length AND content. kthxbye.

**P.S.** Song recommendation of the update is _Wave on Wave _by Pat Green. It's country, but I adore it and therefore recommend it to all.

**Once**

Jess and Luke had switched locations, but not positions. The two men still sat in chairs, facing the opposite wall solemnly. Now though, they were on the fifth floor, waiting for Lorelai to emerge from her daughter's hospital room. Every now and then, a sound would float out of the room - a laugh, a sigh, a bit of crying, and both Jess and Luke would listen for a moment, then shift back into their silence.

"How's your dad?" Luke asked suddenly.

Jess shrugged. "Good. He and Sasha had a kid. A girl. Rose. Sasha digs flower names."

Luke nodded. "Have you seen Liz and TJ's new son?"

"My half-brother Gary Junior?" Jess asked, shaking his head in amusement. "He cries all the time, drives Liz crazy. And Bethany is five now. And TJ is their dad. I don't know if I feel worse for Liz or the kids."

"Ever find out how your stepfather got the nickname TJ?"

Jess smirked. "No, thank God. And please don't use the term stepfather. It's never going to get unweird."

"How's Paige?" Luke asked. "It is Paige, right?"

Jess's smirk tightened. "It _was_ Paige." He said. "That's done."

"Sorry." Luke said, grimacing slightly. "Thought that was going pretty alright."

"It was." Jess agreed, "She had issues with…" He nodded to Rory's room.

"Ah." Luke nodded. He waited long enough to give the situation the appropriate gravity, then asked, "Was she wrong?"

"Yeah," Jess said simply. "There's nothing going on with me and Rory. She's my best friend."

"Huh." Luke said, nodding his approval. "Not a term I ever thought you'd use."

Jess shrugged. "It is what it is. How's the Twilight Zone doing?"

"Stars Hollow is good." Luke responded, allowing Jess to change the subject away from Rory. "Not much changes. Patty got married again."

"No!" Jess said, more amused than shocked.

"Yeah. Lasted a good two months though, before she changed her mind. I think she just wanted Husband #8 so she could land on an even number."

Jess smirked. "Highly possible. Man do I pity the suckers who are around when she decides she wants to hit double digits."

Luke smiled, "Makes me glad I'm married already."

Jess rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I'm sure it does."

"Lorelai's going to want Rory to come back to Stars Hollow with us." Luke said, finally stating the obvious.

Jess sighed. "I figured as much. Maybe it'll be better for her."

"Yeah?" Luke asked.

"Yeah." Jess affirmed. "I don't really seem to be helping her any. Maybe she needs her mom."

Luke's eyes turned thoughtful for a fraction of a second, but he didn't comment on his thoughts. He just settled further into his chair with a bit of a knowing smirk on his face.

Jess looked at his uncle out of the corner of his eye. "What?" He demanded, seeing the smirk and recognizing it immediately. It was a look he wore often. It was the look of someone who knew something, but had no intention of sharing it with anyone.

"Nothing." Luke said. Maybe Rory did need her mom, but Luke had no doubt in his mind that Jess needed Rory.

Jess rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

Lorelai stepped out of Rory's room, causing both Jess and Luke to shoot up out of their chairs.

Lorelai took a few steps across the hallway and stood right in front of Jess. She'd been doing more crying, it was obvious. "Rory wants to talk to you." She said.

Jess went to step around Lorelai, but was met with the sharp sting of her palm striking his cheek. Jess winced for a moment, but did not let on any sign that the slap had hurt as much as it did.

Lorelai sidestepped over to Luke, and didn't look back at Jess as he went into Rory's room.

"Was that necessary?" Luke asked as Lorelai sat down. He took her hand in his own.

"I thought it might make me feel better." Lorelai responded.

"And did it?" Luke asked.

Lorelai shrugged. "Not really." She smirked for a second. "OK, a little. He should've told us."

"He was protecting Rory." Luke said, defending his nephew's choices.

"From me!" Lorelai said. "He was protecting her _from me_."

Luke sighed and wrapped his arm around Lorelai. "You're taking this too personally."

"It is personal, Luke. It is personal. She got stood up at the altar, found out she was pregnant, and miscarried the baby. She didn't tell me any of it. Jess called me to tell me. _Jess_."

Luke was silent after Lorelai said this, having no desire to say what he was thinking.

Lorelai looked up at Luke, seeing his hesitance. "What? What are you thinking?"

"I think Rory needed someone who wouldn't judge her. Being judgmental is what you're best at. What did you say when she called you after running away from the wedding?"

Lorelai was silent for a long time. She remembered fully what she had said to Rory. _I told you so._

"And Jess? He's so non-judgmental?" Lorelai demanded, trying not to focus on her role in this.

"Think about that question." Luke said. "Think about it hard. And then answer this one: is he in any position to judge anyone? Whatever you're thinking of to twist the situation around, you know the answer is no."

Lorelai sighed, annoyed. "You always defend him. I hate it just as much now as I used to."

"You've always been afraid to like him because you were always afraid he was going to hurt Rory."

"And he always did!" Lorelai exclaimed triumphantly.

"And because you were even more afraid that he _wasn't_ going to hurt Rory, and that he was going to around forever." Luke finished.

"That's ridiculous." Lorelai started.

"He cares about her. He's always cared about her. You saw that right from the beginning, and despite everything he still cares about her. Do you know what he just called her?"

Lorelai immediately stiffened. Words like _whore_ and _pathetic_ immediately sprung to mind.

"His best friend." Luke answered his own question. "Rory is his best friend."

Lorelai released a breath. "Now _that's_ scary."

"Is that a smile, Ms. Gilmore?" Jess asked as he walked into the hospital room.

Rory shrugged, still smiling a little. "It might be." She looked at Jess closely and asked, "Is that a red mark in the shape of a hand on your face?"

Jess rubbed his face. "Your mom slapped me."

Rory did all she could, but couldn't hold in the small giggle that escaped her. "Oh, Jess. I'm sorry."

Jess shrugged and walked over to Rory's bed. He sat down in the chair next to it. "Maybe I deserved it."

"You don't believe that." Rory said, reaching out for Jess's hand.

"Nah, not really." Jess said, taking her hand and squeezing it comfortingly. "But I don't blame your mom for thinking I deserve it."

Rory closed her eyes. "It was all for me, though. I know that."

"Nothing else matters." Jess said.

"Mom wants me to go back to Stars Hollow." Rory said, not opening her eyes.

Jess wondered if Rory was aware of the way her language gave away her emotion. Stars Hollow. She'd said Stars Hollow. She didn't call it home.

"Maybe I should." Rory continued.

"Do you want to?" Jess asked simply.

"Do you want me to?" Rory retaliated.

Jess shook his head, slightly amused. "This has nothing to do with me."

"That's not true." Rory said forcefully.

Jess sighed. "Rory..." he started.

"Hey, if we go down we go down together. Both of us are in this now. Don't pretend we're not." Rory insisted.

Jess smirked at her affectionately. Rory stared at him, trying to understand how he managed to make a smirk affectionate. He'd certainly mastered a smirk for every occasion.

"Do you want to go back to Stars Hollow, Rory?" Jess asked.

Rory shrugged. "I don't know. Not really. No. It's not home like it used to be."

"So where is home?" Jess asked.

Rory shrugged, a trait that got more common to her as she spent more time with Jess. "I don't know. But I know where I want to stay while I figure it out."

"And if I don't want you there?" Jess asked, letting go of Rory's hand.

Rory drew in a deep breath. That hadn't occurred to her. "Then just let me know." She said nervously.

Jess sat silently for a minute, before saying, "You're telling your mother. She won't slap you."


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: **My imagination and my college debt belongs to me. Alas, nothing else is mine.

**A/N: **This was really fun to write, so I hope youall enjoy it. Comments are amazing and terribly fabulous. As for my chapter length debate, we're just gonna take it as it comes. This is longer than the last one, but not as long as normal. Enjoy!

Song download of the moment is _I Want to Be Buried in Your Backyard _by Nightmare of You.

**Doce**

"Mom, stop!" Rory exclaimed, exasperated. She was watching her mother pace back and forth across the hospital room. "You're making the recovering girl nauseous."

"It isn't right." Lorelai said. She stopped her pacing and looked at Rory. "You should come home."

"Mom…" Rory sighed, "I can't run and hide in Stars Hollow just because I have a problem. I have to recover."

"Oh, your ankle will heal just as well back home, as long as you don't let Ms. Patty talk you into dance classes. A lesson we learned when you were five, and Idoubt that you need to relearn." Lorelai said, beginning her frustrated pacing again.

"That isn't what I meant and you know it." Rory said, drawing her injured arm across her chest and holding the cast protectively with her good hand. "My work is here. I'm this close to sending Jess's book to press, and I really think that it's going to put him, Rand Florin, and me on the literary map. I can't just bail out because the rest of my life sucks."

Lorelai stopped mid-pace. She looked at her daughter with skepticism and more amusement than she'd ever admit. "Babe, don't lie to mommy about it, OK? You aren't staying for work. You're staying for Jess."

"What?" Rory asked. "That's ridiculous!"

Lorelai smiled at Rory and walked over to the bed. She motioned for Rory to move over, and she sat down next to her daughter on the bed. "Look, we've got 26 years, 14 hours of labor and about a zillion fights between us. I think we're past pretense. Agreed?"

Rory nodded. "Agreed."

"So level with me, kid. What's the deal with you and Jess?" Lorelai asked.

Rory thought for a long moment. "He helped me when I didn't think I had anywhere else to go. He has sacrificed his entire life to help me with mine. He's become this completely different person from the one I knew in Stars Hollow." Rory smiled and toyed with her cast. "He's my best friend."

"Oh God." Lorelai said, bringing a hand to her mouth in nervousness. "You're in love with him."

Rory laughed, trying not to let on how much her mom's words sent her mind spinning with new thoughts. "Mom! No, I'm not! I'm just…extremely aware of what a good friend he's been to me."

"Uh-huh." Lorelai said, not believing a word of it. "You love him. Oh God, I think I'm going to be sick."

Rory rolled his eyes. "Mom, you're being ridiculous. Why can't a man and woman be really good friends without there being some sort of secondary agenda getting in the way of it?"

"Well, ignoring the fact that it's biologically impossible and that I've _never_ seen it happen in my entire life--which is much longer than yours by the way--, let's just focus on the fact that it's you and Jess. He never wanted to be your friend. He had a secondary agenda the whole time. He always wanted to be more, even when you had a boyfriend." Lorelai said logically.

"How old were we, mom? Seventeen. It was nine years ago! Look at how much has changed. We're different people. Do you think that any of this would have happened then? Do you think that back then _Jess_ is the one I would've ran to? Do you think he would've even considered helping me so selflessly? Everything is different now. Why don't you believe that?" Rory asked her mom.

Lorelai sighed and rested her hand on top of her daughter's good arm. "Because one thing that hasn't changed is my overpowering desire to protect you. I'm afraid you're going to get hurt even more. I know right now it doesn't seem like that's possible, but trust me, it is."

"I probably will." Rory said with a shrug. "There's got to be some more heartache embedded in there somewhere. I've got a lot of life left ahead of me."

Lorelai nodded. "And how much of it do you want to spend with Jess?"

Rory opened her mouth to answer, to tell her mother that this entire situation was temporary and soon Jess would be out of her life again. However, she couldn't believe the words she heard herself speak. "I don't know yet."

"Well, with conviction like that, what do I have to worry about?" Lorelai asked sarcastically.

Rory laughed thoughtfully, trying to keep the gravity of everything from hitting her full force. She dropped her head on her mother's shoulder and allowed Lorelai to stroke her hair for a little while.

* * *

"I'm surprised your mom didn't want to see the apartment." Jess said, unlocking the door and pushing it open. He stood to the side and let Rory hobble past him on her crutches. 

"I think she was afraid to." Rory commented. "Or she broke in while you were at the hospital to scope the place …" Rory trailed off, her eyes on the kitchen counter. "Out." She finally finished, her eyes scanning the entire apartment.

Jess smiled to himself as he closed the door, knowing exactly what she was looking at.

"Jess…" Rory said, looking around the apartment. There was a bag of gourmet coffee on every possible surface. They covered the countertops and the living room table, and there was a bag on every chair, as well as three on the sofa.

"Huh." Jess said, looking around the apartment. He placed Rory's bag on the floor. "Guess the caffeine angel was here while we were gone."

Rory pivoted, using her crutches to hold her weight. She was smiling softly, and looked like she'd be ready to cry, if that was even possible for her anymore. She'd already cried so much. "Thank you." She whispered. She took her crutches and set them against the wall. She limped a step towards Jess, and he immediately ran forward to catch her before she could try to support her own weight. Rory fell forward into his arms and hugged him tightly. "You are absolutely amazing." She whispered against him, sniffling a little. Apparently, she still had a few tears left in her system.

Jess stiffened initially. He hadn't had such close contact with a woman who wasn't Paige in over two years. Actually, it was probably closer to three. This was Rory though. With that thought in mind, Jess felt his body relax and he wrapped his arms tightly around Rory. "I just wish I could fix things for you." Jess said honestly.

Rory let a few tears fall as she took in the feeling of being in Jess's arms. It was safe. It made her feel like everything was going to be ok. It made her feel normal for the first time she could remember. It was the most amazing feeling in the world, and she never wanted to let it go.

"I have a present for you too." Rory whispered, reluctantly pulling away. "It's in my bag."

Jess looked at Rory skeptically, then went and unzipped the bag. He saw what was resting on top and let out a short laugh. He pulled out the carton of Camel cigarettes and looked up at Rory, who shrugged.

"I guess the nicotine fairy was accompanying the caffeine angel on her journeys." She said innocently.

Jess looked down at the carton. "I guess we each deserve our vices, don't we?"

"Oh yeah." Rory said, picking her crutches up again. "And I have never wanted coffee more than I do right now."

Jess laughed. "I'll put a pot of coffee on, we'll get you settled in, and then I'm going to the roof and smoking a whole damn pack of these things."

* * *

Jess wasn't exaggerating. He'd been on the roof of the apartment building, huddled up in his leather jacket in the cold December air for over two hours. Nineteen cigarette butts were piled in front of him. Jess removed the last cigarette from the pack and lit it. He inhaled deeply and watched the smoke billow away from him when he exhaled. 

With each day that passed, Jess felt like his judgment was slipping, particularly when it came to Rory. Having her live with him was completely and entirely inconvenient to him. His apartment wasn't meant to house two people. Their close relationship had cost him the only woman he'd ever really loved, and her constant personal traumas were affecting his performance in each of his jobs.

So why didn't he want her to leave?

He didn't want her to go. He didn't want her to leave his apartment, and he certainly didn't want her out of New York City. He knew that. He was man enough to admit to himself that he wanted her in his life.

The question of 'why,' however, was one that he refused to answer.

It was a scary thing, needing Rory. It reminded him of a time when she'd been the only person he cared about, even if he didn't love her. It was so similar to now, with one major difference.

He wasn't sure yet, but there was a very good chance that he was falling for Rory Gilmore again and that was a very nerve-wracking thought. It wouldn't work. It _couldn't_ work. They'd proven that already. They didn't work. They did nothing but hurt each other. They weren't as compatible as they seemed to the naked eye.

But that was a long time ago. They were different now. He had grown up a little, she'd lightened up a bit. Maybe things had changed enough that something could work between them. She'd gone to him, after all. That said something. But maybe it only said that she was desperate for a friend.

She was vulnerable, and he felt sorry for her. Maybe that was it. He wasn't in love with her. He was just apparently a softhearted guy, despite the image he was desperate to portray. Maybe he was misinterpreting wanting to help her as something bigger, something that could prove to be bad for both of them.

Or maybe he missed her all those years that they were apart. Maybe convincing himself that he'd never loved her had just been easier than trying to live without her. Now _that_ was the scariest thought he'd had yet. What if he had been in love with her when they were kids? If that was the case, then it wasn't so farfetched to believe that maybe he was falling for her again. Maybe this was all just a continuation of what they'd started when they were kids. Maybe there had never really been a conclusion to their story.

So if they didn't conclude back when they were younger, were they supposed to end now? Or was this actually real? Was Rory the one that wasn't supposed to ever have an epilogue?

Of course, there was another variable in this whole mess. Rory. What was she thinking? How did she feel? Had she had any of these thoughts? When they held hands, did she feel anything special? Did she look at him and see him as used to be? Did she see him as he was now, and did she like what she saw?

No, of course not. She didn't have the capacity to think about things like that. She had fallen in love after him. She fell in love, and got clobbered. She was picking her life up off the floor, and relying on him to be there to help her. She wasn't looking for love. She was just looking for survival. It was completely selfish to expect anything else from her, if he even did.

Did he? Did he think something else was going to happen? Did he even _want_ something else to happen? Or was he just jumbling up all of his emotions into something he could identify? Love encompassed so much. Maybe it was just easier to say he was falling for Rory than to sort out their complicated friendship.

Or maybe none of these explanations made any sense, and there was something he was missing. He had absolutely no idea.

Jess finished the final cigarette and flung the butt off the roof. He sighed, feeling a headache started directly behind his eyes. This is what happened when he chose to think about these things. Maybe it was time to go back downstairs and just go to sleep.

Jess descended the stairs from the roof and then took the elevator down to the ninth floor. He didn't feel quite comfortable walking down flights of stairs after what happened to Rory, and probably wouldn't for a while. Jess leaned his head against the elevator wall and closed his eyes. His life seemed to be getting more difficult with each passing day.

The doors opened and Jess walked down the hall to his apartment. He quietly opened the door and stepped inside. There was one lamp dimly illuminating the living room. Rory was lying asleep on the couch. She was tucked under a blanket with only her arms exposed. Jess frowned as looked at the cast on her wrist, but it melted away as he looked at the peaceful expression on her face. He was filled with the most firm sense of protectiveness that he'd ever felt. She deserved to look that peaceful all the time, and he was going to make sure that she did.

Right now, that was all that mattered.

* * *

"Rory, what are you doing?" Jess asked, stumbling out of his bedroom. 

"Shh!" Rory exclaimed, waving him away. She motioned to her cell phone, which was pressed against her ear. "Really? Thanks Jeff. I really appreciate it. And I am sorry that I woke you. Tell Victoria I said hi. Have a good day." Rory closed her phone and looked up at Jess. "I sent excerpts of your book to Jeffrey Malone."

"Should I know who that is?" Jess asked. He looked at the clock. "It's only 7 AM. How long have you been up?"

"Since 5:30." Rory responded. "He runs the Department of Children and Family Services in Hartford. We went to Yale together. I told you about this."

"I don't think so." Jess said, sitting down on the sofa.

"I definitely did." Rory said, sifting through some papers. "It's common practice to send excerpts of novels like yours to experts in the fields for accuracy purposes."

Jess nodded, scratching his head and yawning. "So what'd he say?" He was actually much more nervous than he'd admit to know what this guy had said.

"Not only did he say that it's an accurate portrayal of the system, but he also _loved_ what he read. He said that you managed to portray the system sympathetically without taking away from the fact that it is flawed and can be cruel. He faxed copies to some people that he knows, and they all agreed completely. _And_ they all want copies as soon as the full text comes out."

"Wow." Jess said, smiling. That was probably the best news he'd heard in months. "Why have you been up since 5:30?"

"That's all you have to say?" Rory asked, frowning.

"I prefer not to let my excitement show." Jess replied stoically.

"I had to do something productive." Rory said, answering Jess's question. "What's more productive than getting your novel to press? We're so close."

Jess smiled at her. "I'm glad you're getting back to work."

Rory nodded. "Me too. I'm sending excerpts to book critics now. We're going to try to generate as much press as we can before the book actually gets printed. The more we build it up, the better it will sell once it actually hits stores. _That's_ when the real fun begins. Well, for you. I'll be pretty much done then. You and your literary agent will get to be mighty close friends after that."

"Afraid Daniel's going to replace you?" Jess asked, arching an eyebrow. "He's not nearly as attractive, and he's married. And he hates me."

Rory smirked. "That's because you're a sarcastic ass."

"You're a clingy bitch." Jess snapped back teasingly.

Rory grinned at him and said, "No wonder we don't have any other friends."

"I guess that means we're stuck together." Jess said. For some reason, it was followed by an awkward silence as the two looked at each other.

"Yeah." Rory said quietly. "I guess we are."

Again, a strange silence followed as the two just looked at each other with sidelong glances. They refused to make direct eye contact.

Finally, Jess stood up. "I'll put on a pot of coffee for you, then I'm going back to bed for a couple hours."

Jess did exactly as he said he was going to without even looking back at Rory, leaving her to just sit there with her thoughts. That had been such an awkward moment, and Rory couldn't figure out why.

It had been such a different dynamic than the one that they'd developed over the past few months. What had changed overnight?

Maybe she was relying on him too much. Maybe she'd finally done it and just leaned on him more than he could take. That was the last thing she wanted to do. She needed him. She knew that without a doubt. Did she need him too much though? Maybe he wasn't as strong as she needed him to be.

Or maybe he could tell that she was looking at him differently, and he didn't know what to think.

Her conversation with her mother had really gotten to Rory more than she admitted. She had no idea what she thought of Jess anymore. She was almost positive they were just friends, but what if there was something more there?

Logan had crushed her. He had absolutely torn her apart. It had only been two months ago. It might have felt like a lifetime, but it was only two months. What was she doing, thinking something new was there with Jess? There was no way she could be with anyone now, especially him. She was tired and she was weak and she was grasping for something that made sense. It wasn't fair, and it was confusing.

The worst part was not knowing where Jess stood on any of these things. Rory had never been able to read him, and even the new and improved Jess was still a blank slate when he wanted to be. Rory had no idea whether or not he was having any of these same thoughts.

He probably wasn't. He had just lost Paige, and he had loved her. When he had _thought_ he loved Rory, it had taken him over a year to get over her. He knew that he loved Paige. It would certainly take a much longer time for him to cope with that. And considering that for all intents and purposes Rory had caused their breakup, there was very little room to believe that he was attracted to her right now.

Did she want him to be though? That was the question. Did she want to be with Jess again, or was she just looking for something that made sense? If she was looking for something that made sense, why would she search for it in Jess? Nothing about them made sense.

Rory sighed and got up to pour herself some coffee. She grabbed her crutches and hobbled across to the kitchen. This wasn't something she could think about anymore.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: **Nope, not mine.

**A/N: **This chapter really just flowed out. I just couldn't stop writing it. Not sure how much y'all will like it, so you'll have to let me know via reviews. Pretty short author's note. You all rock, and that says it all. Enjoy!

**Trece**

"You're doing it again." Jess said, not looking up from his laptop.

"Doing what?" Rory demanded, knowing exactly what he was referring to.

"Having a staring contest with the phone. The phone's always going to win." Jess said. "You have to tell Logan."

Rory sighed. "I know. But not yet."

"No." Jess agreed. "Take a couple days. He'll never know the difference."

Rory nodded, accepting Jess's advice because it was exactly what she wanted to hear.

"Can I ask you a question?" Rory asked.

Jess smirked. "I think we've established that you can." He closed his laptop and swiveled in his chair. "What's the story, morning glory?"

Rory wrinkled her nose. "Oasis? Really?"

Jess pointed an accusatory finger at Rory. "Be careful. Wonderwall is an overplayed song, but it's a classic album."

Rory had to lower her face as she hid her smile. The lyrics played through her head, and she was embarrassed to admit that she was at that moment thinking of Jess as her wonderwall. She mentally slapped herself for being so sappy.

"Do you want Chinese or pizza for dinner?" Rory asked.

"I'll cook." Jess responded, not breaking eye contact. "Is that really what you wanted to ask me?"

"I spoke to my grandparents today." Rory said.

Jess sighed. "Uh-oh. First time since the wedding that never was?"

Rory nodded. "There was some yelling, but it wasn't terrible. Mostly they seem to just feel bad for me."

"Ride that pity train as long as you can." Jess responded. "Maybe they'll buy you a pony!"

Rory smiled tightly, hoping he'd keep that good nature as the conversation continued. "They asked me to come to dinner on Friday night."

Jess could feel his spine stiffening and he clenched his teeth. "I haven't heard a question in there yet." He said tensely.

"Come with me?" Rory requested, knowing that Jess knew the question before it was asked.

"No" came Jess's quick, simple reply.

Rory looked up at him, surprised. She hadn't expected him to answer that quickly, nor did she expect that to be his answer. "I could really use some support while I'm there."

"Your mom will go with you." Jess offered as a solution. There was no way this was falling on his shoulders.

"She would, but she and Luke are babysitting for Liz and TJ this weekend." Rory responded. "Jess…"

"Rory, no." Jess said. "Reschedule until your mom can go with you."

"I can't." Rory replied, baffled that he was refusing her request. "I already _promised_ my grandmother, and I can't go back on that now. You know how my grandmother is."

"Fortunately, no I don't." Jess responded. "I met her once for, what, a half hour? And I'd prefer not to relive the experience."

"Things are different now, though." Rory coaxed. "You-."

"You're right." Jess cut her off. "Things are different now. We're not dating. I have no desire and no reason to subject myself to your grandmother again, and I'm not going to."

"But Jess…" Rory's voice took on a whiny quality.

"No." Jess responded. He turned around and opened his laptop again.

"I need you." Rory said, her voice turning quiet and desperate.

"I know." Jess said, becoming a little frustrated. He closed his laptop again, a little harder this time. He stood up and walked towards the door. "Maybe a little too much."

Jess grabbed his jacket and threw it on. "I'll be on the roof. Order a pizza or something." He knew that with her crutches, Rory would be unable to follow him there to continue this. He walked out of the apartment and slammed the door behind him.

Rory sat with her mouth agape as she stared at the closed door. Did that just happen?

Well, she'd finally done it. She had finally pushed Jess to his breaking point in her reliance on him.

It had been a silly request; without a doubt her most ridiculous to date. He hadn't changed so much that he'd want to put himself back in that position for her, especially because he was just her friend.

Rory knew that too. She wasn't stupid, and wasn't completely oblivious to the position she was imposing upon Jess. She knew that this wasn't something she could convince him to do. So why had she tried? More importantly, why was she so upset that he said no?

His words replayed in her head. _We're not dating._ Out of everything that had been said, that was where her mind remained. He was right, of course. They weren't dating. They were just friends. She wasn't supposed to get mad when he denied her a favor, especially when he willingly granted every other thing she asked of him.

Yet here she sat, pissed beyond all reason- both at Jess and at herself for wishing that they _were_ dating. She was mad, and she needed to channel that somehow.

Rory picked up the phone and dialed Logan's number before the anger could drain from her system and be replaced with cowardice.

"Logan Huntzberger" came Logan's greeting on the other end.

"Logan, it's Rory."

"Oh." Logan said, quietly. "Hey, Rory. How are you?"

"Fine." Rory snapped harshly.

"What's wrong?" Logan demanded. "You sound upset."

"If you were talking to the man who ruined your life, you'd be a little upset too." Rory responded bitterly. In the back of her mind, she knew her hostility had nothing--well very little-- to do with Logan, but she couldn't seem to stop herself from taking it out on him.

Logan was silent for a long, tense moment. "If this is why you called, I'm hanging up."

"If I wanted to call to berate you, don't you think I would've done it many times over by now?" Rory responded.

"No." Logan answered her rhetorical question. "You'd have to wait until something made you angry enough that you wouldn't lose your nerve."

Rory set her jaw at his knowledge of how her mind worked. She liked to pretend that he had never known her, that they'd never shared the past that she knew they did. She liked to think that she was a mystery to him, even though it was a lie.

"It's not why I called." Rory said, her tone losing its volume but not its anger.

"You need money." Logan said. It was a statement. "For the baby."

"No." Rory snapped, her anger now completely redirected at Logan and his presumptuousness. "I don't need your money, Logan. There is no baby."

"What?" Logan demanded, immediately following the question with another. "You made it up?"

"Yes, Logan." Rory responded with equal parts sarcasm and hatred. "I concocted a scheme to get you back by pretending I was pregnant. Since it obviously didn't work, I'm giving up the game and letting you know that it was all a hoax."

Logan's silence on the other end proved to Rory that he was thinking something very close to that scenario.

"Logan, I believe the only appropriate phrase is 'fuck you.'" Rory said harshly. "I miscarried. You're in the clear. Have a spectacular life." She clicked the phone off and threw it down on the couch.

She overestimated all the men in her life. She assumed Logan would care about her and their baby. Hell, she assumed that he'd show some sympathy and not accuse her of making up her pregnancy. She assumed Jess would do anything for her, which was ridiculous on all counts. After all, he hadn't changed that much and _they weren't dating._

Rory's lower lip began to quiver involuntarily and tears began to spill from her eyes. She covered her face with her hands, wincing at the scratchy feeling of her cast against her skin.

The sobs came quickly, wracking Rory's small frame until she was convulsing. Here she was, crying again. Typical Rory Gilmore. This time was different though. For the first time since she'd fallen apart, she was all alone. Her crying grew louder and she really wasn't sure for whom the tears were spilling.

* * *

"Rory!" Emily exclaimed as she threw open the door, which she had elected to open herself.

"Hi, Grandma." Rory said uneasily, stepping into her grandmother's hug.

"Oh, we've been _so_ worried." Emily said as she led Rory into the foyer. The maid was standing there, ready to take Rory's coat. Rory dutifully handed the coat to the maid and allowed her grandmother to take her by the elbow and lead her to the sitting room.

"I'm glad to see you aren't on crutches anymore." Emily said, noticing that Rory was limping a bit.

Rory nodded. "My ankle is pretty much healed. I got the OK to go without crutches yesterday."

"And this?" Emily asked gravely, motioning to Rory's wrist.

"Fine." Rory said dismissively, sitting down on the couch. "The cast will be off soon. No worse than the last time I fractured my wrist."

"Yes…" Emily said, narrowing her eyes at the memory. "I don't know _where_ your grandfather disappeared to. He was just here. Richard!" She bellowed. "Rory's here!"

"Rory?" Richard's voice came echoing out from an unknown part of the house. He walked in, holding a closed book. "Rory!"

Rory stood again and embraced him lightly. "Hi, Grandpa."

"It's good to see you, Rory. We've been so worried." Richard said, looking at Rory affectionately. "We were going to hire a detective."

"But your mother insisted we didn't." Emily said. "Something about not rushing you."

Rory nodded. "I just needed time to get my life back on track, Grandma. I didn't mean to worry anybody. And I sent you that letter."

"Oh yes." Emily said sarcastically. "'I'm going to be OK. I just need to be away from everyone for a while Don't worry.'" She rolled her eyes. "That was very comforting."

"Emily…" Richard said in a warning tone. He turned to Rory with a small smile. "She's here now. I'm surprised your mother didn't come."

"She and Luke are watching his sister's kids this weekend." Rory responded. "She wanted to come."

"Rory, we have so many questions." Emily said, returning to the point she desperately wanted to discuss.

"But we have all night for that." Richard said, smiling. He stood. "Shall we go to the dining room?" He offered Rory his hand, which she gratefully accepted.

* * *

"So, Rory. We've talked about your job incessantly, your mother and Luke more than necessary, and while that awkward turn the conversation took to the subject of minor league baseball was certainly charming…" Emily began, putting down her coffee cup and looking intently at Rory from her position at the table.

"Yes, Rory. I think certain things do need to be discussed." Richard agreed.

Rory nodded and picked lightly at her cast. "What do you want to know?"

"Have you spoken to Logan about all of this?" Emily asked quickly, before Richard could even open his mouth to form a question.

Rory nodded again. "He knows I was pregnant, and that I lost the baby. The lines of communication aren't good for much else between the two of us."

"So there's no chance of reconciliation between the two of you? The wedding is off indefinitely?" Emily demanded, becoming visibly disappointed.

Rory sighed. "I don't know. I don't see things getting better between us anytime soon."

Emily shook her head, upset. "Have you tried to get him to take you back?"

"Emily…" Richard said, watching Rory's eyes fill up with tears. "Stop."

"What? Is it so terrible to want what's best for Rory?" Emily demanded.

"We don't even know what happened." Richard said.

"No, Grandpa. It's OK." Rory said, sniffling. She looked her grandmother in the eye and said, "Logan cheated on me, Grandma. After he ran out on the wedding. He never bothered to look for me, to clarify what happened. I had to seek him out. He doesn't want to marry me. I don't want to marry him either." She said the last line with more conviction than she actually felt. She deliberately lowered her left hand so that no one could see that she was still wearing her engagement ring.

"Well…" Emily said after a long silence. "I think our lawyer could sue him for something he's done, don't you Richard?"

"Oh, I'm sure there's a pain and suffering claim in there somewhere." Richard said, good-humoredly.

Rory smiled gratefully at both her grandparents for making light of the situation. This was why she'd waited so long to tell them anything. Learning everything after the fact was making this that much easier for them and for her.

"Now Rory, what I want to know is where you've been living since everything happened?" Richard asked her.

"With my friend Jess." Rory said honestly.

"Jess…" Richard said, tilting his head to the side. "Have we met her?"

Rory looked over at Emily, who seemed to be trying to recall where she knew that name from. Perhaps eight years had dulled her memory of the appalling boy who had insulted her with his very existence. She didn't say anything, leaving Rory with a choice. She could lie about this, or be honest about who Jess was and his role in her life. Maybe if they hadn't been fighting, she would have lied to avoid conflict. But she had nothing to worry about. After all, _they weren't dating._

"You haven't." Rory said, speaking directly to her grandfather. "Grandma has though. You remember Jess, don't you grandma? _He_ came to dinner once."

Emily's head snapped up. "Not that dreadful boy with the black eye?"

"It's long since healed, but yes." Rory nodded. "Jess was my boyfriend in high school. He's an author now. I'm his editor."

"Well, that's just unacceptable! To think that you've gone from almost being a Huntzberger to living with that hoodlum!" Emily exclaimed. Before she could continue though, Richard interjected.

"He's helped you, Rory? Been a good friend to you?" Richard questioned seriously.

Rory nodded. "I couldn't have survived without him."

"Well, then who are we to judge?" Richard asked of his wife.

Emily sighed and sat back, not saying another word about the subject.

Rory smiled at both her grandparents. This had been more pleasant than she'd thought it would be. Maybe she didn't need Jess after all.

* * *

Rory walked into her mother's house that evening to Luke and Lorelai sitting on the couch watching a movie.

"Where are the kids?" Rory asked, kicking off her shoes and stretching out her aching ankle.

Lorelai looked up at her daughter with a smile. They'd already decided she was going to spend the night in Stars Hollow before going back to New York. "Liz missed the kids too much. How disgustingly adorable is that? So William is upstairs asleep. How was the firing squad?"

"I told them about Jess." Rory said.

Luke looked up at her and sat up on the sofa. "You didn't tell them where he lived, did you? Funerals are expensive."

Rory laughed lightly and sat down next to her mom. "Grandma is mad. She didn't really say anything to me after I told her, but Grandpa was really nice about it."

"Sticking to precedent, as always." Lorelai said, slinging an arm around her daughter's shoulders. "You OK?"

Rory nodded. "Just tired. I feel better now though. I guess I missed everyone more than I realized."

"Well, I guess anybody's good company after spending two months alone with Mr. Monosyllable." Lorelai commented.

"Hey." Luke and Rory said at the same time.

"Uh-oh. Looks like I'm the meat in a 'Pro-Jess' sandwich." Lorelai quipped.

Rory smiled sadly. She and Jess hadn't spoken since that fight they'd had, and Rory was very upset about that. They hadn't spoken in almost a week, and she hadn't even said goodbye before she left for Connecticut. It was hard, going this long on bad terms with him. How she had managed so many years was beyond her, because now she couldn't imagine being mad at him for another second. It was very strange for her, realizing that she didn't need Jess to be strong. What was even stranger was that she had realized that maybe she didn't need him, but she certainly wanted him there.

Rory leaned her head on her mom's shoulder and said, "It's going to get easier, right?"

"Yup." Lorelai said immediately.

"You're going to be fine." Luke agreed awkwardly, standing up. He kissed Lorelai's cheek, and gave Rory a quick pat on the shoulder. "I'm going to bed."

"He's finally learning." Lorelai said amusedly as her husband ascended the stairs to their bedroom. "What's bothering you tonight, kiddo?"

"Jess and I got into a fight." Rory said honestly. "We haven't spoken in a week. Do you think I've been relying on him too much?"

Lorelai was silent, giving all the answer that Rory needed. "I do rely on him too much."

Lorelai sighed. "Maybe I'm not the best judge, because I think relying on Jess _at all_ is relying on him too much. But I think there's a more important question here. Why are you relying on him so much?"

Rory nodded. It was something she'd been thinking about herself for a while now. "I think I might want to be more than just his friend."

Lorelai swallowed down the bile that rose in her throat, and tried not to be nauseous at the thought of Rory and Jess redux. She'd seen this coming, but that didn't mean it terrified her any less. At least, though, she was able to resist the urge to say _I told you so.

* * *

_

Jess looked at his computer clock. Rory wouldn't be back from Connecticut until the next day. He was using the time to work on his writing. He'd been extremely distracted since his fight with Rory, so he hadn't been writing as much as he'd like. He hadn't meant to be so harsh about her reliance on him, but the more he thought about it, the more frustrated he became. It was extremely difficult for him to constantly break his back for her and see nothing in return.

Being taken advantage of didn't suit him, and neither did Rory's affect on him.

It was difficult for him to admit affection for another person. It had taken him over a year to tell Paige that he loved her. Rory had made it easy though. She came back into his life and she needed him and it was easy to show he cared about her because that was exactly what she needed.

But now, it was getting more and more frustrating because with each day, it seemed like she was just using him as someone to do whatever she wanted, to give her affection without question.

And she was his friend. He had no doubt about that. But she didn't want anything more than that. He could tell that with certainty now. She just wanted a supportive friend, not someone to date or to…whatever. Jess kept stopping himself before his mind could bat around the word 'love.' It wasn't accurate. It wasn't even possible. It was ridiculous. Jess had only been in love with one woman, and it had been Paige. He couldn't pretend that he felt about Rory the way he felt about Paige.

Rory's voice didn't send shivers down his spine…except when she used that soft, sweet voice. Her laugh didn't echo in his mind at all the right moments…but it did at some of the wrong ones. Her eyes didn't haunt him at every waking moment…now that was just a complete and outright lie.

"No." He said to himself. He was displacing emotion or some psychobabble like that. He'd seen it on TV. He missed Paige and her effect on him, so his subconscious was trying to trick him into thinking he felt that way about Rory. It was Paige. He still loved Paige. It had always been Paige. It had _never_ been Rory, not really. It was Paige, and he could prove it.

Jess picked up the phone and pressed number one on his speed dial. _There._ Didn't that in itself say it all? He hadn't taken her number off speed dial. Because he still loved her.

Jess held the phone to his ear, anticipating how he'd feel when Paige answered, and what he'd say when he realized he did still love her. Her. Paige. _Not Rory._

"Hello?" Came Paige's voice across the line.

Jess sat in stunned silence at the sound.

"Hello?" Paige repeated. "Who is this?"

Jess clicked the phone off and placed it next to his laptop.

Not a damn thing. "Fuck."

Jess had no sooner dropped his head in his hands to ponder the gravity of this discovery when the phone sprang to life with a shrill ring. Jess stared at it for a moment before picking it up and answering it.

"Hello?"

"The next time you want to call someone and hang up, don't have The Clash playing in the background." Paige said quietly. "Though it made things easier. I didn't even have to hit star sixty-nine. You saved me a quarter."

Jess listened for a moment and heard the sounds of 'Clampdown' playing behind him. He'd completely forgotten that he had the stereo playing. He never had been good at playing the hang-up game.

"Hi, Paige." Jess said, not sure what else to say. Maybe if he talked to her a little longer, he'd find that spark he was so desperately seeking.

"Hi. Why did you call?" She asked.

Jess smirked. She never had cared for beating around the bush. "I don't know. Just to…hear your voice."

"Oh." Paige said, sounding halfway between disappointed and intrigued. "How are you?"

"I'm OK." Jess said. "Got a bit of writer's block."

"Working on something new?" Paige asked.

"Short stories." Jess responded. "All with the same characters though, so maybe if the publisher wants a novel, I can adapt them. If they still want me after this one."

"They will." Paige said surely. "It's an amazing book. You have so much to say, and, I don't know, it just seems like you were meant to do this."

Jess smiled. "Thanks, Paige. How's the concert scene?"

"Good." After a moment, she added, "I'm going on assignment a lot more. I'm going to California for a few weeks."

"You'll like California." Jess said, feeling uncomfortable.

"Yeah." Paige agreed. "I'm sure I will. So, how's Rory?"

There it was. The spark he was looking for, but it only came from hearing Rory's name.

"She's OK. Paige, I'm sorry. I don't know why I called."

Paige laughed. "I do. Didn't get the answer you were looking for, huh?"

Jess's silence provided the answer Paige expected, and she sighed. "It's OK. People fall out of love. It happens."

"Yeah." Jess responded absentmindedly.

"And they fall in love with other people. That happens too. Not just to you." Paige said pointedly.

Jess smirked. Paige's radar was a little off on that final point. "You're one hell of a woman, Paige."

Paige laughed. "A lot of good it does me, huh? Send me a copy of the book when it's done, OK?"

"I will." Jess promised. "Bye Paige."

"Bye." Paige parroted, knowing that this time it was final.


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer:** Still not mine.

**A/N: **This chapter is dedicated to the _amazing_ girls at the lit!thread at s-h dot org. Y'all are amazing, and I hope you enjoy the mental imagery of this chapter. This, my lovelies, is what an all-nighter, various pictures of the gorgeous Milo, and a mini Season 2 marathon will get you. Enjoy and review. Oh, and download Hey There Delilah by the Plain White T's.

**Catorce**

Rory walked into the apartment and placed her bag next to the door. "Jess?" She called out, breaking the silence between them for this first time in a week.

No answer came and Jess didn't appear. Rory walked the short length of the hall to the bedroom and peeked in. The bed was unmade and a few days' worth of dirty laundry was building up on the hardwood floor. She had broken the silence, but he wasn't even in the apartment.

Rory walked back out to the living room and saw that Jess's laptop was open. He took meticulous care of that machine. If it was open, then he was nearby. And if he was nearby, then he was either in the laundry room or on the roof. Considering the vast amount of laundry still on the floor, that left the roof.

"What a shock." Rory mumbled to herself sarcastically. She walked out to the hall and limped up the stairs to the roof. Her ankle was still a little sore. Rory walked out onto the roof and was hit with a gust of cold air.

"This whole rooftop smoking in December thing is no longer endearing, charming, or mysterious." Rory called across to Jess, who was standing with his back to her.

Jess turned around with a smirk on his face and no cigarette on his person. "How about the whole rooftop thinking in December thing?" He asked.

Rory smiled and walked towards him. "OK, that's _mildly_ endearing."

"How was dinner?" Jess asked, trying not to look Rory in the eye.

"Good." Rory said, pulling her cardigan tighter around herself and looking at her crossed arms. "Good."

"Good." Jess said. "That's good."

Rory smiled, but didn't look up quite yet. "I'm sorry."

"Me too." Jess agreed, still playing the look-away game. He grabbed her elbow and gently turned her around. "C'mon, let's go inside."

As they walked inside, Rory said, "I have been relying on you too much."

"Agreed." Jess said with a nod.

"I think I know why." Rory continued as they walked down the stairs. It had taken the whole trip back to New York to do it, but she'd finally mustered up the courage to tell Jess that she had feelings for him again.

"I know why too." Jess said. They entered the hallway and walked down it slowly, taking mind of Rory's bad ankle.

"Oh?" Rory asked, trying to keep traces of hope out of her voice. Did he know she was thinking about him differently? Did he feel the same way? "Enlighten me."

They entered the apartment and Jess shrugged off his leather jacket.

"God, how long have you had that thing?" Rory asked, shaking her head in amusement.

Jess smirked and hung the beat-up jacket up next to the door. "It was the first thing I bought with my first check from Wal-Mart. I love this jacket."

"So tell me your theory on my inner workings, doctor." Rory said, touching the jacket lightly as she walked past and sat on the sofa.

Jess smirked. "Look, I know these last few months have been hard. Really, I get that. And I haven't ever regretted that you ran to me. Not once. And I know that you just need a friend to support you through all this bullshit you've been going through."

"Oh." Rory said, quietly. "Yeah. A friend."

"And I'm glad it's me. It just got to be a lot. Nothing's changed, though." Jess added quickly. "We're still friends, and I'm there for you. I just can't do everything for you." He sighed, frustrated with himself. "Am I explaining this right?"

Rory nodded. She needed to hide her disappointment. Jess was opening up and being honest; she couldn't show how upset she was that she misread what they had as something more.

"I didn't mean to rely on you so much." Rory said slowly, formulating the lie that she was about to tell. "I just needed a friend. Thank you for being here for me."

It all sounded so forced and fake. The conversation sounded so hollow. Anyone listening would realize that they were both holding something back, that there was something there that both refused to put a name to. Neither Jess nor Rory realized it though. They both thought that the other one was being honest and forthright.

"So we're good?" Jess asked, meeting Rory's eyes uncomfortably.

"Yeah." Rory nodded half-hearted. "Absolutely. Still friends. No harm, no foul."

"Good." Jess said with a nod.

"Good." Rory agreed. "Want to go get something to eat?"

Jess nodded. "Yeah. Chinese?"

"A perennial favorite." Rory said. "Let's go."

* * *

"Guess what I'm going to have for you later this week." Rory said, coming out of the bedroom with her closed cell phone in her hand.

Jess lifted his arms and crossed his fingers. "C'mon, new car!"

Rory laughed. "Sorry to disappoint, but not quite. Something even better though. A date."

Jess stiffened and lowered his hands. "What?"

Rory realized what she had said and shifted uncomfortably. "For your book!" She exclaimed, masking her awkwardness with excitement. "By the end of the week, we'll know the release date."

A smile crept up Jess's face. "That's awesome. Wow. It's all really happening, huh?"

Rory sank next to him on the couch and put a hand on his leg without thinking about it. "It certainly is."

Jess looked down at Rory's friendly hand on his knee and swallowed nervously. Usually, he'd take her hand in his and neither would think anything of it. Now though, everything was different. He couldn't just hold her hand and pretend it didn't mean anything to him.

Jess grabbed Rory's hand and moved it in what he hoped was a casual manner. He stood up and walked over to his computer. "Now if only I could get over this writer's block."

"I thought the new stories were going alright." Rory commented, cradling her hand as if he'd burned her by removing it from his leg.

That was what she thought because that was the lie he'd been telling her since she got back from Connecticut the week before. The truth was that he'd been having trouble writing since realizing how he felt about Rory, and the block had gotten even worse since they'd had the apology and 'no harm, no foul' talk. He had so many ideas as to how he wanted things to progress between his characters, but absolutely no idea how to get them there.

"Just a little stuck." Jess lied easily. "I'm sure I'll snap out of it soon. Besides, the city always needs messengers, and Wal-Mart always needs people to run forklifts."

Rory rolled his eyes. "Don't be ridiculous. You're not going to have to work at Wal-Mart again. And you're going to quit that messenger job too."

Jess just shrugged. "It's one book. It might not even be any good."

Rory's mouth fell open. "Jess." She said, standing and walking over to him. She put a hand on his shoulder and asked, "Do you really think the book isn't any good?"

Jess tried desperately to remain stoic at Rory's touch, but it was killing him. He wanted to lean into her so badly, and at the same time he wanted to push her hand away from him.

"I don't know." Jess said. "What do I know about what sells, huh? That's your job."

"It's my job." Rory agreed with a nod. "But you know just as much about books as any editor I know. I think it's part of why you're so good."

Jess shook his head. "I'm not fishing for compliments here, OK? I'm just…I dunno, I'm gonna go take a shower." He pushed himself away from the computer and away from Rory and walked into the bathroom. Moments later, she heard the shower running.

Rory walked over to the couch and opened a book. She sat there, pretending to read. That had felt so awkward. It wasn't just this one though. All of their interactions had absolutely oozed with awkwardness. The worst part, though, was knowing that Jess had no idea. Here she was, trying to pretend that nothing was wrong, and Jess didn't even _know_ that anything was wrong.

"Lucky bastard." Rory murmured to herself, staring at the page. She was going absolutely crazy trying to act as though everything was normal, and she felt like she was doing a horrible job at it. She must've been a better actress than she thought though, because Jess had yet to comment on what she thought of as strange behavior.

Rory sighed and tried desperately to take her mind off Jess. She focused on the novel in her lap. She managed to remain distraction-free for about two pages before she drifted again. All she could think about was how different everything felt now that she felt so attracted to him. She'd never lost sight of what a good-looking guy he was; it was nearly an impossible task. Everywhere they went there were women, and some men, staring at him thoughtfully. What she had lost sight of though, were the little things that made him so visually appealing.

There was something in his eyes. There were flecks that glowed golden against the brown that made them more than just hazel eyes. They always scorched and burned a hole right through her when he looked at her.

His mouth was even more amazing. His upper lip was uneven, which worked surprisingly well on him. He also had this little quirk where he nibbled lightly on his lower lip when he was thinking, which could be considered an adorable quirk on anyone else. On him though, it was nothing short of ridiculously sexy. He was just put together in a way that made him so…

Rory pinched herself on her upper arm. These little mental tangents on Jess's attractiveness were getting longer each time, and now physically assaulting herself was the only way to break herself of it. She wasn't going to think about Jess anymore though. She was just going to read her book. She was so deep in argument with herself that she didn't hear the water stop running, nor did she hear the door open.

She did however see Jess exit the bathroom hurriedly. He wore only a white bath towel, slung low on his hips. The towel stopped right below his belly button, giving way to a thin trail of hair leading up his bare stomach

The term 'happy trail' never made more sense.

It was easy to forget the Jess's muscles were so well-defined, because most of the clothes he wore didn't emphasize that fact (which right now seemed like a horrible tragedy in Rory's mind). It was a hard thing to ignore now though, as he hurried into the living room, so fresh from his shower that there were still droplets of water clinging to his bare arms and abs- abs that had to come from sit-ups he did when he was alone. His dark hair was soaked and messy, sticking up in several directions.

"You're in a towel." Rory said dumbly as Jess walked right in front of her and over to his laptop. As he did, Rory closed her eyes and inhaled. The scent of him was strongest when he got out of the shower.

Jess didn't respond. He sat down at his desk and opened his laptop. As soon as he opened his document, he began to type furiously in a blur of his fingers hitting the keys. As he did so, Rory continued to stare at his half-naked profile. She tried to pull herself away; to look down at her book. Even pinching her arm didn't work. She continued to look at him, and the only word springing to her mind was 'ravish.'

"Jess." Rory attempted after what seemed like decades. "Jess."

"What?" Jess asked tersely, not even breaking his tempo as he typed.

"Are you really just going to sit there and type in a towel?" Rory asked meekly, trying to play it off humorously.

"Can't stop. Don't know when I'll get this inspired again." Jess said distractedly. "No more talking." He finished decidedly.

Rory nodded and looked back down at her book, grateful for this opportunity to sit and stare freely at Jess's form, and annoyed with herself for wanting to take it.

* * *

Jess sat typing at his laptop, as he had been for the past two days. A dam had broken while he was in the shower the other day, and he hadn't stopped writing, except for eating, sleeping, and bathroom visits. He'd been virtually incommunicado ever since, taking some of the bite out of the awkward silences between him and Rory.

Jess was so engrossed with his work that he didn't hear the knock on the door until it grew louder and more persistent.

Jess didn't look up, just sighed in frustration. "Come in!"

The doorknob moved, but the door didn't open. Jess made an annoyed noise low in his throat. Then he looked around, confused. If the door was locked then that meant Rory had left. He hadn't realized that she'd gone. "Huh."

Jess stood and stalked over to the door and opened it hurriedly. He was halfway back to his computer before he turned back around to see to whom he had just opened the door to his home. He stopped dead in his trek back to his computer as he stared at the well-dressed, blonde man standing in his doorway. The two had never met, but Jess recognized him immediately from the photo in Rory's apartment. He'd seen the photo only once, but it was very easy to remember the face of a man whom you intended to kill.

"What can I do for you?" Jess demanded hostilely.

Logan looked down for a moment, as if debating whether or not to take another step into the apartment. Jess's harsh glare wasn't enough to keep him in his place, and he took a few steps into the small apartment. He looked around, disdain and contempt obvious on his features. His nose was wrinkled up in disgust.

"What can I do for you?" Jess repeated, dropping any trace of civility that may have existed in his voice.

Logan looked Jess up and down with more disgust than he'd shown for the shorter man's living quarters. "I'm looking for Rory Gilmore."

"Huh. There are very few situations where I actually want to use the word 'duh' but it seems so gosh darn appropriate right now." Jess snapped. "She's not here right now. Leave a message."

Logan narrowed his eyes. "And you must be Jess."

"Guilty as charged. She's not here, Richie. Your extremely unwelcome, extremely blonde presence will do nothing to change that." Jess crossed his arms across his chest.

"I'm just looking for Rory." Logan asked sarcastically. "Have I done something to offend you, _friend_?"

Jess raised his eyes to the ceiling and quoted, "'I tried, but I can't do it. I'm sorry. Logan.' That's verbatim, I believe."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Would you have preferred that I broke up with you in person?" Logan snapped.

"Listen, I don't know what you want or how you even got here." Jess replied. "But Rory isn't here."

"Then I'll wait." Logan said, trying to step farther into the apartment.

Jess put up a hand to stop the annoying, blonde man from moving into his living room. "No, 'fraid not. This is my house, and you're not staying."

"This isn't a house. This isn't habitable by man." Logan said.

Jess smirked. He'd had this guy pegged since about ten minutes after Rory first mentioned his name. He was the type of guy who felt better when he demeaned those he felt were below him. It probably worked wonders on the plebeians who worked below him. Jess didn't operate like that though, so Logan's belittling didn't faze him at all.

"Get out. I don't think I can say this any clearer. Nicer, sure, but that's not my style." Jess said.

"I'm here to see Rory, and I'm not leaving until I see her."

Jess smirked. "You want to see her? Fine."

He stalked into his bedroom, leaving Logan standing in the hallway with his nostrils flaring and his fists clenched. Jess hurried back out of the room with a few photographs in his hands. He tossed the bulk of them aside and thrust one in Logan's hands. "There she is."

Logan took the photo from Jess and looked at it without much interest. His eyes widened when he saw that it was a picture of Rory in a ruined, silk wedding dress with make-up running down her face and her brown hair matted to her head. She looked sad, pathetic, and absolutely destroyed.

"You did that. So excuse me if I don't want you sitting on my couch and drinking my coffee. Rory's coffee. Whatever." Jess snapped.

"Who the Hell are you to be mad about what I did?" Logan asked, eyes still glued to the photo.

"A friend." Jess responded, knowing it was only a half-truth. "Get. Out."

"He can stay." Rory said quietly, causing both men to look at the door. She stood in the doorway, bracing herself with one hand against the doorway. She pushed herself into the room and took the photo from Logan's hands. It took a moment to register what it was, and then she let a light laugh escape her lips.

"What a sight I was that day, huh?" She asked rhetorically. She handed the photo to Jess, who looked at it with more affection than he should have. He tucked it in his back pocket and brought his eyes back up Rory, attempting to gauge her reaction to the situation.

"What are you doing here, Logan?" Rory demanded.

"Can we do this by ourselves?" Logan asked, staring pointedly at Jess, who made a childish face at the man.

"Jess has been here through everything else. He can be here for this." Rory responded. She sat on the sofa and said, "Talk."

Logan sighed, "Your grandmother called, told me where you were staying."

"And if the question had been 'how did you know where I was,' then that'd be a perfectly acceptable answer." Rory said. "What are you doing here?"

Logan sighed. "I want you to come home."

Both Rory and Jess stiffened at the statement. "Don't be ridiculous." Rory responded. "_You_ left _me_, remember? Do you need to see the picture again?" She motioned wildly at Jess, indicating that he should pull the photo again.

"Look, I was an idiot. I'm sorry. I was wrong, OK? I was completely and totally wrong. There's nothing better out there. It's you. It's always been you." Logan said, walking towards her.

Rory sighed and closed her eyes. She couldn't decide if she wanted to cry or laugh. "Logan…"

"Hey, I know that I messed this up. But I'm sorry. I was wrong. Let's try again. C'mon, Ace." Logan took her hand and looked down at the ring. "Let's get married."

Jess clenched his fists and turned around so no one could see the expression on his face. He really shouldn't be there for this. He didn't _want_ to be there when Rory went back to Logan.

Rory shook her head. "No, Logan. I can't." She retracted her hand. "I won't."

Jess spun around with wide eyes at Rory's words. _No_. She'd said no to Logan. She said no. She said no. _She said no_.

"Logan, I loved you. But you ran. You ran and you fucked someone else and you pretty much destroyed me because you weren't sure. I was sure. You weren't."

"I know." Logan responded, having the decency to look ashamed. "And I'm-"

"You were right." Rory responded, causing another jolt of shock to Jess's nervous system. "You were completely and totally correct. We weren't right. There is something else." She sneaked a look at Jess before lowering her eyes to her engagement ring. She'd never noticed before how gaudy it really was. "I don't know what that something is, but it's out there."

"So that's it?" Logan demanded, straightening. "You're saying no so you can live _here_, with _him_?"

"There's nothing wrong with him." Rory responded, her voice finally getting angry.

"Please, look at this place. Look at him! This is a mess. We have a house. We were building a life."

"I'm building a new one." Rory spat out, standing up and looking him in the eye. "And it doesn't involve you. I don't love you anymore."

It was a minor victory for all poor, scruffy artists everywhere and Jess was tempted to do a little dance in celebration. He tried to calm himself, though, by reminding himself that rejecting Logan didn't mean that she was picking him.

"So that's it? We're done and the skinny asshole gets you?" Logan demanded, getting angry.

"If that's how you're looking at it, then yes. You should go. There's nothing here for you." Rory responded, feeling an argument about her relationship with Jess would be entirely out of place.

"I refuse to accept that." Logan growled.

"Oh, fuck it." Jess murmured to himself. He crossed the space and grabbed Logan by his shoulder. His arm was back and Logan's nose was bleeding before Jess realized that somewhere in between, he'd punched Logan in the face. Adrenaline flowed through his system and he dragged Logan over to the door and pushed him out it without another word. As Logan sat on his butt, staring up in shock, Jess said, "Sorry, _friend_, looks like you're not welcome in our house. Sorry, our inhabitable hellhole." Without another word, he slammed the door.

"Rory." He said, immediately turning around and walking over to her. "Are you OK?"

Rory laughed a little and looked up at him. He'd expected tears, but there were none. "I've never been better." She responded honestly.

Jess smiled at her, knelt down, and took her hands, all awkwardness forgotten for the moment. "And now, I think there's only one thing left to do."

"What?" Rory asked, leaning in closer to him, foolishly expecting a kiss.

Jess was grinning as he stood and pulled Rory to her feet. "Let's go."

Jess opened the door and peeked out to make sure Logan was gone. He was, so Jess tugged Rory into the hallway and up to the roof.

"Jess! It's freezing. What are we doing?" Rory demanded laughingly.

Jess smiled and took Rory's left hand. He slid Logan's engagement ring off her finger, placed it in her palm and said, "Something I've wanted you to do since you first came here." He led her to the edge of the roof and said, "You know what to do."

Rory sighed and looked at the ring in her hand. This was it. If she did this, she was really throwing away everything she'd had with Logan. She looked out across the city and threw the ring as hard as she could without another thought.

The two laughed together wildly, and Jess slung his arm over Rory's shoulders. She leaned into him and sighed a deep sigh of relief. He kissed her temple and murmured, "So proud of you."

And then, all the awkwardness was back just as suddenly as it had left. Rory and Jess pushed away from each other at the same time, both muttering about the cold and going back inside.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer:** All of it valuable, none of it mine.

**A/N: **Nothing to say except you're all fabulous and reviews are equally fabulous! enjoy!

**Quince**

"You know what I should do?" Rory asked. She was curled up on the couch with a book.

"If the words feng shui or bungee jumping come out of your mouth, I'm going to have to recommend against it." Jess responded. He was on the sofa next to her, making notes in a novel as he read, "Particularly because you are _not_ moving my furniture around."

Rory snickered a little and said, "As tempting as that is, I was thinking maybe I should go to the house and get my stuff."

Jess smirked and nodded. "That's not a bad idea. As much as I love the 'Rory's Going to Yale' shirt…"

"Hey!" Rory protested with a pout, tugging at the T-shirt. "I love this shirt."

"Which is why it wasn't at the house with the rest of the clothes you like." Jess retorted, turning the page of his novel.

Rory shrugged. "Logan hated it."

"Logan's an idiot." Jess replied automatically. It had been his standard response for the past three days. Now that he was completely out of Rory's life, he was no longer a taboo subject and Rory had been venting about him a little more. Even so, it wasn't Jess's style to verbally thrash him at every opportunity, mostly because he just didn't care. Logan was gone, and therefore nothing about him mattered.

Rory smiled and bookmarked her page. She put the book on the table, stood up, and said, "I'm going to do some laundry."

Jess looked up at her and asked, "Do some of mine?"

Rory rolled her eyes. "Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I'm going to do your laundry."

Jess smirked and looked at Rory over the top of his book. "Do my laundry and I'll forget that you're wearing my sweatpants."

Rory looked down at the baggy gray sweats she was wearing, suddenly feeling as uncomfortable as if she weren't wearing any pants at all. She sighed. "Fine. But I'm not doing your boxers. Eww."

Jess rolled his eyes and continued to read while Rory grabbed a full laundry basket, her book, and some detergent and left the apartment. She'd only been gone for a few seconds when the phone rang.

Jess reached over and grabbed the phone without taking his eyes off his book. "Hello?" He asked lazily, continuing to read.

"Hey Jess." Luke's gruff voice responded from the other end of the line.

"Hey Luke." Jess said, turning the corner of the page down to mark his spot. "How's it going?"

"Good. How are you?"

"Eh, not bleeding. No disfiguring diseases." Jess said, sitting up and putting his book on the table.

"The marker of any good day." Luke responded. "How's Rory?"

"Fine. She'll be back up in a few minutes if you want to say hey. She's doing laundry."

"No, no." Luke said. "You tell her hello for me." There was a moment of silence before he continued, "She's OK though? Doing alright?"

"Luke, did Lorelai tell you that she had it out with Logan?" Jess asked, smirking at Luke's failed attempt at subtlety.

"Yeah." Luke said, sounding a little embarrassed.

"She's fine." Jess responded. "Better than ever. Everything's going great."

"Huh. When did you become such an awful liar?" Luke asked.

"Excuse me?" Jess asked, surprised at the question.

"You're lying." Luke repeated. "What's up?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Jess said, stiffening.

"Wow, two in row where I was able to pick it out. You suck at this. Since when do you suck at this?" Luke couldn't keep the amusement out of his voice.

"Whatever. You don't know what you're talking about." Jess repeated.

"Wow, not even a different indignant response. Is it that bad?" Luke demanded.

"Is what that bad?" Jess asked, feigning ignorance.

"You and Rory." Luke said, as if it was obvious. "You know what I mean."

"Clearly I don't." Jess snapped.

Luke laughed lightly and said, "Still in denial, huh? Well that's understandable. After all, it is your way."

"Geez, you've been living with Lorelai way too long." Jess said, not sure how annoyed he actually was.

"Yeah, but at least we're married. What's your excuse?"

"What the Hell is that supposed to mean?" Jess demanded, officially stepping the line over to annoyed.

"It means, nephew, that you're in love with Rory. Again." Luke said as condescendingly as he could muster. He was enjoying this a little. It felt good to be in the know for once.

"Shut up." Jess commanded.

"Not even an 'I am not'?" Luke asked, sounding impressed. "Wow, it's gotten that bad. I didn't realize it had gotten that bad."

"You're cracked." Jess growled. "Completely. And you're completely wrong too."

"You've got a thing for Rory again. I can't believe you haven't done anything about it yet." Luke said.

"And what am I supposed to do?" Jess demanded.

"I don't know…tell her?" Luke said.

"Give me a break." Jess said, standing. "How long did it take you to tell Lorelai you liked her? Eight years?"

"That's different." Luke said quietly.

"No." Jess said. "It isn't. Don't be a hypocrite."

"Hey, do you really wanna be like me?" Luke asked. "Pining and being miserable and just being the 'best friend'? Ask me how fun it is, OK? It took me _years_ to get where I wanted to be." Luke's voice got softer as he said, "I don't want to see you make the same mistake."

Jess sighed and all the fight drained out of him. "I know. Look, there's no point. Lorelai liked you back. It was always there. Me and Rory though…there's nothing there anymore. Not for her."

Luke had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. He might be fairly oblivious, but _he _knew that there was something between them again. He would've known even if Lorelai hadn't told him.

"Talk to her." Luke encouraged. "I think you'll be surprised. I'm gonna go, kid. Take care."

"I will." Jess responded automatically.

"Of the both of you." Luke finished before hanging up the phone.

Jess clicked off the phone and tossed it aside with a sigh. Luke knew. It must be transparent if Luke had figured it out. This whole thing was ridiculous. There was no reason to inform Rory about how he felt. She was barely over Logan. There was nothing good that could come from him letting her know that felt…however that happened to be. He hadn't even tried to put a name to it yet. Luke had said 'love' and it was possible that he wasn't far off. There was no good option here.

He could tell her, and have the most awkward living situation ever. The two of them, shuffling around the same apartment, trying to pretend it never happened. Or, he could tell her and she would move out and he'd lose her completely. He didn't _want_ to lose her completely. He'd done that already, and now he regretted nothing more than those nine years that they'd gone without contact. He didn't count the 'I love you/come with me' debacle as contact. It was foolishness and it was best left forgotten. Deep down, he knew that if none of that had happened then they wouldn't have ended up with the relationship they had now. It was still painful to think he was responsible for that rift between them. He didn't want that to happen again.

So he wouldn't tell her. That was the only viable option. He'd block it all out, not do anything about it. No matter what occurred, at least this way he could keep her as a friend. That was the only thing he could hope for now. He'd had too many chances with her, and now all he could be was her best friend.

"You're going down and getting that laundry when it's out of the dryer." Rory walked into the apartment with her book and the laundry detergent, breaking Jess from his unsettling reverie. "I'll fold, but I'm _not_ going down there again. Creepy Steve is there again."

"You _know_ his name is Jonas, right?" Jess asked, trying to force his thoughts back to the moment at hand.

"Creepy Jonas doesn't sound right." Rory said, waving her hand in dismissal.

Jess smiled a little and sat back down. "You are your mother's daughter. Luke called. He says hey."

Rory sank back into her position next to him on the couch. She opened her book again and looked at Jess as he did the same thing. Jess looked up and saw her staring. "What?" He asked uncomfortably.

"Nothing." Rory said, blushing and looking down at her book. It would do no good for her to tell him that she was thinking about how nice it was to spend an afternoon on the couch reading with him, how _right_ it felt.

"What?" Jess asked again.

"I'm just tired." Rory said, closing her book. "Will you read aloud to me?"

Jess considered her request for a long moment, rolled his eyes as if it was a great burden, then started to read aloud to her. Soon she was asleep, her head rested against his shoulder. Jess looked down at her sleeping form, and tried not to think about how perfect this almost was.

* * *

"Jess!" Rory exclaimed, running into the apartment and flinging her coat onto the sofa. "Jess!"

The toilet flushed Jess walked out of the bathroom in a pair of plaid boxers and a black t-shirt. His eyes were heavy with sleep and his hair was up in all directions. "What's up?" He asked with a yawn. He looked at Rory's bare wrist and asked, "Cast removal went OK, right?"

"Fine." Rory said, waving her now castless hand. "That's meaningless right now. I have news _so_ big that you'll forget all about my newly healed wrist! It makes my lack of cast seem completely obsolete!"

"Rory, you're so excited that you're rambling. Stop. Breathe. Share." He commanded simply, suddenly wide awake and completely intrigued.

Rory smiled at him and asked, "How do you feel about January 17th?"

Jess tilted his head to the side and shrugged. "Not my favorite date, but I guess it has its merits…oh my God. No." He finished, his face showing his realization.

Rory nodded eagerly, beginning to jump up and down excitedly. "It's the release date of your book. Your book has a release date!"

Jess's smile spread across his face and he ran his hands through his hair. "My book has a release date." He said quietly.

Rory rolled her eyes. "Can't you do any better than that?"

"My book has a release date." He said it louder, still letting it sink in.

"Once more, with feeling!" Rory exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air for effect.

"My book has a release date!" Jess exclaimed, trying and failing to maintain some of his dignity. He was too excited to play cool right now.

Rory clapped her hands lightly. "It does! It really does! Oh, Jess. I'm so proud of you!"

Jess didn't seem to hear Rory's sentiment. He just looked at her and exclaimed again, "My book has a release date!"

"Ok, new excited utterance now!" Rory said, her excitement not at all marred by her faux-annoyance.

Everything started moving in slow motion for Rory. Jess closed the gap between himself and Rory and picked her up by the waist, spinning her around in a full circle before placing her feet back on the ground and hugging her tightly. "I never could've done it without you." Jess said. His voice lost nearly all its volume, but absolutely none of its happiness.

"I just corrected some of your grammar…" Rory said meekly, taking in the close contact with great pleasure.

"No." Jess said, pulling his head back so he could look at her with solemn eyes. He gently brushed some hair away from her face and said, "You've done so much more than that."

Rory opened her mouth to respond, but found herself physically unable to answer him. It took the longest second in the world for Rory to realize why: Jess was kissing her. Without giving it permission, her body responded immediately to the kiss. She leaned into him and somehow her hands made their way into his already messy dark hair.

Jess pushed forward, successfully pinning Rory against the hallway wall. This wasn't what he'd meant to do, but this was what he was doing. It didn't exactly go with his plan. Hell it was the antithesis of the plan, but that didn't matter. _This_ was what mattered, and right now it seemed like a much better plan than the original. He ran his tongue over her lower lip in a desperate plea for access. Rory's mouth slid open, doing so without her permission, and her hands were out of Jess's hair and under his shirt. Her body was staging a mutiny, and she was powerless to stop it.

Jess finally pulled away from Rory's mouth, but only long enough for his lips to make the jump down to her collarbone. He began trailing kisses along her neck, pressing his body hard against hers.

"Jess." Rory moaned, but it wasn't disapproving or commanding as she'd hoped it might be. Instead it was pleading, begging for more. Jess complied with every part of his body, pushing her harder against the wall, kissing her neck fervently, and allowing his hands to sneak up her shirt and unclasp her bra.

It was the touch of his warm hands on her bare back that sent shivers down her spine and created a pool of heat that started in her stomach and spread all the way down to her toes. Without thinking, she had pushed back against Jess, locking her mouth to his again as she forced him to back into the bedroom. She had his shirt off before the crossed the threshold, and the rest of their clothes soon followed suit. Before either had even realized fully that they had made it to the bedroom, they'd fallen into the bed, still grasping at each other furiously, as if they'd both been waiting years to do so.

* * *

Rory woke up to the feeling of a hand gently trailing up and down her back. She smiled a little and nuzzled a little deeper into Jess's bare chest. She sighed in her contentment before her eyes shot open and she sat straight up in bed.

"Oh my God!" She exclaimed, bringing the sheet up to her chest. "Oh my God!"

Jess sighed and sat up next to her. "Was that necessary?"

"Jess, we just had sex!" Rory exclaimed, tears welling up in her eyes.

"I know." Jess said, resting his head against the headboard and reaching for her hand. "I was there. Did we do something wrong? Why are you crying?"

Rory pulled away. "This was the stupidest thing we could've done! What were we thinking?" She put her head in her hands and tried to concentrate. "It's OK." She said. "We can pretend this never happened. I mean, we were just excited about your book, right? It's not like this meant anything." Rory was in full crisis aversion mode. She knew that there was no chance this meant anything to Jess, so she had to play cool about it.

Jess sighed and shook his head. "Rory…"

"It's fine." Rory said. "Nothing wrong with a little meaningless sex. I mean, it's usually not my style but there's a first time for everything. It was pretty good, _really _good, so maybe I'll take it up more often. Besides, I'm sure it's not your first time, so I know you're not nearly as concerned as I am. Don't worry. Give me a minute to regroup and forget. Ok, I'm good. It's forgotten."

"Stop that!" Jess exclaimed, growing frustrated. He got out of the bed and pulled on his boxers while Rory modestly looked away.

"Stop what?" Rory asked, looking back tentatively. When she saw he was dressed, she turned to face him.

Jess picked up Rory's shirt and jeans and tossed them to her. Then he picked up his own shirt and put it on. "Stop acting like it didn't mean anything."

"It didn't." Rory forced herself to say, toying with the hem of her shirt.

"God Rory, are you that blind?" Jess exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.

Rory tilted her head to the side. "What? What are you talking about?"

"I realize that this is a very unstable time in your life, but how dense do you have to be to not realize that I'm in love with you!" Jess exclaimed, looking at Rory for her reaction.

Rory's eyes widened and for a fraction of a second, she actually looked happy. Then her eyes welled with tears and she looked down at the shirt she was still holding. She looked up at Jess, her face devoid of all emotion, except for the tears in her eyes.

"I think I should move out."

* * *

**A/N the second: **Please don't hate me. 


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

**A/N: **Thanks for not lynching me. Remember that kindness during this next chapter too. You guys rock, and your reviews are much appreciated. I know this story has been going for a while, and thanks so much for sticking with me. It's been a year since I started, and I just Rory and Jess to kiss. Seems crazy, but the end is upon us. The story should be done before the end of the summer. Enjoy this chapter! Oh, and download _I Hear The Bells_ by Mike Doughty. It's kinda awesome.

**Diez y Seis**

Jess stared at Rory in disbelief. Of all the immediate reactions he had pictured, that one had not even made the list. _I think I should move out._

"What?" Jess asked. It was dumb, it was simple, and it was the only word still left in his vocabulary at the moment.

Rory slid her shirt over her head before responding. "I can be out today. It's not like I have a lot of stuff. I might have to come back for some of my books, but I'll worry about that later. Turn around please."

"What?" Jess repeated, feeling stupider with each passing moment.

"I need to put my pants back on, and I'm not wearing underwear. I don't even know where my underwear is." Rory said. Jess sighed, but turned around begrudgingly. At Rory's 'ok,' he turned back around. Rory stood there, smoothing the front of her shirt compulsively.

"Anyway, I can be out in a few hours." Rory said.

"Rory, stop." Jess said, running his hands through his hair. He was trying not to get mad until he knew exactly what Rory was thinking, what her logic was. "Why do you want to move out?"

Rory smiled at him, and it was a smile that froze his blood. It could only be described as patronizing. She'd never looked at him that way before, with something so close to pity in her eyes before. She'd never looked at him as if she didn't respect him until that moment.

"Jess, I don't know what you expect me to say here. You think you're in love with me, and that's sweet, but I don't look at you that way anymore. We both agreed we were past all that. I can't…lead you on by living here while you think you feel this way." Rory said, her voice dripping with saccharine sweetness as she systematically destroyed and demeaned every thought and feeling Jess had.

Jess stared at Rory, dumbfounded. He could hear her voice wavering, and in his normal state, Jess might be able to analyze that and deduce that she was lying. All he could hear right now was her words though, and her words had formed a point and stabbed him directly through his heart.

"I mean, I'm _sorry_ that you lost Paige, Jess, but you can't just transfer all that emotion onto me out of convenience." Rory said with feigned innocence.

Jess's eyes grew hot and he glared at Rory angrily. "You're the reason I lost Paige, Rory. My life was going fine until you came back into it!"

Rory shook her head sadly. "You never could admit when you were at fault. You haven't grown up at all. I guess anyone can write a mediocre book and call themselves an adult."

"Well if growing up is turning into a heartless bitch, color me happy about that fact." Jess snapped, to angry to be hurt. He wanted so desperately to throw something, but nothing seemed like an appropriate option. So he threw words instead. "No wonder Logan ran off to fuck his secretary. He knew there was something better than you."

Jess stared at Rory, waiting for a reaction; any sort of reaction. He waited for her to get angry, or burst into tears, or maybe even fall into his arms. Any of those, he could've handled. Her cold indifference though, continued to throw him for a loop.

Rory shook her head again. "Jess," She said, sounding almost disappointed in him. "This is getting very childish, isn't it? I'm sorry you misread something between us, but please don't make this more difficult than it has to be."

"No, this isn't going to be difficult. You'll be out of my apartment within two hours. You'll get someone else to finish things with my book. Barring family events I'm forced to go to, we're done and my life will finally make sense again. Very easy."

Jess looked around the floor and quickly pulled on a pair of dirty sweatpants quickly. He slid his shoes on without bothering with socks. He pulled on his T-shirt, paying no attention to the fact that it was inside out and backwards. He looked at Rory once more before and this time; he was the one who shook his head sadly. "I thought I loved you. I don't even know you."

Rory jumped slightly as the door slammed behind him. Dazed, Rory walked over to the bed and sat down. She dropped her head in her hands as she reran what had just happened in her mind. She had to skip past the part where she and Jess had the most mind-blowing sex of her life, because at the moment it paled in comparison to everything else that happened. What had she done?

She knew exactly what she had done. She'd fixed it. Jess thought he was in love with her, and he had to be set straight. There was no way that they could work again, and she wasn't even going to entertain a notion that ridiculous. She knew Jess though, and she knew the only way to deter him was to…well, to destroy him. So she did. Problem solved.

By the time Rory had packed her bags, she almost had herself believing her own lies. She almost had herself believing that everything she had just done was for the best. As she leaned over to grab her beat-up, black Chuck Taylors from under the bed, she knew that she had just saved both herself and Jess a lot of unnecessary pain.

Rory reached under the bed digging for her shoes and she felt something sleek between her fingers. Confused, Rory pulled her hand out and her wedding dress appeared from within the cavern that was Jess's bed.

That was day Jess had saved her life, the day he had taken her in without a single question, without a single doubt in his mind. He'd been willing to throw it all away to help her, and he had. He fixed her. And somewhere along the way, they fell in love, only neither had bothered to voice that to the other one.

Now Rory had gone and ruined any future for them, destroyed it beyond repair, turned it into nothing more than a torn, discolored wedding dress stuck underneath a bed. It didn't just symbolize her failed relationship with Logan anymore, but also the relationship she'd never have with Jess.

She'd throw it in the incinerator before she left the apartment building for the last time.

* * *

"William's asleep." Lorelai said, coming down the stairs to the living room.

Luke smiled at his wife and reached for her hand. He pulled her down into his lap and kissed her. Lorelai smiled at him and said, "I only had to read him one book. It's such a nice change from the three or four I had to read to Rory every night."

"How is she?" Luke asked. "Jess said she's OK, but Jess also thinks that she doesn't have feelings for him."

Lorelai rolled her eyes. "You're nephew's an idiot. Rory's not at her best yet, but she _is_ OK with the Logan thing. She definitely has it bad for Jess again."

"He's in love with her too." Luke revealed. "He didn't deny it when I talked to him the other day."

"Wow." Lorelai said, impressed. "That's like getting it tattooed on your ass."

"Yes, very similar." Luke said, shaking his head at his wife.

Lorelai sighed. "How long 'til they figure it out?"

Luke shrugged. "Who knows? Sometime soon though. They're smart, and I think they're finally ready to make it work."

Lorelai nodded with a sad smile. "I think so too. Scary thought."

"William is going to be so confused." Luke said.

"William? That's who you're worried about? Our three-year-old son? Please! _I_ am going to be so confused. I was confused the first time they dated and I have a feeling that the puzzle hasn't gotten easier with time." Lorelai exclaimed dramatically.

Luke stared at her. "Are you done now?"

Lorelai opened her mouth to start again, but was stopped by the doorbell. Lorelai closed her mouth and pouted. "I guess I am." She stood up begrudgingly and walked towards the door. "You're cutting into my rant time!" She called to the unknown visitor.

Lorelai pulled the door open to see Rory, her eyes red and a pile of luggage at her feet. "Hi."

Lorelai smiled comfortingly at her daughter. "Luke!" She called. "Now I'm even more confused!"

Luke made his way to the doorway and stared at Rory in amazement. "Rory, what're you doing here?"

"Not the time for that question, sweetie." Lorelai said, touching her husband's arm. "Grab her bags."

Luke picked up Rory's suitcase, duffel bag, and laptop case. He offered a sympathetic, if not completely baffled, smile before taking the bags over to Rory's old room.

Lorelai put an arm around Rory and led her into the house. "How'd you get here, babe?"

"Train to Hartford, cab to Stars Hollow. I didn't have enough money though, to pay for the rest of the ride up to the house. Only enough to get me to the square. So I tried to walk the rest of the way but Kirk gave me a ride. Since when does Kirk have a car?"

"It was a very scary day in all our lives, trust me." Lorelai said in response to her daughter's babbling. "Do you want to go to bed? Do you want coffee? Luke can feed you if you want."

Rory shook her head and sat down on the couch. "I'm OK."

"Umm, what is that phrase I'm looking for? Oh yeah, liar, liar, pants on fire." Lorelai responded, sitting down next to Rory.

Rory sighed and her eyes filled with tears. She brought her legs up underneath her and leaned her head on her mother's shoulder. "Everything sucks."

Lorelai ran a hand over Rory's hair and asked, "Did Logan come back? Does mommy need to kick some rich, blonde boy ass?"

Rory shook her head. "No. Logan got the message. He's starting the process of selling the house next week."

"Oh, is that it then?" Lorelai asked. "Break up remorse? Because I've got to tell you, kiddo. I really think this was for the best, no matter how nice the house is or how big the diamond was…before you threw it off the roof of a building."

"That's not it. Logan and I, we're done. I don't love him anymore." Rory said as forcefully as she could under the circumstances.

Lorelai nodded in realization. "Ahh, I get it. What happened with Jess?" Rory looked at her mom defiantly and Lorelai said, "Don't try to deny anything, babe. You're upset, and I _know_ it's about a guy. You only _know_ two, and you've already narrowed it down for me."

"Jess and I are done too." Rory said quietly.

Lorelai tilted her head to the side. "Is it possible to break up with someone you aren't even dating?"

"We slept together." Rory blurted, blushing deeply.

Lorelai closed her eyes tightly, wincing at the statement. "OK, we're sharing. Communication is the key to a good mother-daughter rel- oh God, I pictured it! It's burned in my brain."

"Mom." Rory said with a sigh.

"That's going to be the image I see until I die. My daughter and a very naked Jess. Eww! Naked Jess!" Lorelai said, shuddering.

"Mom!" Rory exclaimed, "Your sense of timing really, _really_ needs work."

"Sorry, I'm focused. I'm a camera." Lorelai said, patting her daughter's shoulder. "You. Jess. Nudity. I'm sorry, but oh my God eww!"

"Mom! Did you ever think about me and Logan having sex like this?"

Lorelai looked down, ashamed.

'Mom!" Rory exclaimed, disgusted.

"Well, you know how my mind works. And it isn't like I go into detail. I'm just extremely aware that it happened…a lot." Lorelai said, trying to get out of the topic. "Anyway, you and Jess…"

"We messed up. We fell in love."

Lorelai shook her head sadly. "Very stupid of you, but not at all unexpected. Even Luke knew."

Rory's eyes widened. "_Luke_ knows?"

Lorelai nodded. "Yup."

"Anyway," Rory continued, "It doesn't matter. It's done. No more Jess."

Lorelai rolled her eyes. "No matter how many times you say something like that, it's never true."

"This time it is. I completely blew him off, told him he was ridiculous for having feelings for me, and pretty much demeaned everything he's done with his life."

"Wow. Ambitious." Lorelai said with a nod. "So why'd you do it? Why'd you deny an attraction so obvious that _Luke_ noticed it?"

Rory thought about her mother's question, and looked up at her with tired eyes. Her mouth hung open with intent to answer, but instead she just said, "I just want to go to sleep, Mom."

Lorelai looked at Rory, tempted to push for more information. In the end, she just kissed her daughter's head and said, "OK. Go to bed, babe."

Rory padded into her bedroom, mumbling a quick goodnight to Luke, who was hovering awkwardly in the kitchen. As soon as her door closed, Lorelai spread out on the couch and said, "What are we going to do with those two?"

Luke walked back in the room and said, "Well I'm thinking of killing Jess. Or possibly castrating him. I can't believe him and Rory…"

Lorelai waved her hand at him. "Don't make me think about it again!"

"So what do we do? Can we fix this?"

Lorelai shook her head. "Not that I'm saying I _want_ to fix them, but even if I did, we couldn't. They make such messes when it comes to each other."

"They're in love. That's the way it works." Luke said, taking Lorelai's hand. "Case in point."

Lorelai smiled at him and rested her head against him. After a moment she asked, "So do you need a beer as much as I do?"

Luke was off the couch as soon as the words were out of her mouth. "I need like four. You can have what's left."

* * *

Jess gave Rory two and a half hours before he walked back into his apartment. He knew Rory would be out in less than two hours. She was probably out in under one, but he wasn't taking any chances. He couldn't bear to pick that fight up where it left off, couldn't bear the thought of her being so cold, or of forgiving her if she apologized.

It had been wrong. The whole thing had been wrong. Well, not the sex part. Nothing had ever felt more perfect than that. The rest of it though, was wrong. He shouldn't have let his emotions get the better of him like that; used his excitement over his book as an excuse to act on what he was feeling for Rory. He should've remained calm when she had that reaction. He should've held it together until he could talk rationally with her, but her passivity had gotten under his skin and he'd blown up at her. They had both said harsh things, and he knew the argument had affected Rory more than she'd allowed herself to show.

He also knew that she probably didn't mean most of what she said, but she'd still said it, hadn't she? She'd had those thoughts in her somewhere, and she had used them to make him mad and kick her out. She wanted to leave. Because she was scared? Yeah, probably. But why should he have to guess about something like that? She talked about everything with him. Why should he have to guess whether or not she was running away because she was scared or because she really didn't love him? Why couldn't he just be a normal, ignorant guy who took what the girl he liked said at face value?

Why was he holding on to the belief that maybe she did love him?

Jess took his coat off and hung it on the hook next to the door. He walked over to his refrigerator and grabbed a beer out of it. It seemed a little cliché to drink a beer to mourn a failed relationship, but it also seemed very appropriate. He opened it and took a long sip.

Jess's gaze moved to the counter, where Rory's key lay lonely and bright like a beacon for his misery. He took another sip of his beer and looked at the key. Why had he been there when she showed up in her wedding dress? Why hadn't he gone to the grocery store like he had intended? Why had he got caught up in his writing? He didn't believe in fate, or at least that's what he told himself. Maybe he _did_ believe though, and maybe that's why he couldn't let the idea of Rory go.

Nothing about them made sense. He knew that. The amazing thing was that _everything_ about them was perfect. OK, perfect might have been a stretch, but not an extreme one. There were good together. They understood each other, and they lived well together. Maybe they'd been stupid when they were younger. Maybe he shouldn't have run away, maybe she should've come with him when he'd asked. Maybe they were meant for each other.

Or maybe it was all in his head. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe Rory was in the right here. Maybe she knew what he didn't, that they weren't meant to stay in each other's lives for more than a few months at a time. Maybe he was seeing something that wasn't there.

No matter how many beers he drank, he didn't believe it was true.

What was he supposed to do though? He was in love. Fan-fucking-tastic. She walked out. Whether she was scared or angry or whatever, that was still the heart of the situation. He said he loved her, and she moved out of his apartment. He couldn't fix that, couldn't reverse time and change what had happened. He couldn't go after her either. He still had some semblance of his pride. He was at a stalemate, and he had no idea when closure would find him or in what form it would come.

Jess sighed and downed the rest of his beer. There wasn't anything more to do right now, and quite frankly the last thing he wanted to think about right now was Rory "I-Think-I-Should-Move-Out" Gilmore.

Which would be so much easier if everything didn't remind him of her.


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: **Nope, none of it's mine.

**A/N: **This chapter is really, really short but that's because the next chapter is --Insert suspenseful music here-- the last chapter! It'll be up sometime soon. Try to enjoy this one, and please review!

**Diez y Siete**

"I can do everything for the next two weeks from home, and fax everything into you." Rory said. She was scribbling furiously as she held the phone between her ear and shoulder. Lorelai walked into the kitchen and over to the coffeepot. She poured herself a cup while blatantly eavesdropping on her daughter's conversation.

"Of course, Mr. O'Brien. Except for Jess Mariano. J.F. York, I mean. I've already talked to Johnson, and he's going to supervise the final printing of the book." Rory finished, putting down her pencil and drumming her nails on the tabletop.

"Yes, I'm sure." Rory said. She paused while her boss spoke to her and said, "Thank you, Mr. O'Brien. Right, two weeks. Thank you." Rory clicked off the phone and placed it on the table.

"Staying with us 'til after Christmas then, babe?" Lorelai asked, sitting at the table and facing her daughter. "While asking would've been nice, you're welcome of course."

Rory shook her head. "No. Well, maybe. I haven't thought about that yet. What would you think about me going back to school?"

"What?" Lorelai asked, confused. "What does that have to do with you staying with us over Christmas?"

Rory thought for a moment. "Nothing," she replied honestly. "But it has everything to do with the fact that I just quit my job."

"What?" Lorelai asked, setting her coffee mug down with a loud clatter. "That's what just happened?"

Rory nodded and folded her hands. "I just turned in my two weeks' notice at Rand Florin."

"Babe, I hate to say this to you, but…huh?" Lorelai asked, confused and nervous for her daughter.

"When I graduated from Yale, I was only three classes away from a double major in journalism. I've been doing some thinking-."

"Glad to know something productive came from locking yourself in your old room." Lorelai interrupted.

"And I hate being an editor." Rory finished as if her mother hadn't spoken. "That's not true. I don't hate it. It's not a horrible job. I love to read, and it's really good for that and I've met some really, really great authors. Most of them suck, but some of them are good. It's not a bad job."

"But…" Lorelai said helpfully.

Rory looked up at her mother and there was a film of tears glazing over her eyes. "I can do more. I know I can. I miss journalism. I miss newspapers. It's what I always wanted."

"_I _know that." Lorelai said, lightly touching her daughter's arm. "You're the one who forgot."

Rory looked down at the table again. "I know. I just…I made a mistake. I got scared and I made a mistake."

There was a long moment of quiet between mother and daughter before Lorelai said, "Just for clarification, we're not just talking about career choice anymore, right?"

Rory's response was a deep sigh, followed by dropping her head onto the table and resting it there. "I love him." She mumbled against the tabletop.

Lorelai grimaced. "I was hoping that'd get less horrifying to hear as time went on. It hasn't."

"Eternally not helpful." Rory said. "Advice would be nice."

"Well you already messed it up too badly to fix it." Lorelai said, not missing a beat. Rory sat up straight and stared incredulously at her mother.

Lorelai rolled her eyes at Rory. "It's moments like this that proves that you're my biological offspring. I can tell you whatever you want me to, kid, but it doesn't make me a mind reader. I don't know where Jess stands on…well…religion, political views, your relationship status, pretty much anything for that matter."

"He doesn't practice a religion. He's a registered democrat, but only because the Green Party will never get a candidate in office." Rory said offhandedly.

"See?" Lorelai said, calling up all the support she could muster and smiling gently. "You've already got two out of three." She nudged the phone closer to Rory's hand. "Care to go for broke?"

Rory picked up the phone and stared at the buttons apprehensively. She looked up at her mom and asked, "Could you not listen to this one, please?"

Lorelai sighed and stood up, coffee cup in hand. "_So_ lucky you're my daughter." She said good-naturedly as she walked out of the room.

Slowly, Rory dialed Jess's number.

* * *

Jess walked into his empty apartment and tossed his coat on the sofa. He looked around sullenly, almost expecting Rory to greet him even though he knew it was foolish. Every day since she had left, he still entered the apartment and looked around for some trace of her. Besides a small box of book, strategically positioned next to the wardrobe where he had to deliberately look to be able to see it, there was none. It was as if she'd never been there, except he knew fully well that she had been. 

Jess walked over to the answering machine and pressed the button. He walked away absentmindedly and over to refrigerator for a bottle of water.

_"Hey, Big Brother. Mom and Jimmy told me about the latest book news. The only way I could be more excited would be if it had come directly from you. Would a phone call directly to me have killed you...ass. OK, I'm late now, and by late I mean I'm still going to be five minutes early. Call me, jerk. Maybe I can convince mom and Jimmy to let us come to New York for Christmas. Call me! Oh, hi Rory!" _

Jess flinched at the last part of her message. He hadn't talked to Lily in a few weeks. He hadn't told that Rory had moved out, and he didn't want to do that quite yet. Lily liked Rory from the few times they'd spoken on the phone, and Jess felt uncomfortable saying she was gone.

_"Mr. York, Patrick Johnson here. Just wanted to remind you that if there are any last minute changes you want to make, you need to call me here at Rand Florin immediately. The book goes to print tomorrow morning. I'll be here until 5."_

Jess didn't think much of the message. The book was finished. There was nothing he wanted to change in it. It was going to print the exact same way he and Rory decided it would.

Before his machine could robotically inform him that he had no more messages, the phone rang. He walked over and picked it up, turning the machine off as he did so.

"Speak your piece." He said dully, taking a sip of water following the statement.

There was a moment of silence before Rory quietly said, "That's new."

Jess stiffened immediately, quashing the feelings of hope that tried to swell up and replacing them with cool indifference. "Yeah." He said shortly.

"Hi." Rory said after another silent moment.

"Hey." Jess said, keeping the sharp tone in his voice. "What?"

Rory took in a sharp breath at his abruptness. Before she could respond, he said, "I'll send your books to your apartment, don't worry. Just haven't gotten around to it_." _Avoiding it was more accurate, but damned if he was telling her that.

"I'm not there." Rory said, still speaking softly.

"In Stars Hollow?" Jess asked rhetorically, knowing the answer. "Typical."

"I didn't call to fight." Rory said, losing all energy left in her voice.

"Good." Jess said, realizing he was gripping the phone so tightly that his hand hurt. "Because the energy that would take really wouldn't be worth it."

"No, it wouldn't." Her voice was sad now, and Jess almost lost momentum. The word_ mediocre_ replayed in his head though, and he found the energy to remain angry.

"So, what do you want?" Jess bit again.

Rory was breathing raggedly, but besides that there was nothing on the other end of the line for a full two minutes. "Hypothetical situation." She said evenly, as if it took great concentration for her to form the words.

"Oh, goody." Jess snapped. "More games. Alright, let's hear it."

"Say I called to try and take everything I said back, to tell you that maybe you weren't wrong and I was just scared. Maybe to tell you that I love you too. How might you react to that?"

Jess's heart was ready to burst at the genuine emotion in her voice, but that didn't stop him from answering immediately. "I'd laugh." He responded. "I'd laugh and tell you to stop kidding yourself."

"O-oh." Rory stammered. "You would?"

"Yup, and I'll even tell you why. You were right, kid. I was fooling myself. In love with you? Please. It's never been you, Rory. Not ever. It was just convenient. We were stupid to think we belonged together in any sense of the word. Best friends, a couple, fuck buddies, whatever. We can't function together. Never could. I don't know what I was thinking, but it was never you."

Jess heard the words spill from his mouth, but he wasn't exactly sure who was speaking them. Certainly it wasn't him, this man who loved this woman so much. Who would say such cruel things just because of their hurt pride?

She was crying now. Soft, almost inaudible whimpers floated over the phone line and landed in Jess's hands. He made her cry.

"Good think it was a hypothetical." Jess said, maintaining that cool tone that he had learned from her. "Bye Rory."

The moment the phone was out of his hands, all the fight leaked out of Jess and he deflated. He sat down on the floor, and then let himself fall back so he was staring at the white ceiling. There were cracks permeating it. He traced them from one end to the other, and back again. He was stupid, and he knew it. But she'd been stupid first. They didn't have time to be happy. They were too busy being complete morons. They didn't deserve it either. They always just fucked it up. He'd done the right thing, destroying her the way she destroyed him.

Jess felt nauseous, but just lay there and let the feeling wash over him. He was going to have to get used to feeling terrible. He let out a long shaky breath. He couldn't get himself out of this one. She was going to apologize, and he cut her off at the knees. There was nothing left. This couldn't be fixed. _It was never you_. Those words had actually come out of his mouth, exploded as if attached to a missile. _It was never you_. It was the biggest lie he'd ever told.

It was better this way, though. He repeated that mantra in his head. _It's better this way. It's better this way. It's better this way. It's better this way._

OK, maybe _that_ was the biggest lie he'd ever told.


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. Not now, not ever.

**A/N: **Yup, the last chapter is upon us. Thank you so much for sticking with me through all of this and I really hope you all enjoyed this story. The response I got was so amazing, and I really appreciated it. Enjoy the final chapter, and the epilogue will be up right after it. I love you all!

**Diez y Ocho**

Jess looked up at the sound of a knock on his door. "Who is it?" He called, not moving from his position on the sofa.

"Luke!" His uncle's voice barked from the other side of the door.

Jess rolled his eyes. Of course. It had been a few days since his blowup at Rory. He knew it was only a matter a time before the Gilmore Girls sent him to knock some sense into his nephew.

"Just a second." Jess said, tossing his book aside and swinging his legs over the couch. He walked over to the door and opened it, immediately taking a step back so Luke couldn't hit him.

Luke made no angry advance towards his nephew. He held up a paper bag and it clanked as he did so, revealing that its contents were probably alcoholic. "I brought beer." Luke said, looking uncomfortable.

Jess smirked and waved his uncle into the apartment. "As long as it doesn't come with a complimentary ass-kicking, come on in."

Luke stepped in and looked around the apartment. He'd only been there once before. He walked over to the small kitchen and put the beer on the counter. He took off his heavy jacket and hung it on a hook near the door. He opened the bag and pulled out a six-pack. He handed his nephew a beer and took one for himself.

Jess sat down on a stool at the counter and gestured to one for Luke. Luke sat down and took a sip of his beer. "I told Lorelai I was coming up here to knock some sense in you…literally. It seemed like a good idea at the time, while Rory was crying in the kitchen. Rory crying is enough to make me do crazy things."

Jess raised his bottle to that. "Hey, try seeing her in a ruined wedding dress. You'll throw everything away for her."

Luke nodded. "There's just something about seeing her cry that makes you want to…"

"Save her and fix everything?" Jess asked, knowing he was right. "I get it, man."

Luke smirked. "But then I was on the train up here and I was thinking and I figured, 'hey, Jess loves her. This has to be hard for him too,' And Rory, she's got her mom. I thought maybe you could use a friend."

Jess smirked at the affection in Luke's voice. "Thanks." He said appreciatively. "I'm not gonna lie, Luke. It sucks."

"What the Hell happened?" Luke asked, leaning forward. "Rory showed up on our doorstep a week ago. Lorelai said that you and Rory were over, but Rory was so upset. Then things were getting better. Lorelai comes to the diner and tells me Rory was talking about going back to school. Then we get home and Rory's crying in the kitchen. She just keeps crying, and she won't tell anyone what happened. Lorelai's going crazy and Rory's crying and as far as Lorelai knows, the last thing Rory did was call you."

Jess's eyes were soft with pride. "She's going back to school?" He asked, feeling excited and proud and touched. He knew it was because of him, at least in part.

Luke sighed. "The most talking I ever do at once and he focuses on that." He said to himself with a shake of his head.

"Sorry, Luke." Jess said. "I didn't mean to hurt her."

"Yeah?" Luke asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No." Jess said honestly. "I wanted to hurt her like she hurt me. I wanted to tear her down and destroy her."

"Oh." Luke said. "Well, good job."

"It was stupid." Jess admitted. "But no one ever accused me of otherwise."

"So…you do love her?" Luke asked, becoming more confused.

Jess nodded. "Yup."

"Huh." Luke said, taking a long sip of his beer. "Well that's complicated."

"Not really." Jess said, finishing his and putting the empty bottle down. "We're both proud and stupid. Pretty simple, actually."

"Still," Luke continued, "I've never seen two people emotionally pummel each other like you guys do, yet still claim to be in love."

"Well, when you have a skill…" Jess trailed off, shaking his head. "I don't know how to explain it. She was my friend then she was my girlfriend then I ran away then she wouldn't run away with me then I didn't see her for five years then she was my editor then she was my roommate then she was my best friend and now I'm in love with her. Really, what's complicated about that?"

Luke smirked, "My mistake. Are you gonna…you know."

"Fix it?" Jess asked.

"Yeah." Luke responded, putting down his empty bottle and picking up another one.

"I want to." Jess said. "But I can't say I'm sorry. I just can't. She said some things to me, and…I can't say I'm sorry."

"I get that I guess." Luke said, not sure he _did_ get it entirely. "What are you going to do?"

Jess responded, "Lily and Jimmy and Sasha are coming to New York for Christmas. After that though…I might try something."

"But if it doesn't work? If she needs to hear you apologize and you can't?" Luke asked.

Jess raised his beer bottle and said, "Tortured, loveless assholes make the best writers."

* * *

_It was never you_. Rory's eyes welled up with tears as she tried to read on the couch. It was the only thing she heard anymore, no matter who was talking or what was happening. All she could hear was Jess's voice repeating _it was never you_.

What did he mean? She knew exactly what he meant. That the only time he'd been honest with her was that day at the coffee shop when he told her he'd never loved her when they were younger. He didn't love her now and he didn't love her then. _It was never you_.

And now Luke had gone to New York to talk to him. Rory was impatiently awaiting his return. She was desperate to know what news he brought, what Jess had told him. She wanted to know if maybe he'd changed his mind, if he had just been angry. If he was going to confess his true feelings to anyone, it was going to be to Luke. He'd called a few hours ago to say he was on his way back. Now Rory was waiting for him, harboring a ridiculous hope that maybe he'd even bring Jess back with him. _It was never you_.

The door opened and Rory sat up on the couch. Luke walked in, carrying a cardboard box.

"What's that?" Rory asked, not bothering to hide her curiosity. _It was never you._

Luke hesitated, but brought the box over to her and set it down next to the sofa. Rory sat up and looked into it eagerly. Her face fell as she saw what was inside it. _It was never you._

"He gave me your books." Luke said.

Rory nodded. "So I see." She said quietly. _It was never you._

"I'll, uh, put them in you room." Luke said, bending over to lift the box.

"No, Luke." Rory said. _It was never you._ "Will you sit with me? I want to talk to you."

Luke looked around uncomfortably, as if looking for anything else to be doing besides talking to Rory. "OK.' He said, sitting stiffly next to her.

Rory smiled, but it was mirthless. "Relax, Luke." _It was never you_. "I'm not talking to you as Jess's uncle or mom's husband. I'm asking as a friend, as…well, the most reliable father I've ever had."

Luke smiled softly, trying not to let the emotion he felt by that statement show. "You know you're like my own daughter, Rory." He said, cursing how ridiculous and awkward the statement sounded.

"How do I get over him?" Rory asked, eyes filling up with tears. _It was never you_.

Luke immediately stiffened again. "I-I don't know." He stammered uncomfortably.

"You love mom, right?" Rory asked, knowing the answer to the question. Everyone in Stars Hollow knew the answer to that question. _It was never you_.

"Rory," Luke said. He paused, looking like he had a great, profound answer to that question that would put all other quotes about love to rest. "More than anything."

"Does it ever hurt so much that you feel like your heart is going to collapse from all the pressure?" Rory demanded. _It was never you_.

Luke nodded, "Yup."

"Do you ever say things you want to take back because you're afraid or stupid or angry or all of the above?" _It was never you_.

Luke nodded again. "Yeah."

"Does it make you hate yourself because you'll never be good enough?" _It was never you_.

Luke nodded and added a sigh this time. "Yeah, been there."

Rory's tears spilled from her closed eyes. "Have you ever fucked up so bad it felt like you destroyed everything?" _It was never you_.

Luke's eyes widened. He'd never ever heard Rory swear like that before. "Yeah." He said honestly.

Rory looked up at him with sad eyes. "But it's still love?" _It was never you_.

Luke sighed and put an arm around Rory in an awkward yet comforting hug. "For me and your mom, yeah. E-everybody's different, Rory. You can't judge your relationship by ours."

"I love him, Luke." Rory said, her voice mangled by her tears. _It was never you_.

"I know." Luke said, trying to let his desire to comfort Rory overpower how uncomfortable he felt.

"Why doesn't it matter?" _It was never you_.

"I-I can't answer that." Luke said.

Rory broke down into full-on sobs, crying against Luke's flannel shirt. _It was never you_.

Luke sighed and shook his head. Jess needed to fix this, and he needed to fix it soon. He didn't know how much more empathy he had in his system, but he was positive it wouldn't be enough if things didn't change soon.

* * *

"Rory, what are you doing, babe?" Lorelai asked, walking into the living room.

"Staring blankly out the window." Rory responded blandly.

Lorelai sighed. "I was really hoping Christmas was going to make you feel better."

Rory sighed. "It was nice, and William was so cute with his presents. So was Luke. You were selfish and whiny as always."

Lorelai pouted. "I like presents!"

Rory smiled sadly. "But Christmas is over now. I'm- I'm just tired all the time. And now that my two weeks are up and I can't start classes yet, I just have a lot of time to think."

Lorelai winced. "Thinking is not your friend right now."

"No." Rory agreed. "I just…I don't know what else I can do."

"How about that walk you took before?" Lorelai asked, sitting down at the table. "Bring about anything interesting?"

Rory sighed and shook her head. "No."

"Well, something interesting happened while you were gone." Lorelai said hesitantly.

"Yeah?" Rory asked, completely uninterested.

"Yeah." Lorelai said, sliding a folded piece of paper across the table. "Jess called. Fortunately Luke answered, or I would have verbally decapitated him. He left a message. I didn't read it though. Again, lack of verbal decapitation."

"You don't even know why you're mad at him." Rory said, quietly.

"I've never needed a reason before." Lorelai said with a shrug. "I also don't know why you haven't ripped this message from my hands to read it."

Rory took the message with shaky fingers. "I don't know what it says. As long as it's folded, there's a chance it's good."

"There's also a chance that it says 'Rory, my head exploded.' You're not going to know until you open it." Lorelai quipped.

Rory opened the folded paper and let out a choked sound resembling a laugh.

"What does it say?" Lorelai asked, intrigued.

Rory handed it over to her mother, still making the sound that was almost a laugh. Lorelai looked at the piece of paper, which said in her husband's scrawled handwriting, **Rory, call Jess.**

Lorelai shook her head. "Ladies and gentlemen, my husband the causer of unnecessary panic. Are you going to call him?"

Rory shrugged. "I don't know." Even as she said it, she turned her body to look at the phone.

Lorelai smirked. "Yeah, sure. I'm gonna go upstairs and play with my son. He's far less complicated." She stood and touched Rory's arm with a gentle smile before walking out of the room.

Rory stood on weak legs and went to pick up the phone. She did, and collapsed back down into her chair. She didn't trust herself to be standing while she did this.

"This is it." Rory said unconvincingly. "Whatever he says, this conversation is closure." She slowly dialed the number.

"Hello?" Jess's voice answered. Rory smiled softly to herself, taking gratification in the fact that his 'hello' sounded as miserable as she felt.

"You called." Rory said, trying to maintain dignity by sounding cool and collected.

Jess was silent for a moment. "Yeah, I did."

"Did you find something else of mine?" Rory asked, trying to sound bored; trying not to sound as if this phone call was what she'd been waiting for since their last conversation. "Or did you call to apologize."

She expected an indignant laugh or sarcastic remark, and braced herself for the blow it would bring.

"I can't say I'm sorry, Rory." He said quietly. "I can't and I won't."

Rory was taken aback by the raw honesty in his voice. "I don't know what we have to talk about then." She said, lowering her eyes to the table and staring at it blankly. This was it. This was really the end.

"Lily was here for Christmas." Jess said, leaving Rory puzzled at his logic leap. "There's something she wanted me to give you."

"O-oh." Rory said sadly. "That was nice of her."

"I just wanted to know if I should send it to Stars Hollow or to your apartment." Jess finished, using a very formal tone.

Rory was quiet for a long moment, causing Jess to prompt her for a response. "Rory? Are you there?"

"Yeah." Rory said, shaking her head tiredly. "Just send it to my apartment. That'll be fine. Bye Jess." She let all the disappointment that he'd ever caused her hang on those two words as she hung up the phone. She set it down on the table and just stared at it for a while.

* * *

In New York, on the other end of what Rory thought was a dead connection, Jess had a strange smile on his face as Lily gave him the thumbs up sign. He put the phone down and looked up at her.

"Nice." His stepsister said. "Something Lily wants me to give you.'" She mimicked with a roll of her eyes.

"Well, you do." Jess said innocently. "Don't you?"

"Yes." Lily said, smacking Jess on the arm. "I can't believe you messed this up to begin with. Not since Heathcliff has a man enjoyed torture so much."

Jess rolled his eyes at the literary reference. Lily could, and did, compare everything to a book. "I didn't know what else to say. I needed to know where to send it without letting her know it was from me."

Lily shrugged. "Hey, it's your master plan." She sighed. "It is sweet though. I never knew you were such a romantic."

Jess blushed and mumbled, "Shut up."

Lily giggled at him. "Look at you. You're in love. So Mr. Rochester with your plans. Mr. Rochester from Jane Eyre, not Wide Sargasso Sea." Lily elaborated.

"What is it with you and the Bronte sisters today?" Jess asked, not as annoyed as he pretended.

Lily shrugged. "Writing a paper on them. Do you think it'll work, Jess?"

Jess sighed and shrugged. He ran a hand through his messy hair and said, "No idea, Water Lily. Absolutely no idea. It's the best I've got though."

Lily smiled sympathetically at her brother. "You know, if you didn't mess up so bad in the first place-"

"Don't, Lily." Jess said with sigh. "Just don't. I know."

Lily smirked and looked at her watch. "I've gotta meet mom and Jimmy back at the hotel." She stood and brushed off the front of her long, flowing purple skirt. She pushed her glasses up on her nose as she waited patiently for Jess to stand and say goodbye.

Jess stood and hugged Lily affectionately. He pulled away and tucked a piece of long blonde hair beyond his sister's ear. "Thanks for the support, Lily. It's been good having you here."

Lily smiled brightly. "I'm glad I can be an accessory to your scheming. Besides, I like Rory. She complements you."

Jess smiled, but put his hand up when Lily opened her mouth to speak again. "Do _not_ ruin that with a literary comparison, please."

Lily pouted, then kissed Jess on the cheek. "I'll see you soon, Big Brother." She said with a grin. Jess smiled and watched her walk out. Then he sat back down and stared at the object in question. It had to work. He had nothing else.

* * *

Rory put the last of her clothing in her dresser drawer and sat down on her bed. She looked around her with tired eyes. It had been so long since she had lived by herself in her own apartment. She didn't quite know what to do now. There were applications for Continuing Education classes that needed to be filled out, there were matters like bills that she needed to take care of, and there was the pesky matter of finding a job to sustain her until she got back on her feet as a journalist.

She didn't want to do any of it. Rory fell backwards onto her bed and stared up at the white ceiling, following the one crack in the plaster from one end to the other. What did she do now?

Now, she checked her mail. She had brought it all up with her, including the package from Jess, or from Lily, as the case happened to be. She hadn't opened any of it yet. She sat up on the bed and sighed.

Rory stood and walked out into the living room. She looked around. There were so few memories of Jess here, only one in fact. Rory smiled softly at the thought of Jess asking, no--telling, her to go live with him. He'd saved her from everything, including herself.

Rory lost her smile as she saw the package sitting on the table. It wasn't from him. Nothing would ever be from him again. She sat down at her kitchen table and slowly peeled away the brown paper packaging. She knew right away that it was a book. What else would Lily give someone as a Christmas present?

Rory looked at the front cover without much interest. Really, what did some book matter, even if it was a present from Lily? Nothing seemed to matter at all. Rory skimmed the cover tiredly. _Battles Already Lost._

Rory tilted her head._ Battles Already Lost_? That was impossible. That was the title of…Rory looked down at the name printed at the bottom of the book _Jess Mariano._ Rory beamed a confused smile as she stared at it. His book. It was _his_ book, and it was published under his real name. Rory's heart swelled with pride. It was his. It was what he'd been working for since he was a kid.

There was a bookmark several pages into the book. Rory removed it and looked at it. It was the picture of her in her wedding dress. Rory looked down at what it had been marking. It was the dedication page. This in itself surprised Rory. There had been no dedication when she'd been ready to send it to print. Rory looked at the words printed there, rereading the inscription several times in an attempt to understand them.

**For Rory:**

**Because I lied. It's always been you.

* * *

**

A furious pounding at his door drew Jess from his bedroom. He'd been putting his laundry away when the loud pounding had caught his ear.

"Who is it?" He asked as he walked the small hallway, knowing fully well who it was.

"You _know_ fully well who it is." Rory said, stopping her knocking.

Jess opened the door and stepped aside for Rory to come in. She just stood in the doorway, holding his book in her hands.

"Good." Jess said. "You got it."

"Yeah," Rory said, not breaking eye contact. "I got it. It wasn't from Lily."

"No." Jess agreed. "It wasn't."

"When?" Rory asked simply, still staring at him with big blue eyes.

Jess sighed and pretended to think about the answer to that question. "About 20 minutes after I hung up."

Rory's frown of concentration melted and mutated until it was a small smile. "I hurt you on purpose." She said honestly.

"Yeah." Jess said, leaning against the doorframe. "Ditto."

"It doesn't matter." Rory said dismissively, opening the book to the dedication page. "It wasn't real. _This_ is real."

Jess smiled at her. She'd understood fully. Luke and Lily had both been understandably skeptical, but he knew Rory would understand the full weight of his gesture. He looked at her with soft, thoughtful eyes as he waited for her to make the final move. It was hers to make, and they both knew that.

Rory closed the book and took a step closer to Jess. "I love you." She said simply.

Jess smiled. "It's about time." He said, stepping aside and ushering Rory in. She took the step into the apartment and looked at him expectantly.

Jess gently took the book from Rory's hands and tossed it carelessly on the couch. He wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her towards him. His mouth crash-landed on hers violently. Rory smiled for a second before snaking her arms around him and returning the kiss with full force. Her tongue found its way inside his mouth and he pulled her even tighter to him.

After a few breathless moments, Jess pulled away from her mouth but kept their bodies pressed against each other. "I love you too." He whispered.

"Prove it." Rory demanded. Her hands hand found their way under the waistband of his jeans and were toying with his pelvic bones.

Jess groaned, then smirked. He pulled her to him again and began to unbutton her shirt. "As long as you don't run away afterwards." He murmured.

Rory smiled and guided his hands as they worked her shirt. "I'm not going anywhere." She reached behind her with her foot and used it to slam the door shut behind them.


	19. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

_6 months later_

Rory gently applied some lip gloss as she looked in the full-length mirror. Her straight white skirt and off-the-shoulder sweater couldn't have been more different from her first wedding dress. That was the only comparison worth making about her two wedding days. The grooms certainly didn't compare at all. She looked at the clock on her mother's dresser. In less than a half hour, she'd be driving to Hartford with her mother, Luke, and of course, her husband-to-be, to be married by a justice of the peace. Her grandparents and Jess's mom would meet them there to watch the ceremony, and then there was going to be a party at her mom's house. It couldn't have been any different from her extravagant, almost-marriage to Logan and Rory couldn't have been happier than she was right then.

There was a light tap on the door and Rory turned around with a large smile on her face, expecting her mother or Jess. Luke walked in, looking awkward and uncomfortable, yet handsome in his shirt and tie. His coat was no where to be seen yet, however.

Luke smiled nervously at Rory and handed her a folded slip of paper before shuffling out of the room nervously.

Rory looked at the folded paper with shaky hands. _Not again. No, not again_. She delicately unfolded the paper. It was plain, lined paper from one of Jess's notebooks. _I tried, but I couldn't get through today without mocking you mercilessly. Please still marry me. Jess._

Rory shook her head and crumpled the paper before she marched out of her mother and Luke's bedroom and down the stairs. "Jess Mariano!" She shrieked.

Jess looked up from where he was sitting on the couch, his hands clasped in his lap. He was wearing a green shirt, black dress pants and a black tie. He'd promised to wear his suit coat for the ceremony, but not a moment before it began.

"Wow." Jess said, awestruck. "You look gorgeous."

"And you look dead!" Rory exclaimed, shoving the note into his chest. "How could you do something that immature and cruel on our wedding day? That was the most juvenile, ill-timed prank in the entire world."

Jess waited patiently, and Rory's scowl quickly changed into a grin. "I love you so much."

Jess put his hands on her hips and said, "I love you too. You thought it was funny." It was a statement.

"I did." Rory said with a nod. "I just wanted an excuse to come down and see you. You look great."

"So do you. Beautiful." Jess reaffirmed. "Mine."

Rory smiled. "All yours." She agreed, "And you're mine."

From behind her, Lorelai made a gagging noise. "Really, is all this cute stuff necessary? You're already torturing us by…" She forced a shudder. "getting married."

Jess smirked at his future mother-in-law. "Sorry, mom." He said pointedly.

Lorelai shuddered again, but this time it was natural. "That was cruel." She said, smiling a little. She'd never seen her daughter look so happy.

Rory slid her hand in Jess's larger one and looked up at him as if there was no one else in the entire universe. "Can we get married now?" She whispered.

Jess nodded and wrapped his arm around her. "I'm ready."

Lorelai rolled her eyes and said, "We'll meet you in the car. Husband! Let's go." She screamed the last part to Luke who was standing in the kitchen, afraid of the repercussions for his role in Jess's scheme.

Alone again, Jess tucked Rory's hair behind her ears and kissed her gently on the mouth. "How long did it take us to get here?"

Rory smirked and brushed Jess's hair away from his forehead. "Oh, about two hours short of an eternity."

"Sorry about that." Jess said, matching her smirk.

"Eh, it was my fault too. Ready?" Rory asked, taking his hand again.

Jess kissed Rory's hand and nodded. "Yeah."

They walked out into the sunshine, ready to finish what they'd started 9 months earlier…or 9 years earlier, to be more accurate.

**End.

* * *

**

Again, I love you all. Also, I've made a soundtrack for this story that will be available at my LiveJournal (carabear27) sometime with in the next few days. Love!


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